Archives for December 2014

Wednesday Open Thread: New Year’s Eve Edition

December 31, 2014 by Dr. NerdLove 21 Comments

It’s Wednesday, which means it’s time for the NerdLove internists and residents to take over the comments section to talk about whatever anyone wants to talk about.

This week: it’s New Year’s Eve. Maybe you’re going to a small intimate gathering with friends. Maybe you’re just having a quiet night at home. Or maybe you’re going to a raucous Bacchanalian revel to make the gods themselves blush.

Welcome to 2/3rds of downtown Austin — Welcome to downtown Austin

Regardless, New Years is a time for reflection and a time for new beginnings. So keeping in mind my feelings on New Years Resolutions, today’s suggested topic: what are you hoping for in the upcoming year? What are your plans and what are you looking forward to?

Remember: no trolling, no spam, no hate. See you all when the hangovers subside and a happy new year to you all!

Ask Dr. NerdLove: Can We Make Long-Distance Work?

December 26, 2014 by Dr. NerdLove 24 Comments

Dr. NerdLove,

I’m facing a situation that I’m sure quite a few of your readers are starting to think about right now, and thought I’d reach out for advice.

It’s about to be the start of the second semester for many seniors in college. For most guys, this is the perfect window of opportunity for a no-strings-attached fling before heading off into the real world. For those of us in serious relationships, it means that we are starting to think about the possibility of ending things with our girlfriends or possibly doing long distance.

Enter me: So eight months ago I started dating this incredible girl (hot, smart, funny – the whole package) who is two years younger than me. It’s my first relationship that is really serious – and while I wouldn’t say our relationship is perfect, it’s going well and we love each other.

However, I have to make a decision on whether to do long-distance pretty soon. I’m moving up to work in Boston after graduation while she’ll still be in D.C. finishing school. Doing long distance would be very manageable – I’ll be making solid money at my job and have weekends completely free. She also has plenty of free time and can afford flying up 1-2 times a month. Flights are cheap, quick, and we could theoretically spend every other weekend together. Not to mention that we did 3 months of long-distance over the summer to start the relationship and she’s even expressed interest in making it work.

There are some twists. I want to eventually attend a top business school in the U.S. yet she’s an international student without a long-term visa, so there’s a possibility (30-50%) that she’s not in the U.S. two years after she graduates. My firm is a multinational and I could easily transfer to wherever she is after graduation, but I would have to relocate in a year or two back to the U.S. to get my MBA.

My friends have also told me that my early 20s are the best years of my life, that I should not be tied down. My heart tells me to go for it, but my mind is telling me that there are hurdles and a future after her graduation is by no means a guarantee.

So here’s the question(s):

-how should I approach the big conversation about long-distance with her, and how should that conversation even go? I’m worried that if things end at the end of the year I’ll be left wishing I spent more time with my friends. I’m also generally a dude incapable of having these serious conversations without saying something idiotic.

-should I even do long-distance, given the degree of uncertainty over both of our futures?

-how the hell do I mentally deal with all this uncertainty over the long-term future of my relationship? I’ve been consistently depressed thinking about the possibility of losing her and losing out on an incredible future with her.

I’ve talked to other friends dealing with similar questions, so while the specifics of my situation are different I think many seniors out there could use your wisdom.

Best,

Suddenly Senior

[Read more…]

Wednesday Open Thread: Holiday Spirit Edition

December 24, 2014 by Dr. NerdLove 7 Comments

It’s Wednesday, which means it’s time for the NerdLove internists and residents to take over the comments section of the site. At least, if there’s anyone actually reading a dating advice column on Christmas Eve, anyway.

Today’s suggested topic: Holiday favorites. Let’s talk about your favorites from holidays long ago. Do you have a favorite tradition or family ritual that you do every holiday? Something you do every holiday season even if nobody else seems to appreciate it?

My personal favorite tradition: getting as many of my friends from school together while I’m in my home town and hitting up a local Tex-Mex place for lunch, catching up over margaritas, tostadas and enchiladas. It’s a little more difficult now that we’re all old and have kids and responsibilities, but we still make the effort.

Share your favorites in the comments. And no matter what holiday you celebrate, if any, remember the REAL reason why we celebrate this time of year: coming together to celebrate life, warmth and togetherness at the coldest and darkest time of the year.

You know the rules: no trolling. No hate. Have fun and happy holidays!

Stop Being Socially Awkward – Pt. 2

December 22, 2014 by Dr. NerdLove 13 Comments

Being socially awkward can make every day life feel like a constant trial. Basic socialization starts to feel like a video game of neverending quicktime events where you have microseconds to figure out the appropriate response and you have absolutely no idea what to do.

... and it costs you 5 bucks a throw to feel constantly confused and frustrated. — And then if you choose wrong you get eaten by snakes or Giddy Goons and wait what are we talking about again?

But you can learn to overcome social awkwardness. Last time, we talked about how certain mindsets and beliefs contributed to feeling awkward and uneasy in social situations and how you can deal with them. But when you’re in the thick of things and your heart is racing and you feel all the eyes in the room focusing on you, you don’t want long-term solutions, you want to know what to do right now. So I’m going to teach you some practical skills that you can start using today to help cope with those socially awkward moments.

[Read more…]