• Denny

    Over/Under on how many people will take the Qualifications section too literally and accuse Dr. Nerdlove of being a PUA advocator? Anyone? Anyone?

    • anon

      lol he was though. I find it really iornic this blog is called dr. nerd"love" when it's all just politically correct pick up tricks. this blog has only had like 5 relevant articles.

      here comes all the downvotes

      • Denny

        Yes, Nikki, here come all the downvotes because you're consistently and aggressively wrong. =D

        • anon

          just like how you're consistently and aggressively stupid?

          • Max

            I know you are but what am I?

            Oh, wait, I graduated elementary school. Disregard this comment.

    • Fallible

      Thank you. (That's the first time in a while I've been directly trolled on the Internet, I was starting to forget it happened.)

      As it happens there's enough qualification in the Qualifications section that I'm much happier with this post than the one other day.

      I'll just go back to lurking now.

  • nealedwards

    Cowboy Mouth lyrics FTW

    • Dr_NerdLove

      You are a man of refined tastes, Neal.

  • Jess

    Guys, there is nothing wrong with "pick up tricks." Most of the time we can see through them anyway and we're playing along because we like you.

    What is bad is misleading your intentions and using women as objects if they are also not using you for flat sexual gratification.

    Picking up women and cultivating interest in her and also her interest in you is kinda the idea.

    Otherwise this sounds like "Wanting to be with a woman sexually is bad, shame on you!"

    And as a girl I'm looking around saying "Okkkaaaaaayyyyyy, that's no fun for anyone. Let's try this again."

    I don't understand how on the one hand we have people so frustrated because they are so reserved that they can't make a connection with people they want to make a genuine connection with, and on the other when given advice on how to reach out and make those deeper connections it is being shot down as "manipulative, creepy, PUA (read a**hole)" behavior.

    Can you let us, the women who agreed to a date with you, mostly because we see the potential for a deeper connection because you are cute and interesting, decide this? Please. If we didn't see the potential for the connection, we wouldn't be out on the date.

    It's okay to seek to deepen that.

    really guys, it's okay.

    Just don't lie and treat women like a means to another notch in the bedpost.

    That's all I ask.

    • anon

      you know that what their intention is though

      • Speak for yourself, dude.

        • anon

          you're implying I'm a dude. thats cute. ooooh look at all these down votes

      • Max

        To have a fulfilling relationship with another person?

        Those assholes.

        • anon

          uh, no. to have sex with them

          • Robert

            Yes, because every man on the planet is only ever interested in sex at all ever and any man who so much as implies that he is interested in an actual relationship is clearly lying to get into a woman's pants, amirite? </sarcasm>

          • I know that I CERTAINLY do all my best thinking with my penis!

    • AFC1001

      I like what Jess is saying here. As you can tell from my chosen handle, I've had some experience with Pick-up Artist culture. I came to it as a lonely, frustrated boy, seeking to understand all the aspects of flirtation/romance/sexuality that seemed to come so naturally to other people. I certainly encountered some ugly attitudes towards women that, and I can see why people would be wary of anything associated with Pick-up Artistry. I also saw advice that seemed purely for making interactions between people who might conceivably be attracted to each other more fun for both parties, in a way that's compatible with sex-positive feminism.

      I may be self-justifying – I'm far from perfect, I've still got a lot of the "Commodity view of Sexuality" that the doc wrote about in an earlier article kicking about in my psyche (probably what drew me to the PUA community in the first place), and a healthy dose of guilt associated with it – but I think things like the doc's talking about can help in healthy relationships and need not be tainted by the association with Pickup Artistry.

      In my mind, the chemistry-building stuff could be seen either as a manipulative attempt to fake a connection that's not there, or as a way of making initial interactions more enjoyable for all concerned, and creating space for such a connection to grow, and sometimes it's tricky to tell the difference – particularly when you don't know how your own desires are going to grow.

      • Jess

        Yes, that is a very good way of putting it. These are ways to make initial interactions more intense, interesting, and exciting. There's nothing wrong with that.

        It's like fire.

        You can use it to make s'mores or burn down someone's house.

  • Mel

    I just want to add, for those who are afraid of rejection and what it says about them, that if the chemistry doesn't end up happening, or doesn't end up happening enough, you shouldn't assume it's because you did something wrong. There are a lot of people in the world and you're not going to click with everyone. Even in my limited dating experience, I went out a few times with a guy I thought was interesting and good-looking and whom I enjoyed talking with, but for no reason I can explain I felt no desire to so much as kiss him. No physical attraction whatsoever. So obviously that wasn't going to work out, and to be honest I was kind of annoyed with myself about it, but sometimes it's just… there, or it's not. And it wasn't at all his fault, or because he did too much of X or not enough of Y.

    • Jess

      That's a good point, Mel. I've had that happen too. When you try to deepen things or find connections, you just aren't on the same page and the interest isn't there. It happens, and it isn't because one side of the party was doing it wrong.

  • Herman_Cain

    Good article man, but I find it hard to convey passion about sitting on Reddit all day.

    • Max

      Try tumblr or stumbleupon. You will never have a problem connecting with a woman again, believe me.

    • David

      One word. Pintrest.

    • AureliaVerity

      Talk about the fact that the most informative cover of TDKR shootings came from Reddit and how people reached out through the website for support and to spread news while "proper" information channels were still only giving muddled facts.
      From there talk about how the idea of news reporting is evolving, that newscasters are no longer trusted as they were 40 or 30 years ago, instead more and more people look for direct witness accounts.
      From this point you can have a two hour conversation with someone on any of a dozen topics: Evolution on media with the rise of the internet, use of social media in society for reporting and spreading news, arab spring, this generation's reliance (or over reliance?) on internet to deliver news to them, humorous discussion of the Kony fad. etc. etc. etc.,

      Like the doctor said, you can talk with interest about almost anything. it does require trying though.

  • Gman

    “So what’s the most exciting, whacked out thing you’ve ever done and please don’t tell me it was something lame like sneaking into a movie you didn’t pay for…”

    Loved this example – it helps me understand better how should a teasing flirt sound like in general, thus helping me understand better the concept of flirting – a concept that I am completley ignorant about as of now.
    Please try and add more examples like this in your future posts doc – I found this one to be very clear and I even imagined the appropriate tone and attitude it should have when said aloud.

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  • I think the most important point you made was showing interest. Women are absolutely oblivious to this for some reason. I guess they're nothing like us men (we think that every woman is interested). The first thing you should do is show interest, because if you don't she will never know.

    Nice article

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  • Anon

    Fuckin PHP variables…