Ask away. I’ll be adding to my FAQ as we go.
- Any advice for helping the girl trying to get the nerd?
- You mean besides “exist”? In all seriousness, the most important thing that I would suggest is assertiveness. Nerdboys tend to be shy and afraid of rejection, and as a result, a lot less likely to make the first move. In addition, (and I can speak to this from personal experience) can frequently be utterly clueless when a girl is flirting with them. Sometimes you need to toss subtlety and cleverness aside and beat your nerdboy crush about the head and shoulders with the clue-by-four.
- Where are some good hot spots to meet geek/ nerd girls?
- Like some Victorian-era Great White Hunter, you need to think like your prey. And while we’re all busy shuddering from the implications of thatparticular metaphor: the best places to meet geek/nerd girls are the places where geek/nerd girls gather. Comic shops are an obvious answer… but shockingly, frequently a wrong one. One of the sad truths about the direct market is that many comic stores are profoundly girl-unfriendly venues, with rude staff, racks upon racks of… well, racks (i.e. boobs, aka The Most Common Super Power) and the pervasive stench of arrested adolescence. This alone will make women uncomfortable; dudes hitting on them while there will only make it even more likely that they’ll never return. If you’re lucky to have a well-run comic store in your town, you’re welcome to take your chances, but I don’t always recommend it. Instead look to coffee shops and cafés, bookstores (especially the manga section) and bars that feature geek-friendly events like trivia nights.Or, you could read this summary of the top 5 places to meet girls.
- Forgive the extremely nerdy question, but what are you using for your site?
- I’m running WordPress on a privately hosted site. I may need to turn in my nerd credentials for this, but I can’t code for love, money or Blu-Rays.
- I like a girl, but she’s in a relationship with someone else. Should I try to win her away? And how do I do that?
- I’m sorry you like Jessie’s girl, man. But unless she’s already giving you signs that she wants to cheat on her boyfriend, there’s not really anything you can do besides make yourself a more interesting, attractive person. You’re welcome to keep flirting with her, teasing her and generally getting into her head. But your best option is to find someone else. Nobody likes a “friend” with an agenda, especially if that agenda is just to get into a girl’s pants.
- I’ve gotten into online dating, but I want to avoid zombie (accounts that the owner never cancelled or deleted – ED) accounts. Any tips?
- Most online accounts will give you a “latest activity” or “last online” indicator somewhere on the profile. If it’s longer than two weeks, tread carefully. If it’s a month or longer, the odds are that it’s a dead account.
- How do you feel about who pays the tab when dating?
- Whomever asks the other out first pays for the date; subsequent dates, they swap out. More on rules for dating can be found here including who buys which round of drinks and where not to go.
- Most of your advice is written for guys. Why don’t you write more for geek girls?
- Partially because I’m a geek guy; since a great deal of my writing is based on my experiences, I’m naturally going to have a guy’s perspective on things. In addition, it’s mostly men who write in asking for advice. I am always open for topic suggestions, so any nerd girls out there who have questions are encouraged to write in with questions or suggestions.
Hi Dr NerdLove,
I’ve got a problem… I like this girl and we’re close friends but I want to tell her that I like her but not actually ask her out yet. Is there any way of doing this without sounding like an idiot?
This is probably too late for you, my fellow reader of the great Doctor (seriously, I trust this Doctor more than my actual doctor), but as someone who has done this crap, i have to say-you will be a better person for it, but if shes really that close (the girl was basically my best friend, and we barely make eye contact now), tread with caution. Best of luck from some random idiot on the internet.
Dear Doctor Nerdlove,
Do you have any advice for girls trying to get the nerd? I mean, nowadays a vast majority of typical nerds are of the lady variety. Just curious :]
Hey Doc
Quick Question: Where are some good hot spots to meet geek/ nerd girls?
question for the doctor.
Thier is this girl that is a friend of mine, that i develope feelings for she is smart, nice and very good looking. But, she is now in a realationship with someone. Should i try to win her from her boyfriend?, also how do i go about it? or shoud i just move on?
p.s. sorry if my grammar is shit and if my question is too long
hell no, even if she is sending you signals, you should avoid doing that at all costs. Even if you were able to win her away from her man, you would always be afraid that the same thing would happen to you. also, Taking another man’s girl is worthy of an ass-whupping, so if you really wanted to do that, you better be ready for a fistfight.
Dear Doctor Nerd Love, I’m sold on the idea of Internet dating. However, as you do point out, many sites will keep photo accounts of women long (long, long, long) after they have left the site. Maybe they got tired of the kinds of responses they got. Or maybe they did in fact find a nice guy. This leaves what you call “ghost” or “zombie” accounts. I can write the best intro email in the world to this account but it’s NEVER going to get actually read by anyone.
But can you recommend a dating site that will say how long ago an account was last active? OK Cupid and Plenty of Fish seems to fall into the bad category of not giving reliable info.
What are your sources telling you? Thanks.
Will you have a lovely and useful email newsletter of your posts like Captain Awkward and Sexy Typewriter do? Because that would be teh awesome. I know WordPress does it.
Also I am a geek girl!
I’ll have to see how they handle this. At the moment I’m already wrestling with issues with my RSS feed, but if there’s a demand for a newsletter, it’s certainly not hard to set one up.
Regarding “who pays the tab”: Am I the only feminist left, who believes in splitting bills, swapping out, or that Whoever Asked the Other to Go Out Also Pays? I have to fight with my boyfriend about this nearly every time, and we’ve been dating for 5 years.
Funny you should mention this: http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2011/12/rules-dating/
And this reminds me that I need to update that particular FAQ.
You wouldn’t have to fight me.
This is a problem that I just keep running into: women where I am just seem to have no shame in asking for money to random guys (me), and looking at me crazy and or as a selfish bastard because I say “no.” I had a woman DEMAND for several months that I take her to Red Lobster. I tried to laugh it off, but after a couple weeks, lets just say I got rude.
I also don’t want to date woman who cannot pay at least once, or at least tip the waiter.
The last girl I dated never paid for anything. Okay, once. She bought me a philly cheesesteak at the fair. Never tipped, anything. Eventually she left me right after she demanded I get a high paying job (working on an oil rig) that I just had no interest in getting.
Am I giving off a vibe that says “play me, I’ll pay for anything”, because this stuff just happens way too often.