I am 10 months into a relationship with an absolutely wonderful guy. We are compatible on nearly every level, the chemistry between us is amazing, he loves my kids from a previous marriage, and we’ve been discussing the possibility of getting married.
The problem is that he’s polyamorous and I’m not. He was already in a relationship with another woman when we started dating, and their relationship has continued. He sees her roughly every other weekend, although he would like to spend more time with her. He’s also open to other relationships developing in the future. He has been open and honest about this from the beginning.
I have no desire to be poly myself. This man checks nearly every box on my “want from a relationship” list. But after going through two divorces because of my partners’ infidelity, dating a poly man *hurts*. Every time he’s gone for the weekend, I go through fits of anxiety based on my fears of being left for another woman yet again. I generally either lash out at him (we’ve had some epic fights over text messages) or I completely emotionally shut down until he gets back. I’ve told him how this affects me, and while he understands this is hard for me, he says he shouldn’t have to change who he is or how he loves because of my insecurities.
Help me, Doc. I don’t know how to love a poly man without my fears tearing me apart. What can I do to make this relationship work?
Bringing On The Heartbreak