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I’m already feeling a little weird about how drunk she is
(she’s literally trying to pick a fight with the cops… who’re wearing riot gear and have their batons out) so I suggest we stop at a 24 hour deli on the way back to my place.
Well, at least there’s that.
I’m trying to keep things going, so I make a half-serious observation that she’s flashed everybody but me – and then I have to grab her hands because she’s about to actually flash me right then and there. I said something about “wait until later” and then tried to convince her that she should have some pancakes while I’m beginning to wonder what the hell I’m doing.
OK, on the one hand, I’m giving you credit for not taking advantage of her… so far. On the other…
Look, right about here, if she weren’t drunk off her ass, I’d tell you that you’re bleeding emotional momentum. The longer you linger between the moment where she agreed to go back to your place and actually making a move on her, the more likely that you’re going to find that the moment has passed and second thoughts have started to creep in.
But again: drunk off her ass. So at least you’re giving her a chance to sober up first and actually be in a state where she could consent.
We get back to my apartment eventually and as we walk in, I take her by the hand and said “Hey, I’m gonna totally be kicking myself if I don’t do this”, and I move in to kiss her.
A. NEVER USE THAT LINE AGAIN.
B. Honestly, you probably could have tried to kiss her a lot earlier. Just remember: you don’t have to wait for “the moment”. There is no moment. You just go for the kiss. If she doesn’t slap you and/or leave, she’s willing for you to try again… later.
Which is when she bursts into tears.
I’m already confused as hell – this came out of nowhere – but I walk her over to the couch to sit down and try to comfort her. Over the course of the next 20 minutes I find out that this is literally the last weekend before she shipped off to Iraq and she’s terrified out of her goddamned mind because she’s convinced she’s going to die. I’m used to having girls upset over inconsequential fears, but this is the first time I can’t honestly say “Hey, you’re being silly, there’s nothing to be afraid of, nothing’s going to happen.” But somehow I manage to calm her down and find out that 1) she doesn’t want to sleep with me because she’s afraid I wouldn’t respect her and 2) she wants to go back to her hotel… which she still can’t remember where it is. And her friends still aren’t answering their phones.
…aaaand you’re done. Not only is the moment gone, but she’s already justifying her decision not to sleep with you, so there’s no going back from this. Trying to keep her around is only going to end in tears.
Y’know. Again.
Long story short,
TOO LATE!
I eventually twig to the idea of her calling back to the base in hopes that they had to let someone know where they were staying and it finally works. We get the address and I drive her back to the hotel, still trying to think of some way to convince her that she really did want to sleep with me and she’s frantically explaining that she’s a good girl who doesn’t do this sort of thing and really she likes me too much to try.
Hint: She’s lying. At this point the social conditioning is kicking in and she’s trying to let you down without hurting your feelings. It’s the blue-balls version of “It’s not you, it’s me”.
So we get back to the hotel and I’m hoping to make a last minute appeal for a quickie in her place when we get to the room… and find her friends drunk and sitting on a bench that they’d recently “liberated” from a city park. And that’s when I learned that she’s sharing one room with four drunk dudes. I make a final appeal that she can stay at my place if she wants without any worries, but she insists she’s going to be fine. So she heads into the room with four dudes and I’m left in the hallway with my metaphorical dick in my hand and absolutely convinced that I’ve been dumped by a girl who decided to let a bunch of drunks run a train on her instead.
So is there anything I could’ve done to save this night, Doc?
Well to start with, you could have not gotten her completely shit-faced drunk. She was already showing indications that she was interested in you; she was willing to chat with you for over an hour before you moved her to a new location and the fact that she was more interested in you than the other dudes hitting on her was a good sign that she preferred your company rather than being horny and willing to take on anyone that offered. Plying her with alcohol is a sketchy move. I’m not saying you did, but I’m willing to bet that the possibility of her being more willing to fuck you after she’s had a few crossed your mind more than a few times. ‘cuz it really doesn’t seem like you were trying to stop her from getting smashed.
But you were willing to let her sober up, so I’ll give you a pass on intentions there.
The other problem is that you took what would have been an easy single, possibly even a double and tried to steal home. You easily could have gotten her number and possibly even a few dates out of this evening… allowing for the fact that she’s active duty military anyway. Hell, if you had made your move earlier – before the drunken boob show and the dance club – you might have gotten some make-outs out of the situation, even (or especially since) you weren’t likely to see her again.
You let it run too long and then you pushed too far. Next time, be less of a Nice Guy and a little more assertive.
And – again – don’t get them so drunk that they’re trying to pick fights with riot cops. That never ends well.
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