What’s up Doc,
Here’s the thing… I’m completely nuts for a girl and she seems to be completely nuts for me. She’s smart, funny, gets excited by the littlest things, is a complete geek, and is seriously beautiful. I think she is about the best woman I’ve ever had a relationship with and I’d totally consider her to be marriage worthy. However you knew there was a “but” coming and here it is: she is pretty religious and wants to be married prior to engaging in *any* sexual activity. That includes just about any form of physical contact beyond some heavy petting… that is any heavy petting is okay so long as it doesn’t directly bring a digital member in contact with a genital member. This in itself isn’t that scary… I’m fairly traditional in a lot of ways myself… and I appreciate that she doesn’t hold others to her standards, being accepting of people who don’t feel that way. She’s also super liberal when it comes to social mores and doesn’t worry about gay marriage and all of that.. she’s just attempting to stay true to “her walk” and as such she doesn’t want to have sex until she is married.
My concern is, what if I marry her and there is no sex? What if she finds I’m not right for her in a pants-feel type of way? Before her I’ve only had one sexual partner, and that only lasted for a few months and wasn’t that great so I know that that can happen. My own libido is maybe middling on a scale of ravenous to frigid, but I’m just afraid her’s is going to be on the frigid end and it means that by marrying her I’ll gain an awesome friend-life-partner to do cool stuff with but I’ll never get the physical aspect of it except very rarely (as in she wants to conceive, or it’s my birthday, and then I have to worry about her just lying back and thinking of England as it were, the whole time) and that’s just it. I’d be fine with a couple of times a month; I’m not a crazed sex machine who is constantly rock hard and raring to go. I actually fully agree with her in fact that I want to be completely head over heels with any person I’m having sex with because otherwise I don’t feel like either of us would be getting the full experience that both of us have said we need. I’ve talked with her a bit about this and that’s how we know we both are on the same page about how we are feeling. I think what is scaring me is that I’ve expressed how much she turns me on, how sexually she excites me, (something she has commented on recognizing due to certain things popping up between us…) and her responses to that are always deflection or to tell me how smart she thinks I am, or how much fun I am to watch movies and do geeky stuff with. To me it feels as though she wants us to stay in the early stage dating experience forever, and I’m desperate for it to become more physical at least occasionally, beyond hand holding and cuddling on the sofa..
I just don’t know what to do Doc, she’s everything I could want in a partner but I’m afraid to commit because I’m afraid that means I’m resigning myself to being a celibate life partner, not a romantic and sexual partner… but at the same time i don’t want to throw away a good thing. I just can’t seem to balance if sex is more important to me than companionship and she seems reluctant to talk about it.
Sex Or Love
