Archives for March 2013

Ask Dr. NerdLove: Why You Gotta Make Things So Complicated?

March 27, 2013 by Dr. NerdLove 90 Comments

Hi Dr NerdLove I need your help

I’ve got myself in a sticky situation with a girl I’m starting to date. Well let start at the beginning.

So one Day in class this really cute girl sits next to me and we start talking and hit it off. So it turns out she is being the nerd I’ve ever meet. She plays d&d, reads the books, plays yu-gi-oh and is a gamer. So I’m like there’s a unicorn in front of me and I have to kill it, skin it, mount it head on my wall and make sauge with its body. So I end up getting her number( she gave it to me I didn’t have to ask) , we start texting and have been texting for the last month or so.

I also immediately made sure to stay of the friend zone. I told her I was interested in her but not ready for relationship having just gotten out of one. So fast forward to now a month later and I ask her out on a date and she says yes. So I’m texting her later on and she say her girlfriend( i knew she was bi) is okay with it as long as she comes home to her. My brain completely melts at this revelation. I’m ask her if she was Poly and she didn’t know what that meant so I ask her if she would have multiple partners and she didn’t give me a clear answer. So we still have date on Saturday and today I find out her mother knows about me. I’m so confused because I really like this more than any other girl I’ve been around so I’m hoping this turns out well but there are a lot of variables involved. My friends are like leave it alone but I don’t know. Please help Dr. NerdLove your my only hope.

P.s I’m a dude.

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Leveling Up: How To Be More Attractive In 5 Easy Steps

March 25, 2013 by Dr. NerdLove 569 Comments

One of the ongoing debates that crops up when it comes to dating advice for men is: “How important are men’s looks?” Just check the comments section of this blog; whenever I talk about what women find attractive in men, people will inevitably show up and insist that all of this is bullshit and that women are interested in tall dudes with rippling washboard abs, blindingly white teeth, pecs you could bounce rocks off of, an Audi R8 and a 7 figure bank account.

Which is why Dwayne Johnson has been People's Sexiest Man Alive for seven years running... — Which is why Dwayne Johnson has been People’s Sexiest Man Alive for seven years running…

Others will insist that looks don’t matter at all and that it’s strictly a matter of one’s character.

So here’s the cold hard truth: good looks matter. But they also don’t.

Confused? It’s understandable. The issue comes down to the differences between how men and women define “attractiveness”. Men tend to have a more uniform definition of what they consider attractive while women’s definitions tend to have more variability. Men tend to assume that women view men with the same metrics that men view women – that is, that women will put greater importance on facial symmetry, height, body fat percentages, penis size and muscle tone.

In reality, being attractive to women is a combination of a host of factors, coming together to build a holistic version of desirability that’s based on more than just whether or not one has Scandinavian cheekbones and piercing blue eyes.

Good looks in men certainly help when it comes to attraction; nobody is denying that. But there’s a difference between being good looking and being attractive. And there are many ways for a man to make himself more attractive.

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The Value of Field Experience

March 22, 2013 by Dr. NerdLove 202 Comments

When this goes up, I’ll be a guest at AggieCon 44 – my second con as a dating advice professional, giving a talk to attendees about dating for nerds, and it’s been giving me some time to think. I’ve been writing this blog for going on two years now. There’re nearly 400 articles, posts and occasional snarky asides all about the various ways to go out and improve your dating life. Going by the traffic numbers, a lot of you have been devouring everything I’ve had to offer over all this time, and I’m profoundly greatful for each and every one of my readers.

But it has occurred to me that I’ve been negligent in giving some of the most important advice that anyone looking to get better at dating – whether they’re looking for a long-term relationship or more casual sex partners. So today I want to give you the one piece of advice that’s going to do more kick your dating life to the next level than anything else. But it’s going to be a little odd, so stick with me here.

I want you close down your browser. Quit reading the blog. Put on some stylish clothes, throw some product in your hair and head out the door.

But... outside is where the Cursed Day Star waits to burn us with the power of it's hate! — But… outside is where the Cursed Day Star waits to burn us with the power of it’s hate!

It’s time to go out and put what I’ve taught you into practice. You need to get out there and get some field experience.

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Ask Dr. NerdLove: Someone Set Us Up The Bomb

March 20, 2013 by Dr. NerdLove 46 Comments

Hi Dr. Nerdlove,

I only just found your column, but I love that there’s somebody out there giving nerdy men encouraging, thoughtful dating advice that also takes a respectful look at gender relations.

I relate to a lot of what you say about “leveling up,” making yourself attractive by being fun and improving your life. I’ve been doing this, and have come a long long way from the friendless nerd I was a dozen years ago in high school. I’ve got a decent job, great friends, creative outlets, and an overall lifestyle that I’m very happy with. I’m very satisfied with myself as a person, though I’m taking every opportunity to grow and seek out new things.

So of course, I’m finding myself eyed up by the opposite sex a lot more. What’s tough for me, though, is that my confidence and my wit go out the window around women I’m attracted to. I often end up dating women I’m less into because I’m comfortable around them, and before you know it, we’ve fallen into a relationship.

Recently, this has really come to a head for me. For the sake of my anonymity, let’s say I do slam poetry on weeknights. Slam poetry is my passion. I’m really good at slam poetry, have lots of friends in the slam poetry community, and esteem from other slam poets in my town. In the last month a two, I’ve seen a woman around the slam poetry circuit. She’s just started, and I like her. A lot. She’s gorgeous, fun, and interesting. And I’m pretty sure she likes me. Like I keep catching her sneaking glances at me likes me. Like she comes and talks to me.

But like I said before, I’m terrified of women I’m attracted to. I’m scared to come on strong and be a creep. Part of that’s learned behavior from high school and college, when I’d ask girls out point-blank, they’d say yes, but then never take my calls and avoid me. Part of it’s also seeing just how much hassle from men you get when you’re a beautiful woman. And this woman is gorgeous. Like for the first time since I was 14, I was talking to this woman and looked into her eyes and forgot what I was saying.

And I’d be okay if I knew I didn’t have a chance. I’m so charming to women I don’t have a chance with.

So the other day I was at a Slam Poetry event, and she spent much of it talking to me. Good sign, right? But still the whole time, I was petrified. Then, I had an opportunity to ask for her number. I got it, then quickly excused myself from the entire event. Like things were going to suddenly go pear-shaped. I know I didn’t like ruin anything by going, but it said a lot to me about myself that I couldn’t just enjoy myself around her, let the night wind down on its own. Now I’m not sure what the next step to take is.

This is like a specific situation that illustrates an overarching problem for me. I’m having trouble interacting with women I’m attracted to, and I have a lot of trouble making my intentions known, asking them out, showing that I’m interested. What advice do you have for a man who’s scared of women?

Stumbling Blocks

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