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RE: Mysteries of dating profiles: decoded? - Dan_Brodribb - 02-20-2013 04:13 PM

(02-14-2013 08:11 PM)fakely mctest Wrote:  So I feel like we've talked a bit about dating profile clichés and how a solidly written profile should avoid employing them. HOWEVER, there are still a lot of people out there who do use them and since I'm not going to rule people out for cliché usage (only egregious cliché usage/profiles composed entirely of clichés that aren't part of some online installation art project/etc.), does anyone have any insight into what they might mean?

When I first started internet dating, I used to see "camping" and "travel" on every single profile under 'activities they liked.'

I couldn't tell if people put it down because it made them sound adventurous, if they were talking about things they wanted to do as opposed to things they actually DID do, or if I was the only human in the world who wasn't some jet-setting frontiersperson.


RE: Mysteries of dating profiles: decoded? - Red Umbrella - 02-20-2013 07:30 PM

(02-18-2013 05:14 PM)Tosca Wrote:  
(02-18-2013 04:34 PM)Red Umbrella Wrote:  In general, saying negative things about the population you're trying to attract is mind-bogglingly a bad idea. While it's uncommon to actually self-identify as high-maintenance, I'd be loath to actually assert that I'm NOT, because who knows what it means.

Back in my Bad Old Days of internalized misogyny, I loved to describe myself as NOT high-maintenance! I was so much cooler and more special than those Other Dumb Women. Look how awesome I am!

UGH.

I had that phase too, Tosca. My current ideology is "I'm just not going to self-identify as anything" in the hopes that people parsing my actions rather than my personal statements will go better.


RE: Mysteries of dating profiles: decoded? - fakely mctest - 02-21-2013 11:36 AM

(02-20-2013 04:13 PM)Dan_Brodribb Wrote:  When I first started internet dating, I used to see "camping" and "travel" on every single profile under 'activities they liked.'

I couldn't tell if people put it down because it made them sound adventurous, if they were talking about things they wanted to do as opposed to things they actually DID do, or if I was the only human in the world who wasn't some jet-setting frontiersperson.

Ugh. I still struggle with that!

Like, yes, I do like to travel (although it's not in my profile) but I am also not a person composed entirely of money and free time.

I figured it was down to three possibilities:
  • Like you said, something the person WISHED they did more often. I feel like sometimes people write about the life they'd ideally like to have vs. the one they actually do have?
  • They actually are made of money and free time and truly do travel constantly.
  • Something slightly coded about how they're not into putting down roots. They could up and leave tomorrow! Who even knows with their bohemian wanderings!

The third one is something that I would discern via other clues from the profile. Usually about being laid-back Big Grin or moving around a lot. It's a bit of a pink flag for me becuse I once dated a guy who absolutely made no bones about how much he hated this area and how it was so much better when he lived in Brooklyn. In retrospect that was a shitty power play on his end because it kept me feeling so unsettled through the whole 3 years we were together and I think I ended up being extra accomodating as a result. I'd have nightmares that he'd just up and leave in the middle of the night and I wouldn't be able to find him. Not cool. So I'm rather wary of profiles that seem to read as if the person is saying that they can't be tied down. There's nothing wrong with being a will o' the wisp, but it's not a match for my personality on account of making me into a giant, disgusting ball of constant anxiety.


RE: Mysteries of dating profiles: decoded? - eselle28 - 02-21-2013 01:04 PM

(02-20-2013 04:13 PM)Dan_Brodribb Wrote:  When I first started internet dating, I used to see "camping" and "travel" on every single profile under 'activities they liked.'

I couldn't tell if people put it down because it made them sound adventurous, if they were talking about things they wanted to do as opposed to things they actually DID do, or if I was the only human in the world who wasn't some jet-setting frontiersperson.

I'm one of the "travel" people, though I'm not especially fond of camping. I obviously can't travel constantly, and I don't think I'd want to even if I could. But I try to take one or two vacations to new places a year, and it's something that I enjoy enough that I make it a bit of a priority in my budget. It isn't something I insist that someone I'm dating like as much as I do, but I do want someone who's open to having new experiences at least now and then, as opposed to someone who identifies as a "small town boy" and who mostly likes homey, familiar things.

And...I might be that person in fakely's third category. I've moved around quite a bit as an adult, and I completely despise the place where I'm living now. Ideally, I'd like to meet someone who's also open to relocating and who'd be willing to move somewhere else together if things worked out. Realistically, I'll probably have to wait until the relocation happens to find someone who's more than a very casual partner.


RE: Mysteries of dating profiles: decoded? - fakely mctest - 02-21-2013 03:00 PM

(02-21-2013 01:04 PM)eselle28 Wrote:  And...I might be that person in fakely's third category. I've moved around quite a bit as an adult, and I completely despise the place where I'm living now. Ideally, I'd like to meet someone who's also open to relocating and who'd be willing to move somewhere else together if things worked out. Realistically, I'll probably have to wait until the relocation happens to find someone who's more than a very casual partner.

Totally fair point and it absolutely depends on what people are looking for in a relationship. I tend not to find my casual partners online, so what I'm explicitly looking for is something more permanent. I'm not anti-relocation but I do think that's more stress than I can handle putting on any fledgeling relationship.


RE: Mysteries of dating profiles: decoded? - Lpearson - 03-01-2013 12:43 PM

I believe the biggest problems with cliches besides that they are over used, is that they cater to what a guy thinks that women want to hear. Unfortunately, by not taking a risk to express ourselves, we end up sounding like everyone else, and that just doesn't make sense since we all want to be with someone who breaks the mold or really gets us.

I think the panacea for this is to avoid cliches all together avoid speaking in terms of raw facts. I like to travel...well who doesn't. What if it began with...

The best memory I can recall in my travels was the way the wind rushed through my hair when I ascended the last step of the duomo. Though at first I was timid, I quickly realized that I had challenged those 600 century-worn stairs to view the panorama ofa lifetime.

It's bold and authentic to tell your stories, and...weren't you there with me?

I suppose most of the things people write don't covey a sense of passion or personality.. But we guys don't really think like that. Getting back to cliches though, well known cliches can be actually quite useful, if used creatively. Everyone's heard (and I'm sorry to keep us all in Italy) All Roads Lead to Rome. Well it's boring again because everyone says it and we know what to expect. What if a guy said, All roads lead to a beach in Nepal. All roads lead to Love. I think it works because whatever it is, it shows a facet of creativity and value.

modified cliches work. but I think the cliches most used in profiles down-to-earth (I hope I'm not dating an astronaut...then again nothing beats one) laid-back...etc are overused and make us feel someone is the same as everyone and uninspired.

interested to know how I can improve my thoughts on this.

Leif
----------------------------------------
Leif Pearson- Online dating expert
http://www.clickwithonlinedating.com


RE: Mysteries of dating profiles: decoded? - Tosca - 03-01-2013 12:48 PM

Wow, what's with all the spammy new members lately?


RE: Mysteries of dating profiles: decoded? - enail - 03-01-2013 01:00 PM

(03-01-2013 12:48 PM)Tosca Wrote:  Wow, what's with all the spammy new members lately?

I don't know, but I've been quite impressed at the general quality of the spam here. Thanks, spammers! It's so nice to see you taking your art seriously.


RE: Mysteries of dating profiles: decoded? - fakely mctest - 03-01-2013 01:55 PM

(03-01-2013 01:00 PM)enail Wrote:  
(03-01-2013 12:48 PM)Tosca Wrote:  Wow, what's with all the spammy new members lately?

I don't know, but I've been quite impressed at the general quality of the spam here. Thanks, spammers! It's so nice to see you taking your art seriously.

I want to know if Leif has actually dated an astronaut. The closest I ever got was astrophysicist and I'm feeling a bit inadequate. Wink


RE: Mysteries of dating profiles: decoded? - Lpearson - 03-01-2013 06:12 PM

Why am I considered a spammer if I am adding value to the conversation. Everyone here is just giving opinions as well? I Don't see the harm in giving people the choice to allow me to help them.

more seriously and down-to-earthly though.. Fakely, I never dated an astronaut but I did once date this girl who had a picture of herself floating because she was a journalist who had a chance to see low gravity experiments on the vomit comit... She was pretty incredible because she left that life to become a tourguide based out of amsterdam.