All posts in Pick-Up / Meeting Girls

On Labeling Men “Creepy”…

This started off life as a reply to a comment in my recent column about the Manosphere and taking responsibility for your own fate, but it’ssince I’ve been received more than a few comments – including many that I’ve deleted from various kooks, chucklefucks and the occasional blatant troll – on the “laziness” of women, the unfairness of labeling men “creepy” and the myriad hurdles that women supposedly throw in men’s way over the course of a social interaction, it’s time to address it directly.  I’m going take time out of my vacation to drop some knowledge on the subject, which I’ve seen repeated during my ventures into the manosphere, Men’s Rights groups and anti-PUA forums.

Pay attention, school is now in session.

Continue reading “On Labeling Men “Creepy”…” »

Link: “I’ll Be Your Wingwoman”

As a followup of sorts to Does She Like You, I give you this post from The Awl: I’ll Be Your WingWoman: Two Friends Walk Into A Bar

Short version: A single woman and her best friend hit up the bar scene in order to find one of ‘em a man.

Slightly longer version: It’s an interesting insight into how women react to pick-up lines, persistance and the occasional gift of random shots. And more importantly, it provides an example of  what I’d been saying about proximity and eye-contact.

From the article:

Rylee: I still maintain that any upstanding, or even downstanding (?), party should start at 7:00. What’s the point of making everyone suffer and practically fall asleep before we are allowed to start eye-sexing each other?

Katie: I know, right? Like, what do they think I am, 19? But around 9:30, things started to pick up a little. For instance, this boy (or to be honest, he was a MAN) sat down at the table behind you and he was literally the hottest person I have ever seen. He looked like Dr. Jackson Avery from “Grey’s Anatomy,” but with a ponytail, which I don’t even normally enjoy, except for on this man and Heath Ledger. And I felt bad for you, that you couldn’t see him. At first I thought he was married, but actually his ring was on his middle finger (hot). In any case, he came to the bar with a lady.

Rylee: I felt bad for me, too. But lo and behold, MAN #2 showed up, and we reluctantly turned our attention away from Dr. Jackson Avery to this other stallion at the bar. “Aha,” I said to myself, “here is my first chance for some advice-giving.” It was a perfect opportunity for you to go get a drink at the bar, standing at the open spot next to MAN #2. Despite your initial resistance, I was proud that you eventually remembered why we were there in the first place, and took my advice to make yourself noticeable by catching his eye at the bar. As I recall, it didn’t turn out too badly.

Katie: Well, technically, he was with another guy, and, technically, I didn’t “catch his eye” so much as stand there and hope that osmosis would do… something. But it worked! I mean, ok, the weird part is that I was eavesdropping, obviously, and the second guy was telling the hot guy, “See the thing is, when you look at the butt, you also have to look at the thighs.” Which: ??? And they were showing each other iPhone pictures, and I tried really hard to look but I couldn’t see what they were. And then the second guy was telling the hot guy about how age differences in couples shouldn’t matter, because 45-year-old men used to marry 14-year-old girls all the time. So that was not ideal.

BUT the hot guy took that as an opportunity to ask me to guess their ages, which I did. I put him at 27 but he was actually 26. And then he guessed my age (25) and he was right. And then he was like, good job, and he smiled, and that was it. I scurried back to our table. But I will admit that I was still a little delirious with power.

It’s a fun story, and the Awl’s a good site. Go check it out.

 

 

Post Mortem: Lonely Soldier Girl

Lonely Soldier Girl

It’s time for another Post Mortem, where we take a look at reader’s recent dates or relationships and pinpoint just what went wrong and why. This time, however, it’s the good Doctor who’s getting his time on the examination table.

Yup, we’re going to dissect one of the dating misadventures from my past, look at what I did right, all the things I did horribly wrong and just how I might have recovered from things. And let me tell you, there were mistakes a plenty to be had here. Certain details have been changed to protect the innocent1 and keep the guilty2 from being sued into oblivion.

Incidentally, this is why I frequently recommend that you document your approaches with women, whether you’re coming in cold with a stranger or making a “warm” approach with someone you already have a social connection with; being able to look over what happened with a critical eye can help you pinpoint the areas where you’re having problems. You can’t fix your trouble spots if you don’t know what they are in the first place.

But I digress. I give you the case of the Lonely Soldier Girl.

Continue reading “Post Mortem: Lonely Soldier Girl” »

  1. i.e. anyone who isn’t me []
  2. me []

I Got Her Number: Now What? – The Joy of Text

He's not going to be nearly as happy when his next phone bill comes in.

If there’s one thing that guys obsess upon, it’s the “getting the girl’s number”. Let’s say that you’ve impressed the girl at the party/bookstore/gym/mall/what-have-you with your looks, charm, wit or Audi R8. Now you’re walking back to your friends holding up that napkin with the most coveted of prizes: her digits! Score! Mission accomplished! She totally digs you! It’s all smooth sailing from here, right?

Wrong.

One of my jobs here at Paging Dr. NerdLove is – sadly – to vigorously stomp on some of your most fondly held dreams when those dreams and delusions are holding you back. And so, allow me to apply the hobnailed boot of reality upside your head. Just getting her number means absolutely nothing. She may like you and wants to hear back from you. Or she may have given you a number just to make you go away. Hell, it may even really be her number… but she’s never going to actually take your call.

In the days of cellphones, voice mail and caller ID, a phone number is an absolutely meaningless trophy when it comes to meeting women. Just because she didn’t give you the number for the local cement processing factory doesn’t mean that you’re ever going to hear back from her. If you want to make sure that getting her number leads to an actual date in the future, you have to understand phone game.
Continue reading “I Got Her Number: Now What? – The Joy of Text” »

So You Want To Be A Pick-Up Artist…

Mystery - The Pick Up Artist

Women are lucky when it comes to dating. There’s a wide variety of resources available for women who want to improve their abilities at attracting men; every woman’s magazine on the stands will have extensive articles on how to find, catch and keep a man. Entire sections of book stores are devoted to relationship advice for women of all stripes. Women are socialized to ask for help from their peers. A woman who’s trying to get better at finding a boyfriend or husband can expect support from her friends and family.

A man’s options, however, are surprisingly limited. As far as our society is concerned, men live in a binary continuum: either you’re good with women or you’re not. If you’re one of those unlucky men who aren’t good with women… well, it sucks for you. But you’d better not get caught trying to improve because all you have to look forward to are heaps of mockery and scorn from everyone around you.

It’s rather astounding; nobody would look down on someone who wants to improve his skills at basketball, at calculus, at Halo or Call of Duty. But a man who wants to get better with women… well, that’s a man who has ideas above his station and needs to be smacked back down.

Small wonder that guys will start typing “how to get better with women” into Google1. Many of those who do will quickly discover the self-titled Seduction Community, a community of pick-up artists – or PUAs as they will sometimes call themselves.

Whether you discovered it via Neil Strauss’ The Game, through internet searches or through pop-culture, the seduction community can be enticing for a man looking for a way to start improving his odds with women. But do these techniques work? Is it worth your time and money? Are they all just fooling themselves?
Continue reading “So You Want To Be A Pick-Up Artist…” »

  1. I mean, you found this blog, didn’t you? []