On Monday, I talked a little about the toxic culture surrounding masculinity and how it hurts men. Today, I want to start the conversation to help dismantle it. And one of the best places to start is to talk about sex. Specifically: male virginity and the shame in not having sex. One of the things that I’ve…
Archives for May 2014
Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Do I Enforce My Boundaries?
Doc, I was hoping you could help me with something. I’m a 30 year old guy who was sexually abused as a child by a woman. When I was younger, dating and even flirting with women brought about anxiety and a vague sense of dread. A few years ago, I got myself into therapy, started…
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Elliot Rodger and the Price of Toxic Masculinity
Friday night, May 23rd, Elliot Rodger stabbed three men to death in his apartment. He then got behind the wheel of his BMW and proceeded to murder three more people and injured thirteen others before dying of a gunshot wound to the head. He did this because he was a virgin. This isn’t speculation. In a blood-chilling video…
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What Can One Man’s Mistake Teach Us About Open Relationships?
On Monday, I mentioned how the universe liked to drop the occasional subject into my lap, sparing me the time and effort to come up with a new topic. I didn’t exactly expect the same thing to happen again quite so soon, but Reddit apparently saw fit to provide me with a story about open relationships…
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Ask Dr. NerdLove: Is It Too Late To Fix Things?
Doc, I need your help: My boyfriend and I are relative newcomers to the idea of enthusiastic consent. Unfortunately, this realization came five years into our relationship. And the last two years have been spent trying to put humpty dumpty back together again. Well, really they’ve been spent just trying to understand what the hell…
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“Cutoff Culture” And the Myth of Closure
Every once in a while, the universe likes to drop a subject in my lap. Last week, several of my readers forwarded me an article on Medium called “Shining Light on Cutoff Culture“, a think piece by one Jeff Reifman, about closure and communication. Evidently, Reifman’s heart was broken by “Emma” when she not only…
