I’ve been with my girlfriend for 6 Years now, through a lot. But something changed recently and I can’t tell whether I should be worried or not.
A few weeks ago, she seemed to completely shut down on me. We went from daily cuddling and laughter and intimacy to…nothing. She wouldn’t talk to me, she just sat on the couch with her phone and her tablet. When I would ask if everything was ok, she would say she was just in a weird mood and needed some space. So I obliged.
Since then, things have moved slightly back toward normal. We started talking again, and while we still hadn’t had sex in over two weeks (not normal for us), I at least felt like things were moving forward. Something still felt off, but I was trying to just make sure she had everything she needed.
Last night we tried to fool around a little. I had asked her for help after a tremendously frustrating week, but what happened just re-opened a bunch of insecurities I was having during the time she shut me out. And I’m having a hard time processing them.
I had realized that the way she handled her phone had changed. She had turned off all notifications, which I noticed slowly. Her phone used to ding and vibrate all the time, but it has been silent for weeks. She leaves it face down everywhere now, which she normally doesn’t do because she was worried she’d scratch the screen. She was spending all her time on Snapchat, I would notice the interface if I glanced over. She started almost guarding it, where she used to leave it all over the house (I was constantly finding it for her), she never let it leave her side. Last night before we tried to fool around she was on it. She was constantly closing the app though, I could hear the double tapping of the home button. The sex did not go well, she looked upset and was not her usual responsive self. It felt almost like rape to me, so I stopped. We went to bed without a word. Or I tried to, because she immediately rolled over and grabbed her phone before covering both herself and the phone with the blanket. I could still hear the constant double tapping as she used and closed the app. Apparently, this deletes any messages.
We’ve been together for 6 years, I love her more than anyone I’ve ever loved in my life. She’s my best friend in the world and I don’t know what to do about this. There’s been only one time before in our relationship where I ever questioned her fidelity, and that was less than 6 months in. We hit a rough patch and she went home to New York to see her family. She ended up taking one of her exes with her. I knew she took him but didn’t say anything, I thought we were done. But she came back and told me about it and apologized, said nothing happened, and we’ve been going strong ever since. But this feels different, This doesn’t feel spiteful or cold, this feels like there’s just no love, it’s almost apathy, and it scares me.
She has a trip home planned in a few weeks. I was not invited. For only the second time in 6 years.