Archives for January 2013

Ask Dr. NerdLove: Call Me, Maybe?

January 30, 2013 by Dr. NerdLove 173 Comments

Why have I been having girls that give me their numbers but never return my phone calls/texts when I call/text?

This has been happening to me several times already where I talk to a girl and we really hit it off right (e.g. I don’t walk on eggshells talking to her, there are no inconsistent “silent gaps” throughout our conversations, I am open with myself without any reservations, etc.). Throughout our conversation, it seems like we are getting along with one another and really getting to know each other and then when the night ends, I ask for her number and she gives it to me and we exchange numbers and even exchange hugs too.

And then after I call/text her, the next day or 2 I don’t hear back from her. Normally I just think to myself “hmm, she must be busy or might have not gotten the text or voicemail. And then I call her back again and leave a message and play the waiting game 2 more times just to not ever hear from her again.

I know that I should not be taking this personally but what bugs me is that this situation has happened to me 3 – 4 times already. I have tried to change my conversation topics (no talking about sex, about dating history, about who she’s currently seeing, about family, about anything that is deemed personal, not talking about my interests in dancing and letting her talk the whole time). I have even ruled out meeting women at bars and clubs and other places where women are likely to be defensive when being approached (coffee places, malls, bookstores, etc.) and only going to bars and clubs to practice my dancing for upcoming battles and competitions.

Why has this been happening to me and what can I do to turn numbers into dates?

Call Waiting

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Calling all “Fake” Geek Girls

January 29, 2013 by Dr. NerdLove 3 Comments

Something new from NerdLove Apparel:

Don’t let the plague of “fake” geek girls continue to spread! Warn your fellow nerds of the danger with this t-shirt.

Also available as a fitted tee and tank top in multiple colors – only from the Dr. NerdLove Clothing Store: the best love advice in the world, in convenient T-shirt format.

Don’t Get Catfished

January 28, 2013 by Dr. NerdLove 94 Comments

If you’re like me (and I know I am), you may not pay all that much attention to sports. However, lately it seems almost impossible to ignore the story of Manti Te’o, the Notre Dame linebacker and Heisman trophy candidate who was propelled to infamy when the dramatic, too-good-to-be-true story of the death of his girlfriend proved to be a complete fabrication.

Unlike my completely legitimate and real relationship with Kat Dennings. — Unlike my *completely* legitimate and *totally* real relationship with Kat Dennings.

Now, while the jury still seems to be out on whether Te’o was duped by Internet pranksters or helped create the fictional persona in order to boost his visibility and garner the sympathy vote for the Heisman… but ultimately it does highlight just how much the Internet has redefined the definition and nature of our relationships with other people. We have connections and friendships – genuine, meaningful ones – with people we may never have interacted with in the flesh but speak to in a variety of mediums on a daily basis… and therein lies the potential for deceit. The old New Yorker cartoon that “nobody on the Internet knows you’re a dog” applies equally to “On the Internet, nobody knows if you’re real or not”.

Many, many people from all walks of life have been suckered into deceptive “relationships”, either with people who disguise their identities in order to seem more appealing or who create new personas out of whole cloth. If you want to avoid getting catfished – named after the popular documentary1, you need to know how to spot a faker.

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which, ironically enough may itself be faked [↩]

The 20, 30, and 40+ Year Old Virgin

January 25, 2013 by Dr. NerdLove 314 Comments

There are few topics more fraught with anxiety and confusion – for men and women – than the idea of virginity. I can’t count the number of letters I’ve gotten from virgin readers, men and women of just about every age who have not had sex yet and are desperately afraid that they’re “too late”.

Some may have had physical intercourse with another person – oral sex, mutual masturbation, possibly even anal sex – but consider themselves virgins because they’ve never had penile/vaginal sex. Others may have had penetrative sex but not “count” it for one reason or another. Still others may have never so much as held hands with someone who wasn’t a family member.

Because of all of the importance placed on the concept of virginity, many people are convinced that having passed some arbitrary cut-off point that they have rendered themselves utterly unfuckable and have somehow missed on a critical aspect of growing up. They may get older but they will never truly be adult because they’ve never crossed the finish line on this one particular area.