Valentine’s Day is one of the most despised holidays you can imagine… particularly when you’re single. It’s already a fake holiday – the “Saint Valentine was martyred in Rome for secretly marrying slaves and Christians” story is as fake as Kanye West’s insistence that he’s not into butt stuff. Valentine’s Day is a commercial holiday that was originally designed to boost sales of lace and smutty poetry in the 19th century, which in turn has led to an annual tradition of paying far too much money for a night out, dead foliage and shitty chocolate.
But when you’re single? Valentine’s Day is the day when the world is determined to rub your face in the fact that you’re alone. Ads every five seconds demanding that you prove your love by buying expensive crap you can’t afford and happy couples everywhere. Meanwhile you’re at home with a microwave pizza and the existential despair of an empty mailbox..
So how do you get through Valentine’s Day without quietly losing your mind? Glad you asked, convenient rhetorical device, here’s how.