Archives for September 2015

Wednesday Open Thread: Fantastic Fest Edition

September 30, 2015 by Dr. NerdLove 2 Comments

It’s Wednesday, which means it’s time for the Doc to lock his office and sneak off for a special screening of Takashi Miike’s “Yakuza Apocalypse”. Meanwhile, the NerdLove interns and residents take over the comments section for their own nefarious purposes!

This week’s suggested topic: it’s Fantastic Fest, the world’s largest genre film-fest with movies ranging from Guillermo Del Toro’s Crimson Peak to the punks-vs-skins thriller Green Room or Charlie Kaufman’s haunting animated movie Anomalisa. While I’m helping cover the fest for OneOfUs.net, let’s talk a little about upcoming movies. Sure there’s that ten ton behemoth coming up in December, but what under-appreciated or under-seen movies are coming up that you think need a little more love and attention? Share your suggestions in the comment section.

You know the rules: no hate, no spam, no trolling. Have fun!

Why You Should Fake It ‘Til You Make It

September 28, 2015 by Dr. NerdLove 392 Comments

Last week I told you that authenticity was important. This week, I’m going to tell you why it’s good to lie. And no, this isn’t a contradiction in terms.

Stick with me here, this will all make sense in a second.

One of the things I regularly advocate, especially when you’re just starting to work on yourself, is “fake it ’til you make it.” The idea is simple: you develop your confidence by simply acting as though you’re already confident. But in practice, it can be more complicated. For many people, the idea of “fake it ’til you make it” feels like, well, a lie; like you’re trying to trick people. If you’re trying to be your most authentic self, then how are you supposed to square that with lying about your confidence?

Simple: it’s because you’re not lying to people. You’re lying to yourself.

Sort of. Fake it ’til you make it isn’t about tricking others. It’s not about presenting a false front to the world. It’s about changing how you see yourself… and the way you change as a reaction to that belief.

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How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone (Without Losing Your Friend)

September 25, 2015 by Dr. NerdLove 287 Comments

Normally, on Fridays I like to answer readers’ dating questions. However, occasionally I’ll receive a question that merits a full article, something that has wider interest than the specific circumstances of the question. This week, we have just such a question.

And it involves The Friend Zone1

We’ve talked about avoiding the Friend Zone in the first place by behaving like a potential lover, rather than a friend. We’ve even talked about how to try to reframe a purely platonic relationship into a potentially sexual one. But one of the things we haven‘t discussed are the mechanics of actually making that leap. What do you do when you’ve finally screwed up the courage to tell your special someone how you feel? How do you even bring it up? How do you handle the potential fallout?

It’s a tricky maneuver, and one that carries serious risks to your relationship as it currently stands. But without risk, there is no reward.

Let’s break it down, shall we?

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Standard disclaimer: there is no friend-zone, there are just people who want to date or sleep with you and people who don’t. The terminology is used here merely as a term of convenience. [↩]

Wednesday Open Thread: What’cha Watching? Edition

September 23, 2015 by Dr. NerdLove 12 Comments

It’s Wednesday, which means it’s time for the Doc to lock himself in his office to catch up on his Netflix queue. Meanwhile, the NerdLove interns and residents take over the comments section for their own nefarious purposes!

This week’s suggested topic: It’s all about the TV. The Emmy’s just happened and the new fall season is officially here. What are you watching and what are you looking forward to? Are you hyped for The Muppets’ return to TV? Looking forward to the new crop of superhero TV shows? Did you cut the cable and now stick to Hulu and Netflix?

(Or are you still focused on making #baeofpigs jokes? That’s cool too.)

Share your thoughts in the comments.

You know the rules: no hate, no spam, no trolling. Have fun!

The Value of Authenticity

September 21, 2015 by Dr. NerdLove 393 Comments

Let’s talk a little bit about authenticity and being authentic. It makes a lovely buzzword, doesn’t it? You hear about authenticity as a marker of quality or sincerity, an antidote to artificiality. We talk about valuing authenticity in our lives, but the way we live is almost always anything but. We live in a world that encourages us to be fake, to put on masks, to hide who we are and put up barriers between ourselves and the rest of the world.

The V mask is a great example of this: subsuming our own identities into the collective group. Twin Design / Shutterstock.com — “Hi, I want to express my desire to protest against the restrictions on my freedom by subsuming my identity into a singular collective” . Twin Design / Shutterstock.com

Look at social media; for the first time in human history, we are able to connect with others in ways that people before us could never even dream of… and we use it to lie to each other. We may be sharing our lives with others, but we do so in a very carefully curated manner, picking and choosing what we share in order to craft our brand. We want to cultivate a specific look and narrative, so that when people think of us, they see what we want them to see instead of who we really are.

Small wonder that relationships are so damn hard for us; we’re trying to get people to connect with the illusion of us instead of the reality. We’re exhausting ourselves trying to carry the weight of these false expectations. Being authentic, on the other hand, is freeing. It’s attractive. It helps build trust and form true and lasting connections.

It’s time to start taking off the masks and learning to embrace our true, authentic selves.

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