Despite the fact that approach is actually one of the least important parts of dating, it usually remains one of the most terrifying for many men. Lots of guys, especially guys who are shy, suffer from approach anxiety, or who are socially inexperienced, dread approaching women the way I dread the hooded figures from the the dog park1 or the giant spider-like things that shuffle out of the Underdark when it’s 3 AM and I haven’t been sleeping and also I’ve taken a heroic dose of Mescaline.
Many men wish that women would make things easier by being willing to take the initiative themselves. But, despite social progress and the ardent wishes of many, many men, the accepted cultural narrative places the onus on men to make the first move. And in fairness, there are women who simply prefer men to be the aggressor and won’t be the one to approach them. But there are also plenty of women who can and do approach guys… provided he’s the right guy.
You could be that guy… as long as you know the secrets to making women come to you.
On Monday I talked a lot about the reasons why women don’t approach men, and the social and cultural barriers that discourage women from making the first move. There is a great deal of social programming that warns women against being “that girl” – the pushy, clingy or “desperate” guy-chaser who drives men away, and there are many men who react badly to women who are “too forward”. You may not be one of them… but she has no way of knowing that. So if you want women to approach you, you have to understand how to make women feel comfortable enough to make the first move.
- Don’t go to the dog park. The dog park will not harm you [↩]