It’s an old cliche that 90% of communication is non-verbal, but it’s true. So much of how we communicate intent and meaning to others is through our actions and our body language rather than our words. What you say and how you say it are two different things; in fact, tone and expression can alter the meaning of the words you use. How many times have you been talking to someone and they assumed you meant something entirely different from what you said because of your “tone”… a tone that you were totally unaware of?
Just because you think you’re saying something clearly doesn’t mean that it’s coming across the way that you intended. Your words – and by association, your intent – carry less weight when your tone and non-verbal cues completely contradict them. And while you may not realize it, this inherent contradiction can be hindering your interactions with women. After all, if a woman is hearing a different message than the one you’re trying to convey, she’s going to be less likely to want to see you again.
It’s a common problem amongst guys – we tend to be less emotionally expressive than women, especially with respect to our voice and body language. But while we’re socialized that stoicism and emotional steadiness is a good thing, it cripples our ability to connect with women. Women aren’t going to want to date Paddy O’Solemn – they want someone who they can connect with on an emotional level. If you’re not used to expressing yourself, you are cutting yourself off from a valuable tool for forming that emotional connection women are looking for.