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Archives for January 2015

Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Much Is Too Much?

January 30, 2015 by Dr. NerdLove 95 Comments

I’m a 34 year old male. I’ve never kissed, sex, relationship, etc… I don’t mind discussing this with people I know. I feel like because I’m too open about my situation people think I’m looking for self pity. I don’t really, I just want them to know about my situation so it’s not awkward when it comes up later in time. I’m not embarrassed, but I know that some people look at as a red flag… especially women. So my question is : Is my openness about my situation really a redflag/dealbreaker? I’m not good with secrets. I also think I use it as an excuse when I get the vibe they don’t understand me.

Too Much Information?

[Read more…]

Wednesday Open Thread: Blockbuster Season Edition

January 28, 2015 by Dr. NerdLove 38 Comments

It’s Wednesday, which means it’s time for the Doc to sneak away with the latest copy of Sex Criminals and let the NerdLove interns and residents take over the comment section for their own purposes.

OK, it’s nice that Interstellar did well enough to get a sequel but… wait, that’s the FF? Well, with the release of the Fantastic Four teaser and the upcoming debuts of Ant-Man and Avengers: Age of Ultron, comics have never had a better year at the movies. But there’re still ones that deserve their own movie adaptation. Today’s suggested topic: what comic – superhero or otherwise – do you think needs to be brought to the screen (either on film or TV) and who would your dream cast be?

As always, you know the rules. No hate, no spam, no trolling.

Have fun!

The New (And Impossible) Standards of Male Beauty

January 26, 2015 by Dr. NerdLove 848 Comments

Over the last couple of weeks, some news stories were brought to my attention that illustrate a problem I’ve been observing for a few years now.

The first was the latest in a long line of Photoshopping scandals. What made this interesting was that rather than some already-stick-thin female model being slimmed down even further or women of color having their skin lightened or their features made to look more caucasian1, the subject in question was Justin Bieber. The website BreatheHeavy.com released what were supposedly unretouched photos of the Bieb – photos that suggested that Bieber’s muscles and package got a Photoshop-based enlargement. Of course, Bieber’s legal team went into overdrive, insisting that the “before” pictures were the altered ones and forced BreatheHeavy to retract them.

The other was an article in Esquire UK, where the author decided to spend three months in a quest to become – in his words – “totally ripped”.

What strikes me about these stories is how they play into a new and pernicious narrative – the new standards for male beauty and how the quest to live up to them has been taking a deadly toll on men.

[Read more…]

  1. All of which are so common that it’s kind of sickening [↩]

Ask Dr NerdLove: Is My Girlfriend a Slut?

January 23, 2015 by Dr. NerdLove 352 Comments

Hello Dr. Nerdlove,

I am a twenty-year-old girl currently dating a twenty-seven-year-old guy. We’ve been together for six months now, and our relationship has been sexual for a few months. It’s been great, but I wouldn’t be writing if things were perfect.

Before this relationship, I was extra virgin. No intercourse or other partnered sexual activity, no kissing, no cuddling, nothing. Everything is new and exciting, and my “introduction” has been great. My boyfriend can read me perfectly. He recognizes when something feels good and does it, even if it seems silly. He delights in my pleasure.

Here’s the problem. When we’re together, everything is very much about me. My pleasure. My satisfaction. My climax. When I’m done, that’s it, unless I indicate I want to go for round n+1. In many ways, I suppose it’s a reversal of the “usual” problem.

I want to be a more giving partner but I’m very shy and timid, and I have no experience in this regard at all. I’ve tried my hand at manual stimulation, but he’ll often position himself in such a way that I can’t actually get a hand on things, such as by pressing against me. Neither of us has performed oral on the other and we’ve had sex exactly twice. Both times went very well, but he suffers from performance anxiety (he can get it up, until we want to do something with it). He’s very good at rolling with it, and can adjust with barely a hiccup, but I do wish I knew what to do to help him relax. I’ve done everything I know of to reassure him that I’m not frustrated or disappointed or mad or judging him or whatever, but usually I just ignore it. I don’t know if that’s the best way to address it, but it feels better than pointing it out unless he does.

I really care for this guy, enough so that I feel game for just about anything. Even “weird” stuff, if it was what he wanted. I’ve told him, multiple times, that if there’s anything he wants he can tell me. He always says he’s happy, and I do believe him. At the same time, I feel selfish. I want to make HIM feel good, in any way I can, not just take my own pleasure.

When it comes to doing something for the first time, I usually wait for him to guide me into it. I’m not very proactive, partly because I don’t know if any given action would be something he wants. I’m nervous about making specific offers because I don’t know what I’m doing, but I think that’s part of the problem. He’s timid too, so we both tend to sit around wanting something without saying it (neither of us gets resentful, though. We know we should just say it already; we’re just nervous). Recently, when I asked if he wanted me to do anything, he instead asked if there was anything *I* wanted to do. I was too shy to tell him I wanted to try giving him head. Besides, though I appreciate his concern for what I want, I want to know what HE wants.

I want to be more giving in my relationship, but I don’t know how. I want to make my boyfriend feel good, not just happy. Should I stop pussyfooting and make specific offers, or should I ask permission to perform (prospects that make me very nervous)? Or should I approach it from another angle entirely?

-It’s Better To Give Than To Receive

[Read more…]

Wednesday Open Thread: Good Old Games Edition

January 21, 2015 by Dr. NerdLove 76 Comments

It’s Wednesday, which means it’s time for Doc to slip out the back to the comic store while the NerdLove residents and internists take over the comments section for their own nefarious purposes.

This week’s suggested topic: video games. Good Ol’ Games just released a pack of Lucasarts Star Wars games including one of the best space-combat sims ever, X-Wing Vs. Tie-Fighter.

"I have you now..."
“I have you now…”

So with that blast of gaming nostalgia, let’s talk games. What are some of your favorite games from back in the day – the ones you wish you could play again, or perhaps ones that have been ported to other systems.

You know the rules: no hate, no trolling, no spam.

Have fun!

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About Dr. NerdLove:

Harris O'Malley (AKA Dr. NerdLove) is an internationally recognized blogger and dating coach who gives dating advice to geeks of all stripes. Making nerds sexier since 20011

Remember: Dr. NerdLove is not really a doctor. [Read More …]

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