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Archives for January 2016

Ask Dr. NerdLove: When Is It Time To Leave?

January 29, 2016 by Dr. NerdLove 87 Comments

Hi, Dr. NerdLove:

I read your column quite often, and I’m really hoping you can help me.

I have been in a relationship with a severe alcoholic for almost 8 years. We have a seven year old son, who is absolutely wonderful. My son’s father is a decent enough person. In fact, once upon a time, I thought I was in love. But when he drinks, he is emotionally and psychologically abusive towards me, and he is neglectful with our son. On the weekends, he starts drinking first thing in the morning, and continues all day and night through to Sunday. I have stopped sleeping in the same room as him, since I am either sexually assaulted, or I wake up in a puddle of piss. I’ll keep out all of the rest of the gory details in the name of being succinct, but suffice it to say, he is a text-book alcoholic. And to top it all off, his family blames EVERYTHING on me. And he and I are both in our 40’s.

This is my current dilemma: last Sunday, he went into the hospital because he couldn’t breathe. I didn’t hear for him for a few days, so I had to track down his mother to find out what was going on. Come to find out, he has pneumonia, a kidney infection, and his liver is starting to fail, all due to alcohol.

My problem is…I just don’t care. In fact, I do not want him to move back in with us if and when he gets out of the hospital. I know he’s not going to stop drinking, and I am very, very tired of putting up with his alcoholic bs, and getting guilt trips from his family. In fact, last year he went into detox/rehab three or four times. The last time he got out, he went to live with his mother…WHO ASKED HIM TO BUY BEER FOR HER ON A REGULAR BASIS. And still, it’s my fault.

His mother has been asking if I am going to go see him in the hospital, and I absolutely do not want to. I am so so so so pissed that he is putting my son and myself through this, and the financial burden this is putting on me. Plus, he never got around to getting health insurance, and it looks like he’ll be in the hospital for weeks.

My question is, am I a horrible person because I just don’t care anymore? His mother told me there is a chance he may not survive…and I feel nothing. If anything, I feel relieved. I don’t want him back in our lives, and if his side of the family can’t accept that, then I guess my son loses out on that side of the family. Not a single one of them asked us how we’re doing. And our son is telling people in school that he hates his father (please know I DO NOT say anything bad about his father in front of him…). I just don’t know the best way to handle this.

Thank you,

So Sick of His Shit

[Read more…]

Wednesday Open Thread: Offbeat Music Appreciation Edition

January 27, 2016 by Dr. NerdLove 45 Comments

It’s Wednesday, which means it’s time for the Doc to start browsing the obscure parts of the Internet to fill out his vintage MP3 collection. Meanwhile, the Nerdlove interns and residents take over the comments section for their own nefarious purposes!

This week’s suggested topic: Last week, Kieron Gillen and Jaime McKelvie’s music-as-magic comic Phonogram wrapped up and it’s put me in a mood to talk and share music. But rather than share the top-40 stuff or the usual suspects, I want to talk about more unusual, less common music. So let’s talk about the offbeat, unusual or obscure music and genres you love. So break out those lesser-known soundtracks and dig into your collection for the quirky stuff that you love that’s a little off the beaten path. Bonus points for YouTube links so other people can enjoy it too. I’ll start with two very different tracks. The first: the aria “Aria De Mezzo Carattere” from Final Fantasy VI:

And for something completely different: a little electro-swing for people who like their vintage with a harder beat and lots of synths…

You know the rules. No hate, no spam, no trolling. Have fun!

How To Get Laid (Without Being A Fuckboy)

January 25, 2016 by Dr. NerdLove 501 Comments

If you’ve spent, oh, any time online, you’ll have come across the term “Fuckboy”, especially when it comes to dating. In one of the more fascinating (if you like semiotics and lexicography) examples of linguistic migration, fuckboy was first popularized by Cam’ron in the song “Boy, Boy” and spread out from there to other artists’ work. And then it hit social media and basically fucking exploded all over the place. In general, a fuckboy is someone who’s lame, a scrub. When it comes to dating… well, it’s these guys.

Nothing like someone who fancies himself to be a real-life Christian Grey...
Nothing like someone who fancies himself to be a real-life Christian Grey…

"So after I neg you, we go straight to the blowjobs, right?"
“So after I neg you, we go straight to the blowjobs, right?”

Oh the wit. The poetry. The romance...
Oh the wit. The poetry. The romance…

fuckboy_04
Dunno, chucklefuck, maybe you should’ve found that out first?
screenshots via 40yrolddater and fuckboyfiles

Fuckboys are the bane of online dating. Fuckboys are warnings to others: this is the behavior that ensures you will never have sex, even with yourself. The thing isn’t that they’re trying to get laid, or that they’re angling for some no-strings-attached sexy times. There’s nothing wrong with that. The problem is the way they go about it. They’re the douchebags who make women shut down their accounts and reconsider the possibility of celibacy. They’re one of the reasons why it’s trickier for guys to get laid than it has to be, because they’re the ones who’re causing vaginas to dry up and panties to lock firmly into place.

If you’re looking for a Tinder hook up, a friends-with-benefits situation, a strings-free fling when you’re out of town or a same-night lay, then you need to understand what makes a fuckboy and how to avoid being one.

[Read more…]

Ask Dr. NerdLove: When Advice Columns Collide

January 22, 2016 by Dr. NerdLove 25 Comments

Doctor’s note: Hey folks, this week we’re doing things a little different. Sometimes even the advice-givers need a little advice of their own… so who do they reach out to? Well, in this case… me. Straight from the pages of the excellent comic Fresh Romance, advice columnists of The Divorcée Club have sent questions of their own in for Ask Dr. NerdLove. These questions will also appear in an upcoming issue of Fresh Romance, so be sure to check them out as well! With that having been said… let’s do this thing.

Hey Dr. NerdLove…

So, I’m married to someone who is a great partner in pretty much all ways. We get along well, we take our relationship seriously but not too seriously, and we are truly partners. There’s one thing that we both struggle with, though. I’m a social butterfly who thrives in situations where I can flit from group to group chatting with friends and acquaintances. I love meeting new people. I get loud and chatty. He… does not. He prefers quiet evenings with a handful of people he knows well. In loud social situations with a ton of people, he’s not necessarily uncomfortable, but he’s not having fun. We haven’t found a good compromise to this situation yet. In casual friend outings, we are both a-okay with doing our own thing and going out alone. For work, I have to do my thing, and he would like to join to be supportive, but is there a way to make him comfortable without excluding him from the social stuff? Are we missing a middle ground? Help!

Celtine

[Read more…]

Wednesday Open Thread: DC Movie Edition

January 20, 2016 by Dr. NerdLove 55 Comments

It’s Wednesday, which means it’s time for the Doc to go through his list of Academy screeners and vote accordingly. Meanwhile, the NerdLove interns and residents take over the comments section for their own nefarious purposes!

This week’s suggested topic: Warner Brothers is trying to step up it’s movie game to compete with Marvel. Featurettes have been released giving us our first look at the cinematic Justice League, logos and images of the upcoming Wonder Woman movie have been leaked to the press and the trailer for Suicide Squad has just dropped.

Brought to you by Hot Topic!
Brought to you by Hot Topic!

(Plus, The Flash came back after the winter hiatus but that’s another story.)

So what do you think? Can DC catch up with Marvel? Will anyone respect a villain who’s power is “throws boomerangs”? Was it a mistake dropping Harley’s “Guys and Dolls” accent? Can the movies ever compete with the DC tv shows?

Share your thoughts in the comments!

Remember: no hate, no trolling, no spam. Have fun!

Next Page »

About Dr. NerdLove:

Harris O'Malley (AKA Dr. NerdLove) is an internationally recognized blogger and dating coach who gives dating advice to geeks of all stripes. Making nerds sexier since 20011

Remember: Dr. NerdLove is not really a doctor. [Read More …]

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