Everybody loves a man with a great sense of humor… so how do you go about getting one? Dr. NerdLove and his guest John Rubio of The Beerists and The League of Extremely Ordinary Gentlemen talk about how to be funny, the use of edgy humor and why being able to banter is so important for dating.
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As usual great podcast doc!
My humor style usually revolves goofying around usually mundane subjects or a little bit self-humor. I find it way more difficult to tease and/or banter, although I think that yesterday I recognized a moment where I was totally teasing this girl (and I know I was doing it right because she laughed an honest laugh) – making me realize that I sometimes do it without even noticing – so it was inside me all along and now I need to learn to harnest this ability and channel it better when it comes to dating.
So once again, thank you very much doc! If it wasn't for you I would have never learned to pay attention to things like my own body language, tonality but also learning how to identify signals from the other side too.
P.S. If I want to ask you a question, where else can I do so besides calling? I live outside the US, so calling can be rather expensive. I also don't have a twitter account and with facebook I don't want people seeing me asking questions and then my friends will start bothering me about it. Can I simply send questions to the e-mail doc@doctornerdlove.com?
I love how Dr. Nerdlove rails against PUA then goes on to exactly describe methods David D. and Mystery talked about 10 years ago.
I noticed this, too. They even seem to realize it partway through : "Man, this sounds like dropping a neg on a chick, but it's totally not!"
A lot of DNL adviec is pretty much the same that Roissy, et al, give out, just stated in a "nicer," more PC way. IMHO, while the tactics may similar, Roissy has a much keener (and more cynical) grasp on why exactly they work on women.
Making people laugh is always good but like mentioned, you should probably try to do it without coming off as an asshole. I know a lot of people who get this wrong, especially when I'm out at a club or a social event and they want to try breaking the ice. I'll be having a good conversation with someone and a guy will sometimes get himself involved and then try snarking people right off the bat. A common one for me personally is, "so, what do you study/where do you work?" followed by a potentially nasty comment, which is more than likely meant in jest but can still come off as rude (Especially when I don't know the person). Some people seem to mistake confidence with arrogance and humor with jabbing at others, which isn't a good idea if you haven't built some familiarity with them. If others *don't* respond in the way you intended (like having them make fun of you in return) it's a pretty good indication that there's been a miss. Otherwise humor is one of the best things you can use.
I like that you talked a little about the gender differences on this topic, which I find somewhat interesting. It seems as if the common line from women talking about what they want in a man is "Someone who makes me laugh," while the line from men talking about what they want in a woman is "Someone who laughs at my jokes." This gives the impression that it's pretty one sided: men make the jokes, women just listen.
I think (and hope) that in reality, it's more of a two-way street, like you described. I'm a girl and while I certainly love it when a guy can make me laugh, I also want to be with someone who would laugh at my own various witty remarks.
Like I said in the episode: every woman I've dated who's been really able to get under my skin in that good way has been someone who could banter with me and make me laugh. Worth noting that those are also the ones I've remained friends with after breaking up.
Agree. I like to laugh but I’m also pretty funny myself. It’s not like the women is a passive audience waiting for a guy to perform a stand up routine. Unless I’m at a comedy show that is
This was the worst episode ive listened to. And as an attractive women I can assure you a ‘fat shit’ (how he describes himself) insulting me has never & would never work. My gorgeous boyfriend can tease me but we have been together a while & he patently adored me (& vice versa!). This podcast was crap & this guy sounded like an ass who brag about all the women he sleeps with to make up for his insecurities. Wow you’re dating 5 women at a time? I call bull on that.