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Archives for May 2016

5 Signs Your Relationship Is Already Over

May 30, 2016 by Dr. NerdLove 64 Comments

Breakups happen. It’s a fact baked into every relationship: all relationships come to an end until one doesn’t. Sometimes the breakup comes screaming out of the clear blue sky while other times it’s like watching an oncoming train and knowing you’ll never get out of the way in time. But not every relationship ends with a loud and dramatic climax. Sometimes the end has already come and nobody has noticed. Your relationship is shuffling along like a zombie, putting on the empty performance of being a couple even as your hopes and dreams quietly bleed into dispair.

"It's cool, the passion died first."
“Sure, everything we had together has rotted away, but can you imagine being single again? That’s scary…”

Sometimes there’s that vague sense that things are wrong as you both try to half-heartedly keep things going because that’s what you’re supposed to do, right?  After all, it can be hard to pull the trigger on that break up, even when you know it needs to happen. However, there comes a point when everyone needs to realize that the patient is dead and there’s no amount of CPR, couple’s therapy, lingerie, or weekend getaways that can bring it back.

Here’s how to recognize that your relationship is already over and it’s time to let it go.

[Read more…]

Ask Dr. NerdLove: Help, My Girlfriend’s Friends Want To Bang Her

May 27, 2016 by Dr. NerdLove 72 Comments

Doc,

Short and sweet. I just want to know how unhealthy it is that my girlfriend continues to be friends with all these men that openly want to have sex with her.

Concerned

[Read more…]

Wednesday Open Thread: Holding The Door Edition

May 25, 2016 by Dr. NerdLove 48 Comments

It’s Wednesday, which means it’s time for the Doc to take his direwolves to their obedience classes. Meanwhile the NerdLove interns and residents take over the comments section for their own nefarious purposes!
This week’s suggested topic:

Well… there’s really no way we’re NOT going to talk about folks’ favorite Game of Thrones characters.

"Hodor."
“Hodor.”

This season of GOT has been a roller coaster, especially now that we’re firmly in terra incognita for those who’ve read the books. So let’s talk about what’s been going on now that we’re at the half-way point. Are you liking where the series is going? Are you preferring the tv series to the books now? ARE YOU OK AFTER SUNDAY YET? Or did you decide to ignore the whole thing and watch Preacher instead?

You know the rules. No hate, no spam, no trolling. And if you’re going to talk about recent events in Westeros, be sure to give ample warning for the night is dark and full of spoilers.

Have fun!

The Science of Nice Guys and Assholes

May 23, 2016 by Dr. NerdLove 468 Comments

One of the never-ending struggles for men is the dichotomy of the Nice Guys vs. the Tough Guys. The Nice Guy is sexually null, a pathetic being who can’t earn a woman’s affection through his own worth and so attempts to weasel his way into her heart (and pants).

Because who can resist those beady eyes and twitchy whiskers?
Because who can resist those beady eyes and twitchy whiskers?

The Tough Guy though… he’s the dude to be, right? Adored by men, beloved by women. He’s the alpha, the bad boy, the one who pushes the Nice Guy aside and bangs his girlfriend, his sister and his mom.

If he were a Pokémon, he'd be Swolebro...
If he were a Pokémon, he’d be Swolebro…

The idea of the dominant alpha male as the superior mate has long been a trope among pick-up gurus, Red Pill advocates and the like, often pointing to studies that have shown the correlation between dominance and attraction. Clearly, being alpha is the key to getting chicks, right? Well… not so much. In fact, science has quite a lot to say about whether it’s the dominant Alpha Bro or the Nice Guy who gets the women’s hearts a-flutter.

Turns out, people are asking the wrong questions.
[Read more…]

Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Can I Grow A Spine?

May 20, 2016 by Dr. NerdLove 105 Comments

Hello Doc!

I had a question I was hoping an expert could help me answer. I started dating a girl at the beginning of this year. Things were going great, we were highly compatible, she was an interesting conversationalist, and we were both physically and emotionally compatible. Great times were had by all… for about 4 months.

See, about 3 months in I told her that I loved her. I meant it, of course. I sat on my feelings for a bit before expressing them, I wanted to be absolutely sure. She told me she did not feel the same way and wanted to see where things went. I told her that was fine, I did not expect her to feel that way and understood and respected her feelings. Then things changed.

I started noticing that the quantity and quality of text messages diminished. I’ve had this sense before in previous failed relationships but thought I was just being paranoid. We were still great in person, we were still very intimate, and so I ignored the texting thing.

Then about a month later she tells me she needs to talk. She had been doing some thinking and believes that she is a lesbian. I was not sure how to respond to this. I know she’s been in love with a girl in the past, love that was un-reciprocated. She had never been in any serious relationship with a man or woman in the past. She had asserted, when we first started dating, that she was bisexual. Now that was no longer the case. The relationship ended, unfortunately. When asked if something changed after telling her I loved her she said she was filled with dread upon hearing that. She said she wasn’t sure if she could ever feel that way.

I have two questions based on all of this: 1) Should I have told her I loved her? Should I have waited longer, regardless of outcome? 2) When I thought something might have been off would it have benefited me to bring it up in conversation and discuss it? I thought about it and wasn’t sure if it was important enough at the time. I’m trying to learn from mistakes made here as I move forward so any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

– Trying to Learn

[Read more…]

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About Dr. NerdLove:

Harris O'Malley (AKA Dr. NerdLove) is an internationally recognized blogger and dating coach who gives dating advice to geeks of all stripes. Making nerds sexier since 20011

Remember: Dr. NerdLove is not really a doctor. [Read More …]

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