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“If you were really a member of the fighting game community, you would know that these are jokes,”
It’s a common response to complaints about sexual harassment, whether it be in the gaming community, comics culture or the office that “it’s part of the culture here.” “It’s just jokes. She can’t take a joke.” It’s a classic deflection, and one that Bakhtanians makes use of frequently. As far as he’s concerned, sexual harassment is such an integral part of the game that asking people to watch what they say is antithetical to the entire community. According to him, it’s so integral that it’d be morally wrong to get rid of it. In his words:
You can’t go to the NBA and say “hey, I like basketball, but I don’t want them to play with a basketball, I want them to play with a football.” It just doesn’t…it doesn’t make sense to have that attitude, you know? These things are established for years. That would be like someone from the fighting game community going over to StarCraft and trying to say “hey, StarCraft, you guys are too soft, let’s start making sexual harassment jokes to each other on StarCraft.” That’s not cool, people wouldn’t like that. StarCraft isn’t like that. People would get defensive, and that’s what you’re trying to do the fighting game community, and it’s not right. It’s ethically wrong.
Congratulations, people. Right now, the biggest spokesman for you believes that asking people to not sexually harass women is actually an offense against God and man.
Now to be sure: trash-talking is a part of any competition. It should be patently obvious that nobody is saying otherwise. But there is a huge goddamn difference between running smack against an opponent and screaming “RAPE THE BITCH!” over and over again. There’s a difference between taunting somebody’s skill and demanding to know her bra size. Or openly and consistently commenting on her thighs. Or talking audibly about fantasizing about her or offering her up as a prize for people in a chat-stream.
And, credit where credit is due: there seem to be plenty in the gaming community who agree. Aris Bakhtanians’ actions are hardly universally welcome.
But unfortunately, there is still a sizable and vocal number who insist that it’s Pakozdi’s fault for not being able to withstand the barrage of taunts and comments.
But you know what? By all accounts – including her own – Miranda could handle most of it just fine. In the Day 5 stream, she points out that she never felt uncomfortable at the Keystone events at the San Jose Bar and Grill – where the trash talk flies freely – because people there never crossed the line. Aris? Well…
Well, you know, there are layers here, if you think about this. There are layers of ethics. There are people who are racist and commit hate crimes, right? And then there are people who are racist but they have tons of friends of all colors and they have deep love for those friends. Do you think those people are one and the same? Absolutely not.
These are not the words of a man who knows where the line is. Or that there’s a line at all.
As she said on Twitter, Miranda made a point of discussing the matter with him on a one-on-one basis. By all accounts, Aris ignored her complaints and continued to make sexually aggressive and harassing comments towards her.
Therein lies the lesson.
Bringing It All Home
Again, let me reiterate: I’m not saying that you can’t talk shit during a competitive game. Nor am I saying that you can’t use edgy or even offensive language.
Hell, in my seeeeecrit identity, I’m a member of The League of Extremely Ordinary Gentlemen, a geek-interest podcast that’s part of Spill.com and we’re known for earning that “Explicit” tag on iTunes. Some of our humor can even seem to be borderline harassment of other members and frequent guests… with one major exception. Y’see, we work out well in advance where that line is. One of us may make a joke about sleeping with one of the female members or guests… and to someone who doesn’t know us, it may seem extreme, even hypocritical. Behind the scenes though, we’ve already established where the limits are. When we accidentally go too far – and it’s happened on occasion – we’ve apologized and take strides to not do it again.
One member of the League is fond of dropping c-bombs. Another member is profoundly offended by the word and said so… as a result, he’s never said it in front of her again.
To Bakhtanians, this sort of courtesy to others is anathema.
This is a community that’s, you know, 15 or 20 years old, and the sexual harassment is part of a culture, and if you remove that from the fighting game community, it’s not the fighting game community.
This, my friends, is what makes all of the difference.
ADDENDUM (2/29/11) More footage has been found. Kotaku recently posted video – shot on the 23rd, day 2 of the competition – of when Aris Bakhtanians picked up the streaming camera and harassed Miranda Pakozdi further. It’s further evidence of his attitude towards her and more evidence of just how uncomfortable his antics made her.
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