• Archives
  • Contact Me
  • The Secret Origin of Dr. NerdLove
  • Dr. NerdLove Store
  • Dr. NerdLove’s Affiliate Store

Paging Dr. NerdLove

Love, Sex and Dating For The Modern Nerd

Search The Archives

  • Books
  • Podcasts
  • The Grimes Test
  • Ask Dr. NerdLove
  • The Basics
  • Private Coaching
  • Contact Me

Archives for January 2017

Level Up: 5 Different Ways To Boost Your Charisma

January 30, 2017 by Dr. NerdLove 24 Comments

For the latest installment of the new Level Up series, I want to talk to you about how to be more charismatic. Charisma is an important part of being a more desirable, datable person. Charisma is the difference between someone that people like to spend time with and the people who may be well liked… but aren’t quite as attractive or interesting. But when we talk about charm and charisma, people tend to focus on one example or another above all others. Take this clip of Will Smith on the Graham Norton show as an example.

Despite being on stage with four very charismatic and well-regarded celebrities, Will Smith draws more attention than anyone else. He’s able to crack jokes and riff on people’s stories – even interrupt them – without being seen as being rude. But improving your charisma isn’t just a case of “be more like Will Smith”; after all, if you’re shy or introverted, it’s hard to maintain that level of intense energy or attention. If you want to improve your charisma effectively, you want to do so in a way that meshes with your personality. Being charismatic doesn’t mean that you need to be the center of attention, it just means being able to connect with people.

So, to start leveling up your charisma, let’s look at 5 different ways of making that connection.

[Read more…]

Ask Dr. NerdLove: Are We Dating Or Not?

January 27, 2017 by Dr. NerdLove 12 Comments

Hello Dr. Nerdlove

I am currently in a friends with benefits situation with a girl I met on Tinder. I have been single for about 5 years now and this is my second try at the friends with benefits situation. I have to say, so far, I don’t think I’m wired to be in this kind of relationship.

I always saw myself as a monogamist so sleeping around was not never really my thing. The first time, the girl had just gotten out of a long relationship and wanted to be her own person for a while. I thought to myself, I’ve been single for too long this is perfect to figure out what I want ! I ended it after a week because she didn’t want to cuddle or kiss. And she had already met another guy in that week anyway so that didn’t fly with me. That was last year. Now I signed up on Tinder and met my current friend in my second week. I keep my Tinder active but I don’t go on it anymore because I don’t like to sleep around with a bunch of women. I like security and simplicity. But this girl, we hit it off right away. Same kind of humor, same hobbies etc… On the second date with her, she told me that she had a lot of bad experiences with her exes and that she was just dating and taking things slow. That put me off a bit but we get along so much I didn’t want not to see her again. A few days later she invited me to dinner at her place and I made a move. I’ll skip the details but needless to say we are very much in sync.

She told me again that she wasn’t looking for a relationship, I told her that even though I am, I still want to see her again because we really do have a wonderful time when we are together. We text every day, pretty much every morning and night, she loves it when I kiss, cuddle with and hug her. We watch tv like I love to do when I am in a relationship.

We have known each other for about a month now and here’s the big problem, even though I get a big part of what I want, she still says things like: ” I’m gonna regret when you meet someone and I have to let you go. I just can’t be in a relationship right now.” and other variants of this. I tell her that I don’t want to meet other people and that this is enough for me right now, and it is. She also tells me that she is done with dating sites because there are too many weirdos (no shit Sherlock) and that I am pretty much the only guy she is seeing. But I get very anxious because I don’t want her to meet someone else. I guess my problem is that I am split between an amazing girl with whom I get along amazingly that gives me almost everything I want, including amazing sex but with the thought in the back of my head that its only gonna explode in a horrible way sooner or later OR peace of mind and trying to find a better partner who actually is ready for a relationship…

Is there a way to change her mind ? Is there a hidden message I’m not seeing ? What’s your take on the situation ? Please help me figure this out… And thank you for your time.

Gizmoon

[Read more…]

Paging Dr. NerdLove Minisode #14 – The Rules of Hook Ups

January 26, 2017 by Dr. NerdLove 1 Comment

It doesn’t matter whether this is a one-time fling or the start of a new stage in your relationship; the first time you hook up with someone can be exciting… and it can be stressful as hell. After all, it’s one of those times when there are any number of ways that things can go wrong – and odds are, you’ve spent a lot of time worrying about it happening to you.

This week, the Doc has some rules for hooking up that will help ensure that your night ends with the bang.

Show Highlights:

  • How to avoid the behaviors that ruin a hook-up before it even happens
  • What single trait makes the best lovers
  • How to make sure you know how to please your partner every time
  • The single biggest mistake men make when it comes to sex

…and so much more.

Related Articles:

The Truth about Casual Sex (And How To Get It)

Fuck Like A Gentleman, Pt. 1

Fuck Like A Gentleman, Pt 2

Nerd Role Models: The Pick-Up Artist

Don’t forget to subscribe and review us on iTunes and on Stitcher.

Want more dating advice? Check out my books at www.www.doctornerdlove.com/books

Wednesday Open Thread: Your Crazy Dating Stories

January 25, 2017 by Dr. NerdLove 26 Comments

It’s Wednesday, which means it’s time for the Doc to slip off to Transylvania Polygnostic to start his lecture circuit. Meanwhile, the NerdLove interns and residents take over the comments section for their own nefarious purposes!

This week’s suggested topic:

Sometimes dating can be sublime. Other times, it can be absurd. Let’s hear about the absurdities today and share a much needed laugh. What wackiness have you encountered in your time in the dating pool? Did your date bring their hetero platonic lifemate with them on your first date? Did you end up chasing their coke dealer all over town?

This may have happened to someone I know…

Share your story in the comments section, the more absurd the better.

ALSO: I’m still taking Tinder submissions for a Tinder Profile review round-table! Want in? Submit yours to doc@www.doctornerdlove.com with “Tinder Review” in the subject header.

You know the rules. No hate, no spam, no trolling. Have fun!

Can Consent Be Sexy?

January 23, 2017 by Dr. NerdLove 175 Comments

“I think it’s ridiculous to ask your sexual partner for consent every 6 seconds.”

I had this discussion thread on Twitter forwarded to me recently. It’s part and parcel of what happens whenever the idea of consent is brought up on social media. Whenever we talk about the concept of enthusiastic consent – that is, getting a definitive “yes” for sexual activity – there will always be an argument. There is inevitably someone who will complain about the burden. It’s portrayed as needless “social justice” interference, sucking the joy out of sex and not in the fun way. After all, who could sustain the mood when you have to keep asking permission to do anything? Why should someone ask if they can kiss someone and if they can touch their chest and if they can undo their belt?

Negotiations broke down at the third “can I kiss your neck” clause once everyone realized they were too damn bored.

 

At the same time, most of the talk about getting consent focuses on clarity and the necessity rather than the method. In fact, trying to make asking for consent more appealing can get no small amount of pushback.

Case in point

And while it’s undeniably true that consent is required, the idea that asking is a stumbling block persists. It’s not really enough to say “well… tough” when people are legitimately worried about not knowing how to ask. It’s an ongoing failure in sex education.We may get a basic anatomy lesson, but we get nothing on how to talk about sex.

So consent may be required… but for every step? Does asking ruin the mood, or can consent be sexy?

[Read more…]

Next Page »

About Dr. NerdLove:

Harris O'Malley (AKA Dr. NerdLove) is an internationally recognized blogger and dating coach who gives dating advice to geeks of all stripes. Making nerds sexier since 20011

Remember: Dr. NerdLove is not really a doctor. [Read More …]

Connect With Dr. NerdLove

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • RSS
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Categories

Like Us On Facebook

Facebook Pagelike Widget

Become a Dr. NerdLove Patron

Virtual Tip Jar

private coaching is available at doctornerdlove.com/private-coaching

Out Now!

My new dating guide, New Game + is available at Amazon.com , iTunes and everywhere books are sold.

Recent Comments

  • Jimmy Two-Hammers "But you seemed to be framing it that there was something less valid or missing the point about my opinion or those of others saying similar things because we weren't addressing what was kinder, so I...

    Our Relationship Had An Unhealthy Start. Can We Ever Move On? ·  January 16, 2021

  • Belinda I have to completely disagree with the response to the second letter. Flirting is not harmless. I mean, I guess it is if both of you are doing it without intent, but who on earth ever has that...

    Our Relationship Had An Unhealthy Start. Can We Ever Move On? ·  January 16, 2021

  • Enail No, there's no objective measure to these things and that is just my opinion, I don't think I was in any way implying that my opinion was objective - you'll note my many uses of the words "I think."...

    Our Relationship Had An Unhealthy Start. Can We Ever Move On? ·  January 16, 2021

  • Sue Having a partner you can't trust is about as bad as it gets. In his response to my discovery of the circumstantial evidence of the cheating, my ex proved to me that he could never be trusted to be...

    Our Relationship Had An Unhealthy Start. Can We Ever Move On? ·  January 16, 2021

  • Jimmy Two-Hammers "But it's very much a matter of opinion whether or not it is the kinder response" Okay, but that's your opinion. My take is that it IS the kinder response. However, I also don't think this is...

    Our Relationship Had An Unhealthy Start. Can We Ever Move On? ·  January 16, 2021

Popular Posts

What Couples Can Learn From Gomez and Morticia AddamsWhat Couples Can Learn From Gomez and Morticia Addams
Socially Awkward Isn’t An ExcuseSocially Awkward Isn’t An Excuse
Nerds and Male PrivilegeNerds and Male Privilege
On Labeling Women “Crazy”On Labeling Women “Crazy”
When Masculinity Fails MenWhen Masculinity Fails Men

Archives

Tags

abusive relationships ask dr. nerdlove attitude attraction be a better man be a better person boundaries break up cheating communication confidence dating Don't Be A Creeper emotional abuse emotional health emotional intelligence flirting level up lifestyle masculinity Meeting Women mental health oneitis online dating podcast podcasts rejection relationship maintenance relationships self-esteem self-improvement self-limiting beliefs sex sexual compatibility sexuality skills social skills talking to women the friend zone toxic masculinity toxic relationships use your words virginity what not to do youtube