Long time listener, first time writing yada yada.. I need your advice about girls and sex things.
I’m a 24 year old guy. I have a wonderful girlfriend whom I just shared a 4 year anniversary with, but for the past 9 – 12 months her sex drive has been basically non existent.
I’ll openly admit to having a high sex drive, and paired with hers this isn’t making me the most cheerful guy every day of the week, but I love her very much and want to make her happy. So I deal. I also know that burying this shit isn’t great, so we’ve talked in the past about why hers has dampened and not gotten a lot of progress – she doesnt know and can’t think of any real reason what it could be. No contraceptive chemistry reasons, no dramatic events and I haven’t gotten crazy fat / ugly either. I usually initiate 100% of the time, but I have tried approaches like backing off completely, giving her space and hoping she’d initiate anything and it was over 2 weeks before she brought up that “there must be something up with me because I wasn’t interested in her”.
On top of this, It’s not just the physical stuff. She doesn’t want to flirt either and though I’ve really tried to be spontaneous in stuff that isn’t bedroom related, I always feel I hit a brick wall. Despite this, we’ve talked and I truly believe her feelings towards me haven’t changed and she still loves me the same.. this is just some disconnect that’s happening.
Buckle up kiddos, because whilst I wish it was less complicated that’s only half of my issue. Whether these halves are related or not I can’t say for sure, but here goes.
I have developed a huge crush on my gf’s best friend. I’ve known her for years and I’ve always found her very attractive, but for about 3 months now I’ve done nothing but think about her. Every day. Before then I always viewed her as someone who I’d sleep with in a heartbeat if I was single, but I’m not so.. it just wasn’t an issue.
Full disclosure, we have always openly flirted. All THREE of us. Which, whilst its always been clear that nothing said has really been serious, part of me always hoped I was gonna get very lucky if ya know what I mean. This is something my girlfriend is very aware that I’ve always wanted, and to me she’s always been the first choice.
I view myself as a pretty logical guy, so I’ve thought about this from a few angles (being a reader of yours, I get that lust still happens regardless of if my brain knows I’m in a relationship or not). Whilst she’s gorgeous, we wouldn’t be compatible when it comes to dating, and a few aspects of her personality don’t match with me so like I said, up until recently it just wasn’t an issue. Relationship wise, I’m well aware she doesn’t hold a candle to what I have with my girlfriend.
But now it is an issue. How do I get it to stop thinking about her. Its been 3+ straight months. I love my gf and I don’t want to be dealing with this.
What can I do? The last girl I had romantic feelings for whilst with my current girlfriend I simply cut contact with when it passed the point of “just something in the background”. I can’t cut contact with this one.. I end up seeing her whenever my gf does – and she’s not my friend to cut contact with in the first place. Another weird feeling which I haven’t had time to process yet: tonight, as I am writing this to you, I literally just learnt the best friend has a new man in her life, and whilst her usual choices are mostly pretty scummy, this guy sounds like he’s pretty legit. I find myself consumed in both jealousy and depression that it’s not me… And that isn’t healthy for my relationship.
Way way tl:dr; Girlfriend has no sex / flirt drive which leaves me feeling pretty sexually unwanted. This has probably led to me falling deeply in lust/love with her best friend.
How do I fix both?!
Please help. I’ll take anything you got.
Unwanted thoughts.. and body