I want to talk to you about fear – especially the fears I see crop up around dating. Success in dating, after all, is 80% internal, 10% external presentation and 10% skill. When you want to improve your dating life, you have to start working from the inside out. This includes dealing with your dating fears. No matter how much work you put into your wardrobe or your banter, not facing down your dating fears will sabotage your progress.
The problem is that for many guys, those fears become the reason why they don’t progress. They want to avoid triggering those dating fears and become risk-averse. They throw away their shot because they see the risks as being too high. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a warm approach or cold approach situation. It doesn’t matter if it’s at a party or a coffee shop. Unless they’re 100% assured of success – or at least, a lack of failure – they don’t want to take a chance. After all: if you don’t fail, then you can live with the idea that you could succeed if you really felt like it. In the meantime, you get to enjoy the warm feeling of setting your dreams on fire.
However, it’s in avoiding failure that they ultimately cause themselves to stagnate. If we never take those risks, we lose our ability to overcome adversity. Failure is how we build those emotional hit-points that let us keep going after we fuck up. By risking rejection, we learn that rejection isn’t fatal. We court failure in order to learn how to recover from it. It’s in falling that we learn how to get up again.
So let’s look at some of your most common dating fears and how to overcome them.