Part of being a dating coach is that we talk a lot about sex. How to get sex, how to be good at it, how important it is to relationships… it’s an evergreen topic. And to be fair, sex is a key component to most relationships. It’s what a lot of people want to hear about. When we’re not careful, however, that focus on getting laid ends up contributing to the idea that having sex is all-important. We risk portraying sex as a cornerstone of a person’s life instead of a component of a holistic existence. That, in turn, helps contribute to and reinforce a lot of unnecessary shame and even fear around virginity and virgins.
The cruel irony of it all is that both virgins and certified sex-havers buy into a multitude of myths and fears surrounding the sex they’re not having.
Virginity is a social and cultural construct, not a universal one. Our fears and concerns surrounding virgins and virginity are equally as much social constructs… which is why it’s important to interrogate them and realize just how nonsensical they really are. Exploring and exploding these fears is an important exercise in self-awareness and emotional intelligence. By looking inward, we can see how much society has indoctrinated us to believe the curious double standards of sexual “purity” in men and women. In exposing just how little sense these fears and anxieties make, we can help de-stigmatize virginity.