Archives for April 2015

Wednesday Open Thread: Summet Blockbuster Edition

April 29, 2015 by Dr. NerdLove 69 Comments

It’s Wednesday, which means it’s time for the Doc to try to master the art of running and reading comics at the same time. Meanwhile, the NerdLove residents and interns take over the comments section for their own nefarious purposes.

This week’s suggested topic: this Thursday, the release of Avengers: Age of Ultron marks the start of the summer blockbuster season. What big blow-out movies are you looking forward to seeing? Or are you more interested in the lesser-noticed, quieter releases? Share your thoughts and expectations in the comments below.

You know the rules: no hate, no spam, no trolling. Have fun!

No More Magic Feathers: The Secret To Finding Real Self-Improvement

April 27, 2015 by Dr. NerdLove 402 Comments

Ok, folks. It’s intervention time. I spend a not inconsiderable amount of time checking the metrics on my site. I see which pages get shared the most, which ones people check out the most often and which people keep coming back to. And I’m going to be honest: most of you are sabotaging your own self-improvement.

I write a lot about what it takes to get better at dating, and the cold, hard truth is that social success is dependent on being a better person overall. Dating is a holistic activity; the problems you have in your dating life are reflected in your every-day life. Whether you want to be a player and rack up dozens of sex partners or find the love of a lifetime and settle down, the secret to success is to build a better life.

The problem I keep seeing, however, is the number of people who’re looking for that one thing. They believe in that one thing that’s holding them back from the life they know they could have. It’s that perfect outfit. It’s losing weight and getting the perfect body. It’s the right car, the right lines, the right dating profile, the right job, the right apartment. They’re the ones who say “I can’t date because I don’t have X”. They’re the ones who worry about women who’re “out of their league” because they don’t have the right face or the right life. It’s the people who think that if they just get more dates, more girlfriends, more sex, their lives will be better.

They’re looking for that magic feather, that ineffable object or goal that will propel them into the life they’ve always dreamed of.

They’re the ones who will never improve.

If you’ve thought to yourself that you need this one thing to make your life perfect, then you’re ruining your own self-improvement. It’s time to let go of those magic feathers and start looking into what it takes for real self-improvement.

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Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Can I Be A Better Wingman?

April 24, 2015 by Dr. NerdLove 156 Comments

Hi Doc,

I have a question which is a bit different from your usual fare, but I hope you can help me with.

I’m a gay man in my 20s and I like to go out with my friends. Many of these friends are single women, who are interested in finding – if not the man of their dreams, then at least the man of their immediate needs.

But – here I profess to have no clue how you heteros operate – when I’m out with my friends, especially if it’s just me and one woman, every guy will assume I am her boyfriend. This is good for weeding out creeps, like the ones who will apologise to me for talking to her (she gets to choose who she talks to, even if we were dating). But isn’t so good for my friends, or for more awkward guys who wouldn’t even try to join our conversation or when we’re having a dance. My friends like awkward guys.

I’m about as camp as you can get away with in a straight bar, but I know a lot of guys have no gaydar at all, so short of wearing my ‘Too gay to function’ t-shirt everywhere – how can I project that my friend and I aren’t a couple?

We already do things like not touching overly when we dance, sitting in a way that’s open to the room, don’t flirt at all, we take turns buying drinks. How can I make sure I’m only cock-blocking the guys I know my friends don’t want anything to do with?

Yours sincerely,

Talk To Me, Goose

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Wednesday Open Thread: Game of Thrones Edition

April 22, 2015 by Dr. NerdLove 26 Comments

It’s Wednesday, which means it’s time for the Doc to lock himself in his office with a giant stack of comics. Meanwhile the NerdLove interns and residents take over the comments section for their own nefarious purposes!

This week: On Sunday, HBO’s Game of Thrones diverged significantly from the books. Entire plotlines have been changed, characters who don’t appear in the books show up on screen and now the Maesters are finding themselves in the same position as the Unsullied. What do you think of this? Do you prefer the book’s approach to the world of Westeros, or do you appreciate HBO’s decision to make the TV series it’s own beast? And can you game out future plotlines in the books by what’s now happening in the show?

Be careful when discussing events in the books that haven’t happened yet, for the comment section is dark and full of spoilers.

As always, you know the rules. No hate, no spam, no trolling.

How To Avoid Getting “The Fade”

April 20, 2015 by Dr. NerdLove 831 Comments

One of the trickier aspects of improving your dating life is that there’s always another level to master. It’s easy to assume that once you’ve made it past that initial hump – building a cool wardrobe, getting over your approach anxiety and generally learning how to connect with potential dates – that it’s all smooth sailing from there. But as I’m always telling people: mastery is just the realization that there’s more to learn. Getting that first date is a major step. Now you need to get that second date. And the third. And that’s where new and different problems come sneaking in.

One of the things I hear about regularly from my readers – both here and over at my column at Kotaku – are people who keep experiencing what’s known as “the fade away” or “ghosting”.

When they're only just dating you to pass on a curse that SUMMONS a ghost, that's the "Ring Out". — When they’re only just dating you to pass on a curse that *summons* a ghost, that’s the “Ring Out”.

Things seem to be going well, but they’re consistently meeting women who like them well enough at first, but lose interest by the third or fourth date. Suddenly, their dates are always “busy” before they quit returning their calls or texts.

Now to be fair: this is part of dating. You’re not always going to be a match with someone, and it may take a couple dates to realize this. It sucks, but dating at it’s core is a number’s game. You’re going to hit a few false-positives before you find someone you click with. But when it’s happening to you consistently… that’s a different story entirely. As I’m always saying: once is happenstance, twice is coincidence. Three times is ~~enemy action~~ an indication that you’re doing something wrong. If you’re regularly getting the fade, the odds are good you’re having one of a number of common issues. Let’s do some troubleshooting for your dating life, shall we?