Archives for June 2011

Ask Dr. NerdLove: The Betty And Veronica Problem

June 30, 2011 by Dr. NerdLove 3 Comments

Got a twofer for you today, folks. Let’s get this started.

Hey I have a love related problem (no shit). Sometime in September last year I decided that it’s about time to get a girlfriend and I did what any illogical 15-year old would do: walked up to a girl randomly, asked her out, told my name and number and walked away. That same night she sent me a text with her skype name and we started talking. About a week later we went on our first date. Everything went well. The fact that I want to draw comics and read them didn’t scare her off, it even worked in my advantage and very fast I developed feelings for her.

PROBLEM: She has practically no free time. We almost never get to meet in person and are glorified pienpals. A short while back I understood that It was time to end whatever the hell it was (I can’t call it a relationship) but she asked to meet and talk. We met, saw a movie but then she had to run home for some reason. Sadly seeing her made my feelings for her stronger. She has gone to a different country for a week and after that she has said that she won’t have that much free time either. What should I do? (I am pretty sure you’ll say break up and I am inclined to follow if that’s gonna be your advice.)

First of all, congratulations on maning up and asking her out. At 15, that can be a surprisingly difficult thing to do. Hell, I know people in their 30s who still can’t. Otherwise I wouldn’t be giving nerds love advice…

Anyway,first the good news: don’t worry, I’m not going to tell you to break up with her.

The bad news: This is because you’re not really dating.

I hate to say it, but you called it when you said that you’re glorified pen-pals. You text, e-mail… but not much else. It’s like you’re in a long-distance relationship, but in the same city. The fact of the matter remains that you’re far more invested in this than she is; crazy-ass schedule or not, if she were determined, she could almost certainly make time for you. Keep her as a friend, but you need to realize if you want a girlfriend, it should be someone you can actually see more than once a blue moon.

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Learn From This: Chasing Amy

June 29, 2011 by Dr. NerdLove 8 Comments

For this week’s movie, I give you… a Kevin Smith film.

No. I’m serious.

If Kevin Smith is good at anything, it’s marketing Kevin Smith. It’s almost impossible not to picture him as Silent Bob, talking about comics and Star Wars and inventing new and creative ways to use the “fuck” in a sentence. Blunt vulgarity, sophomoric humor, hyper-aware man-children who enjoy the trappings of adulthood if not it’s responsibilities…

It’s kind of easy to lose track of how personal his films can be underneath layers of raunch and sex jokes that almost reach the level of self-parody. Whatever else you may think of the man, he’ s willing to put himself out there in a way that a lot of filmmakers won’t, and Chasing Amy is undoubtedly the most personal and surprisingly honest movie in his ouvre. Not surprising, since the movie is a post-mortem of his relationship with star Joey Lauren-Adams, but to my mind, it’s one that gets lost in the wake of more in-your-face films like Dogma, Mallrats, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back or (sorry) Cop Out.

It’s the story of Holden – a comic book artist who falls in love with someone who, it would seem, represents the ultimate in the unattainable fantasy: the hot nerd chick… who also happens to be a lesbian. His seemingly hopeless obsession with her is adding unneeded stress to his relationship with his best friend and co-worker Banky, who sees her as an irritating distraction at a time when they should be more focused on a potentially career-changing licensing deal. And is there a hint of… jealousy there?

Needless to say, shit happens and the complex web of relationships, sexuality and beliefs provides a rather large number of lessons that folks need.

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Talking To Women… For The First Time.

June 28, 2011 by Dr. NerdLove 20 Comments

One of the most frequently asked questions I receive is about approaching women and starting a conversation with them.

The more confident amongst you can stop laughing now.

The thing to keep in mind here is that for a subset of men, the idea of trying to start up a conversation with someone they’re attracted to – with the hopes of getting at least an e-mail or a phone number, if not an actual date – is downright terrifying. And really, when you think about it, it’s understandable. You’re trying to approach someone, convince them that you’re actually a charming and worthwhile individual and attempt to persuade them into starting a relationship. This by itself is almost absurdly difficult on it’s face. When you add in the lack of socialization that many of the nerd persuasion have, as well as accumulated years of damage to one’s self-esteem and the incredibly mixed messages absorbed via pop-culture… small wonder why the mere thought can trigger a lovely surge of adrenaline, isn’t there?

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Ask Dr. NerdLove – Let’s Go Out… Later.

June 28, 2011 by Dr. NerdLove 1 Comment

Hi Dr NerdLove,

I’ve got a problem… I like this girl and we’re close friends but I want to tell her that I like her but not actually ask her out yet. Is there any way of doing this without sounding like an idiot?

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The Friend Zone myth

June 27, 2011 by Dr. NerdLove 290 Comments

One of the most frequently asked questions I get is about the dreaded “friend zone.”* How to avoid it, how to get out of it, why do well-meaning nerds keep getting stuck in it… It’s the nerd equivalent of The Bermuda Triangle. It is the Phantom Zone of geeks. It is Oan Science Cell of Love. It is the Chateau D’if of l’amour. You get the point. It blows goats and like death and taxes, it’s more or less inevitable when people are chasing the girls that they like.

And here’s the thing: the Friend Zone as we know it? Doesn’t really exist.

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