Archives for February 2013

OKCupid Creepers and Race Fetishism

February 15, 2013 by Dr. NerdLove 357 Comments

It seems like it’s been a bumper year for calling out OKCupid creepers via Tumblr – Nice GuysofOKC, OKCupidGoldMine… even FedorasOfOKCupid1 which helped turn another fashion choice into a way that nature tells us “Do Not Touch“.

"Hey, some of us just want to be loved, ok?" — “Hey, some of us just want to be loved, ok?”

Online dating tends to mean that people often let their filters down – the anonymity combined with the impersonalization of online communication often leads to people saying and acting in ways that they likely wouldn’t in person; this is also known as the Penny Arcade Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory.

As a result: you get a lot of creepers on OKCupid… and a lot more people willing to call them out on being creepy.

A couple of days ago, the newest version of these – Creepy White Guys – was brought to my attention by readers. Creepy White Guys covers the various profoundly uncomfortable and occasionally downright racist messages that Asian women get sent by white guys who have “yellow fever” or a fetish for Asian women. This naturally started an interesting conversation over on the NerdLove Facebook Page about the nature of attraction vs. racial fetishism – who does it more and what’s so bad about it anyway?

Aside from, y’know, the racism and trading on sexual stereotypes.

(Obligatory ass covering: I’m a cisgendered, heterosexual white guy talking about racial issues. Odds are good I’m going to inadvertently shove my foot in my mouth at high speed. I apologize in advance if I say something stupid out of ignorance and I’ll make appropriate edits as needed.)

[Read more…]

Which annoys me personally. I mean, I own a lot of hats, including a few fedoras. Suddenly they’ve turned into the headwear version of Ed Hardy. [↩]

Ask Dr. NerdLove: Ex Sex Wrecks

February 13, 2013 by Dr. NerdLove 47 Comments

Hi Doc,

This past week has been extremely confusing for me because one of my exes has been thoroughly confounding me.

Backstory: I “fell” for this girl in grade 5, upon seeing her for the first time I thought she was the most beautiful woman on earth (I was young) and I was determined to date her. After lots of chasing her and putting up with denials (long story), her and I became a couple on our last year of high school/first year of college. She wanted to be a doctor though, and because we were spending so much time together her grades started really slipping in school to the point where she got kicked out because she was spending so much time with me and not enough time on her school work. So I broke up with her because at the time I thought it was best for her (and because I was very immature at the time and needed to grow up, which I did when my mom died later that year).

We both moved on, but kept in touch, and I feel like we still harbor soft spots for each other. Our break up wasn’t vicious or anything, as I said, just a case of something that needed to happen for both of us. Anyways, she grew up, started dating a guy after me who she was with for five or six years and they moved away. However, two or three weeks ago they broke up and I did my best to cheer her up for her birthday. But this week, she’s started to really come on to me, suggesting I come see her and heavily implying she wants me sexually. She is very forceful about it (insisting I come see her, even though I cannot at the moment due to university) and I am most definitely interested in her (I will always have a soft spot for her). This leads me to my problem, I fear she just wants sex and to have her urges fulfilled, and I don’t want to be taken advantage of. In my conversations with her, I’m being the same sweet, caring guy to her, but she seems to only want to talk when she ‘s in the mood for other things.

If she wants me, I’m fine with that, but I don’t want whatever is going to happen become something I’m emotionally invested into and she isn’t. I cannot tell if she’s coming back because of our past or if it’s because she wants a future but she hasn’t healed fully from her break up to go about it in the right way. I really don’t know if I should just give her space but leave myself open to her approaches, or if I should push for things she may not be ready for due to the healing process. I am most definitely interested in her though, and it’s not because of nostalgia, but I think she might be feeling the nostalgia.

Any help you can provide would be greatly appreciated,

Thoroughly Confused.

[Read more…]

Plan The Perfect Valentine’s Day

February 11, 2013 by Dr. NerdLove 45 Comments

I don’t like Valentine’s Day. Frankly I never have.

Whether it was the weird socio-political status games played by children in grade-school to the modern day celebration of romantic love through commercial excess, whether I was single or in a relationship, Valentine’s Day has been one of my least favorite holidays. In fact, more often than not, Valentine’s Day represented a day of resentment and misery.

"If I time this just right, I can fuck with someone's head until they're 40!" — “If I play this just right, I can fuck with someone’s head until they’re 40!”

My irritation with Valentine’s Day comes from a long-built up resentment of the cultural cachet given to what is, ultimately, a made up commercial holiday. It is a day where we are expected to prove our affection for somebody through material goods and – by extension – to remind single people that they are ultimately worth less because they don’t have a special monogamous, heteronormative relationship and they should drown their sorrows in whiskey like the dogs they are.

Still, much like being an atheist at Christmas, it’s become such an intrinsic part of the culture – utterly divorced from the saint that it’s supposedly dedicated to – that it’s virtually inescapable; even the most well-meaning of couples will feel the obligation to acknowledge Valentine’s Day in some form or another. So if you feel the need to celebrate your relationship on an utterly arbitrary day, then I want to teach you how to have the perfect Valentine’s Day.

By ignoring it.

[Read more…]

Survive Your Dating Emergencies

February 8, 2013 by Dr. NerdLove 12 Comments

How many of you dread dates – you worry yourselves into a frenzy, imagining all of the ways things can go horribly wrong and picturing a dream date turning into an all-too-real nightmare?

Over the years, I have gone on more dates than I can reasonably count. As a result, I have dealt with just about every single dating fuck-up that you can imagine from the mundane (car trouble, restaurants losing my reservation, credit cards being declined) to the downright bizarre (tracking a coke dealer all over Austin). Through time, experience and multiple affronts to my dignity, I’ve learned how to be ready for almost any dating emergency that you’re likely to encounter, and how to roll with the ones that you aren’t.

Which, in true nerd style, means learning to embrace your inner Batman.

"The wind rises, tearing dead leaves free. Frogs croak like a cartoon car alarm. Crickets pick up the chorus. A wolf howls. I know how he feels." — “The wind rises, tearing dead leaves free. Frogs croak like a cartoon car alarm. Crickets pick up the chorus. A wolf howls. I know how he feels.”

Stick with me here.

In a world filled with super-powered aliens, maniacal robots and gods made flesh, the Batman stands alone – an ordinary man with no powers, who triumphs through strength of will, years of training… and being prepared for damn near everything. There is no scenario he has not gamed out well in advance, and he’s kitted himself out with the necessary equipment to handle the most common events.

You can learn from this. By anticipating the most likely problems and taking the time to do your prep work in advance, you can easily avoid or mitigate some of the worst-case dating scenarios and turn a date heading for disaster into a night to remember.

[Read more…]

Ask Dr. NerdLove: Calling You Out

February 6, 2013 by Dr. NerdLove 91 Comments

Doc, I need your help with this girl.

So typical text game. I met her through my friends. She messaged me on facebook saying that “she was told to contact me” she instantly said that I looked handsome blah blah blah etc. We ended up texting and everything went great. I worked my way from face pics to a tit pic within 4 days.

Note: I Havent met her yet but we skyped a few times.

So we were planning on meeting this past weekend. she lives 4 hours away in Charleston SC and I live in the West part of the state. We were to meet in charlotte because we had mutual friends we were going to meet with anyways. I ask the night before to see if we were still on for the daye, she never responded. We text almost everyday! She didnt text back for 4 days. we were in contact everyday. I did the right thing and never text back and was waiting until she texted me.

So she texts today that saying how horrible her week has been and her phone messing up. Me, being the stalker that I am, saw t hat she posted a snapshot of a text convo on her instagram. I ignored her text. I knew she was lying. I had to study anyways. She texts back again 4 hours later. This is where I went wrong.

She texts “HEY”

I text back “I didnt believe your excuse of a messed up phone because you were active on your facebook, twitter, and instagram. so you’re lying. You could have followed up with a yes or no response via numerous other options. Im not mad, i just feel obligated to call you out.”

This happened 4 hours ago and she hasnt text back. I fucked up. I want to go balls deep in her soon. How do I successfully recover from this without seeming desperate.

PLEASE and THANK YOU BUD!

Frog King Horny

[Read more…]