This is going to be a question that has been talked about a lot all over the internet; I’m writing this since I trust your judgement more than random dudes on Reddit or whatever.
I’m a straight/cis geeky guy from Finland (so sorry about my possibly weird English). I’m 27 and a virgin by pretty much any standard — KV, no physical or emotial intimacy with anyone ever, etc.
To offer some background, I’ve always been really passionate about (and successful with) my studies, work and hobbies, but for the longest I had some serious social anxiety and probably also some form of depression (but I never sought help for it); for most of my university years I didn’t even have any friends. In early 2015 I started to seriously work on my social skills and style (your site and book have certainly helped me with this!) and seeing a therapist. It was roughly a year ago when I started getting actual compliments from my friends at work, sometimes from random people in bars etc.
So I thought about trying online dating and created a profile on OkCupid. Around here OKC is basically known as a dating site that’s especially popular among people who care about issues like feminism and social justice, and are generally left-wing/green, and this is why I joined OKC too.
I found lots of people who looked awesome based on their profiles (and who had high match percentages with me), but looking at their questions, I would very nearly always find that I have a serious red flag in my answers:
In my area I found *one* (1) woman who had a fair amount of answers and didn’t seem to consider virginity a deal-breaker, but I had a very low match percentage with her for other reasons.
So my virginity is a huge, huge deal. I should mention that apart from some Muslim immigrants, there are basically no people in my country who abstain from sex for religious reasons, which maybe explains why it’s unheard-of to be a virgin in your 20s, unlike in the US. I was really discouraged by this experience and ended up not messaging anyone.
So what should I do? I’m obviously not going to pick up some random girl from a nightclub who is too drunk to notice that I’m inexperienced, nor would I expect to learn anything from an experience like that. Is it unethical to try to seriously date someone while you’re hiding something that you KNOW would be a dealbreaker if they knew?
Never Been Kissed