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Archives for December 2012

Leaving The Past Behind

December 31, 2012 by Dr. NerdLove 15 Comments

So it’s come to this…

(I’ve always wanted to say that)

The dawn of a new year approaches, full of potential and possibility… and the chance to make a better future for ourselves.

Not to mention a truly epic hangover...
Not to mention a truly epic hangover…

But having just gotten done telling you about the problems with making the wrong promises and resolutions for the new year, I want to talk about the past.

It seems only appropriate that while we’re focusing on where we’re planning on going, that we take a moment to stop and take a long look at where we’ve been. For many of us, the past is just that – it’s past. But for far too many… the past is always with us, keeping old wounds open, old regrets fresh and pain from long ago at the forefront of our minds.

The past can be a great utility… or it can be an anchor, holding us down. It’s all too tempting to let the memory of mistakes and failures holding us back from who we could be, to keep us chained to the ground instead of soaring through the heavens.

So today, I want you to learn to let go of the past. It’s time to learn how to fly.

[Read more…]

No Resolutions

December 28, 2012 by Dr. NerdLove 10 Comments

Now that the Christmas holidays are over, it’s time for my second favorite holiday of the year: New Year’s Eve. Who doesn’t love a night dedicated to celebrating the end of a year (or a giving it a swift kick in the ass out the door, depending on how your year went) and the infinite possibilities that the future may hold.

Plus, it’s a great excuse to get together with friends and get absolutely fuckin’ hammered.

You have to love a month where the last two weeks are dedicated to partying.
You have to love a month where the last two weeks are dedicated to partying.

The great thing is that there’s no specific way to celebrate. I’ve had quiet nights with a close group of friends singing all of the expected cliches while we waited for the new millenium and end of the world1, gotten drunk at raging house parties, crashed the parties of strangers and made out with random people, slept in with instructions to be woken up only if something is on fire and hit the VIP section of an exclusive club for end-of-the-year shenanigans.

Please note: THIS IS A BAD IDEA.
Please note: THIS IS A VERY BAD IDEA.

However, there’s one New Years tradition – besides the Nursing of the Hangover – that is universal: the New Year’s Resolution. That promise to yourself that things are going to be different in the new year.

And I want you to stop making them.

[Read more…]

  1. Y2k baby! [↩]

NerdLove in the News!

December 27, 2012 by Dr. NerdLove 3 Comments

The Austin American Statesman did a profile on yours truly! How awesome’s that?

‘Dr. Nerdlove’ creates dating website for fellow geeks

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‘Dr. Nerdlove’ creates dating website for fellow geeks photo
Deborah Cannon
Harris O’Malley, author of the website Doctornerdlove.com, hangs out at the Kung Fu Saloon. Bars like this one that has more than just drinking going on can be a good spot for potential dates, he says.

By Esther Robards-Forbes

For most of his life, Harris O’Malley was terrible with women.

A textbook geek, right down to the glasses, the red hair and the oversized comic book collection, he had a hard time talking with women, getting phone numbers and forming healthy romantic relationships.

“I was trying to be the ‘Nice Guy,’ ” O’Malley says. “I spent so much time in the friend zone I could declare residency and run for political office. I had all these really bad hang-ups about what I thought women wanted, or what I had or didn’t have. And just a lot of it came down to the fact that I had adopted this idea that I was the one that was bad with girls and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.”

About a year and a half ago, he decided to take all of his mistakes and successes, everything he had learned, good and bad, about dating in the 21st century and turned it into a wildly successful blog for lovelorn geeks and dweebs. He took on the persona of Dr. Nerdlove and began writing advice columns and recording podcasts on www.doctornerdlove.com.

More here.

Ask Dr. NerdLove – It’s A Sabotage

December 26, 2012 by Dr. NerdLove 41 Comments

Hey Doc,

I’ve been beating myself up for ages, because like you used to be, I am “The One Who Girls Don’t Like Like That.” I think I’m pretty friendly, and most people don’t seem to be against the idea of spending time with me, but in terms of romance or sex I’m completely dead in the water. I actually have to pretend I have experience in both of those areas to even be able to survive even a simple conversation, since most of them revolve around those exact things. Considering I’ve got a minor autism thingie going on (like so mild that you can’t tell at first, I’m not Forrest Gump or Dustin Hoffman in “Rain Man”), I’ve gotten very good at “bullshitting,” where I essentially craft a backstory about myself that is so radically different from what I really am. Essentially, I’m just a likable Jewish kid from New Jersey who’s saving himself for marriage (because pretending you’ve gotten laid repeatedly is annoying, and I’ve been found out more than once. The whole religion thing works bett er since I’m Jewish and not many people know much about Jews), who personally dislikes the taste of alcohol and drugs (seriously, pretending to be religious is a godsend for the socially awkward) and what not. I’m not quite as distressed about this as I used to be, since I’ve got a way better mental image of myself than I used to, considering that in high school I was convinced that I was obese and wanted to kill myself. But that’s old news, and I’m better than that. And I’m only 17, so I’d assume that most people would laugh me off and say “Oh don’t worry, you got time, kid.” 

The problem this creates is that even if people believe that I’m an abstinence nut, albeit one that seems strangely fine with other people having sex, it still doesn’t explain my complete ineptitude with the opposite sex. As a platonic friend I’m tops, because I’m nonthreatening, very sweet towards women, blah blah blah. This bothered me in high school, but I’m not so mad about it now. Point is, even a guy pretending to be a religious nut can have a girlfriend. And I don’t, nor have I ever had one. I won’t go down the “forever alone” line of complaints, but I’ll admit that I’ve considered that I might be like that. 

Back to the platonic friend crap. I don’t mind it so much anymore since I’ve left high school, and the only female friends I have now are ones that I am not sexually interested in (beautiful women, to be fair, but it’s almost an unspoken agreement that we don’t like each other like that). 

A new problem I think I might have is that it’s a possibility that I might be more attractive than I thought and some women may have liked me after all, and that I either didn’t know or, when I found out, lost interest completely. I’m suspecting more and more that I’m only attracted to women who don’t like me back, on purpose. The second they express interest, I lost interest. It’s as if I need all that pain and heartbreak of the friend zone to even want to bone her, much less be in a mutual romantic relationship with her. And that’s bad, much worse than my initial “I’m really ugly” belief. Even now I know that I’m not better than average appearance, which I can live with, but if this theory of mine is true, then I am royally screwed.

Case in point: I casually start talking to this girl online (not even for romantic reasons, or on one of THOSE sites). When I eventually see a picture of her she took for me, holding a sign with my name on it (Glides, not my real name), I notice that she is HOT. Not even cute or adorable like most of the women I encounter, but so attractive that I’m shocked that she’s still talking to me. She knows what I look like too, I’m not one of those insecure morons who gets a picture of some “Magic Mike” looking guy online and pretends to be that. We keep talking, and I eventually admit that I’ve got feelings for her, and amazingly enough, she apparently feels the same way. So what, she lives in California or something, so it would be great if she lived where I do, but too bad. The problem is, the second I hear it from her, suddenly all of that mad attraction I was feeling just went away. This is not the first time this has happened, I think. 

So essentially, to sum it all up, I’m just wondering if you’ve ever heard about anything like this before, and what could possibly be done. I hope you appreciate how cheery I’ve been about all this. 

Glides

[Read more…]

Learn From This: Love Actually

December 24, 2012 by Dr. NerdLove 21 Comments

Hey guys. It’s the day before Christmas and my schedule’s about to get crazy. Today we’re on the road with limited to no Internet access, which means that updates are going to be spotty. Rather than leave you hanging, I’m republishing an article about one of my favorite Christmas movies. Hope you enjoy and have a happy holiday. I’ll see ya’ll again on the 26th.


 

There’re very few Christmas movies that get watched at stately NerdLove manor. There’re only so many treacly impassioned peons to the Hallmark idea of the holidays that my constitution is willing to take, so I keep my holiday viewings to the Holy Trinity of Christmas Movies: Gremlins, Die Hard and Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang.

I may need to start adding Love Actually to the mix.

Love Actually was a 2003 holiday film with an astoundingly (British) star-studded cast – Bill Nihy! Chiwetel Ejiofor! Colin Firth! Hugh Grant! Alan Rickman! Emma Thompson! A pre-zombie-apocalypse Andrew Lincoln! A whole bunch of people I don’t know at all but are probably really important in the UK – all about love and family and what it means over the holidays.

To be perfectly honest, I was prepared to hate it. I’ve mentioned how I feel about romantic “comedies” before: they’re mawkish and unrealistic, following characters who make unwise decisions and rewarding men for not growing or changing and generally sending all the wrong messages to the audience.

So imagine my surprise when not only was this movie genuinely sweet and realistic about relationships, but it also managed to avoid my rom-com pet peeves.

(Well, except for one.)

“Hope it was worth it son. Because you’re about to go to jail for a long, LONG time…”

This really is a movie that guys could learn a few things from. Things like…

[Read more…]

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About Dr. NerdLove:

Harris O'Malley (AKA Dr. NerdLove) is an internationally recognized blogger and dating coach who gives dating advice to geeks of all stripes. Making nerds sexier since 20011

Remember: Dr. NerdLove is not really a doctor. [Read More …]

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