Hey Dr. NerdLove!
I found your website when I was searching the phrase “when to DTR.” I’ve been reading some articles and ADNL, and decided to contact you with a question of my own.
I am in a relatively new relationship. Some context: We’ve been seeing each other for about a month now, 2-3 times a week depending on our schedules. We text every day, just to check in with each other. We’ve established that we want to keep seeing one another, but haven’t had the DTR talk just yet. Things are moving in the direction that I want, and he seems to be right there with me.
Here’s the issue: Being the very open and typically communicative person that I am, we had a talk about sex and our likes/dislikes before we even had sex. This is because of the fact that, despite being 26 and having had numerous partners, I’ve never been able to have an orgasm. Not alone, and especially not with a partner. Past sexual abuse and an emotionally manipulative partner have made it seemingly impossible to reach that point. I’ve been 100% honest about this with every partner I’ve had, so I told him as well.
As is typical, my guy is pretty confident that he can help me overcome this issue, but he isn’t the first guy I’ve been with to feel that way. I told him that I enjoy sex a lot, despite not being able to get there, and that I’m completely happy with our sex life (we’ve only had sex twice as of yet). He seems pretty into the idea that he could potentially be the first guy to help me orgasm, and is excited to try all the things ever to find what puts me over the edge.
I’m afraid that if it doesn’t happen, he’ll decide that the relationship isn’t worth it anymore. I’m developing some genuine feelings for him, and feel incredibly comfortable with him, but I’m almost positive that he won’t be able to help me orgasm. It’s just something I can’t do. How do I have this conversation with him without making him feel like he sucks in bed and isn’t doing it for me? Because that isn’t the case at all!
Wants To, But Can’t