Archives for July 2016

Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Can I Explain My Kink?

July 29, 2016 by Dr. NerdLove 76 Comments

Hello, Doc,

So, I think I have a problem that quite a few people also experience–dealing with kink, especially one that’s rare, particularly strange by “normal” standards, or one that many people find outright disgusting. In my case, I’m a vorarephiliac. It’s not something I’m particularly proud of, and I don’t think any amount of sex-positivity or rationalizing is going to change that, because my kink is, to speak perfectly frankly, more than a bit disturbing.

In my case, though, it’s contributing to my already-poor self esteem, and it’s become something of a barrier to my efforts–not because I’ve told anyone and they’ve rejected me in disgust, but because a potential relationship, as you’ve articulated, requires both partners to be, essentially, at least comfortable with each others’ needs and desires, and I’m sure that the overwhelming majority of women wouldn’t react positively to the revelation. I suppose my question isn’t “How do I hide my kink?” but, “How do I make it clear that this doesn’t define me, and that it wouldn’t be an obstacle in a sexual relationship?”

Thanks,

Wishing for a Different Kink

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Wednesday Open Thread: The Belated Edition

July 28, 2016 by Dr. NerdLove 3 Comments

It’s Thursday, which means the Doc just woke up from the coma he’d fallen into after saving the world (again) on Tuesday. Meanwhile the NerdLove interns and residents take over the comments section for their own nefarious purposes. This week’s suggested topic:

stranger-things Stranger Things. Just… dude. Stranger Things. Hitting the perfect mix of 80s homage and nostalgia without being cloying or beating you over the head with it while still having a properly David Cronenbergian horror story at it’s core. Did you grow up in the 80s? Did this bring back happy (or less happy) memories?

Share your thoughts in the comments section below. You know the rules: no hate, no spam, no trolling. Have fun!

How To Read Body Language

July 25, 2016 by Dr. NerdLove 23 Comments

Being able to read body language is a powerful tool to have in your social toolbox. After all, meeting people can be pants-shittingly intimidating at times. You want them to like you. Sometimes you want them to like you like you. You don’t want to end up annoying them, creeping them out or otherwise fucking up meeting a potential new friend or partner. At the same time, you can’t read their minds to gauge how they’re feeling about you. Being able to read their body language, on the other hand, gives you the insight you crave.

And for everything else, there's stalking their Facebook page. — And for everything else, there’s stalking their Facebook page. (Alexey Boldin / Shutterstock.com)

Now, despite what movies and TV will tell you, reading body language isn’t like doing a Sherlock scan on someone. You’re not going to be astounding people with your telepathic party tricks. But if you want to have a better sense of how someone feels or what they think about you, being able to read their body language will help you out.

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Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Do I Change My Feelings?

July 22, 2016 by Dr. NerdLove 49 Comments

Hey Dr. NerdLove,

I’m writing to you anyways because I really need your help. I’m actually pretty ashamed of my problems too. I despise the way I think and feel, yet no matter how hard I try to repress them, they just keep resurfacing. I feel like I have to repress them because if I try to express my thoughts and feelings to another person, I’ll most likely be vilified. Hell, even I would shun me. But you seem like a very intelligent individual with an open mind, so maybe you can help.

So just a little information about me to offer some insight. I’m eighteen and male. I reside in Canada. I also have dyslexia, ADHD and depression. I grew up in a small town which I, sadly, still live in. Drug use runs rampant throughout the town (I, myself, don’t do drugs anymore). There’s a colossal amount of racism as well (I’m also not racist). And everyone seems to hate each other.

This led to me slowly isolating myself and growing cynical over the years. I’ve never really had a close relationship with anybody. The only role models I’ve ever had was fictional characters like Dr. House or Temperance “Bones” Brennan. My parents, bluntly speaking, emotionally neglected me. The other kids essentially bullied me.

This finally brings me to the whole reason I’ve decided to write this. The worst of the maltreatment was at the hands of women. Both by my mother and female peers. My mother cheated on my father and manipulated us my entire life. My peers called me names. Like ugly, dumb or weird, to name a few.

I used to support feminism. But now I’m on the fence about it and women in general. I’ve only ever been hurt in relationships with women. So I’ve now become especially cynical towards them. I really wish I didn’t think this way, and I feel stupid for it, but I do. I don’t want to overgeneralize but when I look around me all I can see are affirmations. I also read stories online which makes me believe that women will always treat me disdainfully.

I hate to pester you with my problems but you’re honestly the only person I can think of that can help me at this point. How do I stop thinking and feeling like this? I despise it more than anything. :/

Sincerely yours,

Conflicted Dyslexic

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Wednesday Open Thread: Summer Memories EditionT

July 20, 2016 by Dr. NerdLove 11 Comments

It’s Wednesday, which means it’s time for the Doc to wax his board and head out to catch some waves. Meanwhile, the NerdLove interns and residents take over the comments section for their own nefarious purposes!

This week’s suggested topic:

Summer changes as you get older. What starts off as a magical time full of promise and adventure becomes “another day, just hotter than usual”, before cycling around to watching your children (or your friends’ children) have the same magical experiences you did. So what are some of your favorite summer memories? Summer camp? Going on vacation with your family? Hitting the beach? First job? Or just days of endless potential that never seemed to end?