Archives for March 2017

Hello Doc!

I wanted to ask if you could help me out with something. This is my first time writing to you, although sadly this letter is probably a few years too late. I have done some terrible things.

Back in October 2015, I was talking to a girl on Twitter, she is the same age as me( 18 at the time). I will just call her D. We have never met in person and live in different countries ( I live in the UK and she lives in Norway) and first started talking a year earlier. It was obvious she only talked to me because she pitied me. I was very needy and insecure. I asked her out earlier that year which was stupid as we live in different countries and couldn’t have dated anyway. She politely said no. I messaged her back but didn’t here back from her. I didn’t hear from her for about six months, until I created a twitter account just to get in touch with her.

Anyway, so it was October 2015 and while talking to her as myself, I created a new twitter account under a fake name to talk to her. I originally created this in order to talk to her anonymously and not have to worry about what I wrote to her. Anyway, I couldn’t resist asking about her boyfriend. After, I asked about him once I couldn’t stop probing her about him. I asked to see a photograph of him, and then ignored her first attempts to refuse to give me that picture. Also, while I was doing this I hunted down a photograph some guy who she may or may not have been dating in order to compare myself to him. I asked some guy she was friends with on twitter tons of questions about D, such as whether or not they talked about me and even asked if he thought she and her best friend ever had sex. The exact question was,”Do you think D and her best friend ever lezzed off before?”. At the time, I thought this was a okay thing to ask. He said that was creepy and refused to keep talking to me for a bit.

I eventually admitted to D that it was me and we stopped talking for a short while. I offered to leave her alone, and she then took me up on it. I eventually messaged her again anyway.

I was recently re-reading a conversation I had with a Woman on Quora about this (which is what inspired me to write to you). She was trying to convince me that this was cyber stalking and would have frightened her a lot. She even advised me to write to you. I didn’t want to believe I had stalked, as that would probably have meant I had no chance with her, and knew what you would say, so I refused. She said she knew I would do this as I had too much staked on my self image as having not done the wrong I have really done. She eventually cut contact with me as she promised she would if I messaged D or her friends, without letter her get in touch with me first.

Back in October 2016 I insulted her as I was desperate for attention from her. I messaged many times after that and never got a response. I had bad day, and I logged on to the internet and began insulting a bunch of people. A bunch of people who had been good to me, including D. I regretted doing this and when I went to apologize she had already replied. She told me she had been busy with work and uni and a family member of hers had just died. She told me she was disappointed in me and said she no longer wanted to talk to me anymore.

I left her alone for two months. Until I messaged her again. This time the message was much bigger and more insulting. In the message, I said things like how I only wanted to give her multiple orgasms( this was intended to be a ridiculous thing to say, not serious, but I don’t realise it had rape connotations). I also told how I was jealous of her boyfriend and wished I was more like him. I also called her boyfriend a “cuck” and insulted him several times and insulted D once. I didn’t think about what I was doing and it seemed like a good idea at the time. I originally was just some something ridiculous about her boyfriend and I thought I could provoke her into responding to me. I felt entitled to talk to her and couldn’t stand it that she didn’t want to talk to me.

The next morning, I tried to apologize and try to convince her not to block me. In the end, I ended up writing a bunch of mumbo jumbo. And then she blocked me anyway. Of course, I know I completely deserved to be blocked and I am probably lucky that’s all she did. At first I was okay with it. And I felt like a huge weight had been lifted of my shoulders. In the next hour or so, reality set in. I had realized what a terrible thing I had done and that I would never get a fix of my fantasy girl ever again. I panicked and created another twitter account and begged her to message me. She blocked me and I created another account. She ignored and then I gave up. I curled up into a ball for a while and it was one of the worst days of my life Only do the same thing again a week later early January. I tweeted her the next morning on the third fake account, I apologized for what I did and promised never to contact her. again. That was on the 4th of January and the last time I contacted her. Although, I had been tempted to add her on Facebook messenger a few times, but I knew it was wrong and thought about she wanted for once. So I didn’t do it.

Again, not trying to paint myself as a victim here, but I do deeply regret what I did and I know that sort of behaviour is completely unacceptable. She was very sweet person as well which makes my treatment towards her even worse. I have only been able to accept what I did was stalking until recently, when I knew I definitely wouldn’t hear from her again. I had too much staked on my self image as having not done the wrong thing I had done. Now that I have stopped lying to myself and accepted how poorly I treated her, all I feel is grief.

Anyway, I wanted to ask you

What do you think of my behaviour?

Do you think she was frightened by how I behaved? Does she probably think I would beat and rape her if given the chance?( I wouldn’t obviously)

Also, do you have any advice for me to help make sure I never behave this way again?

Thanks a lot Doc!

Yours Sincerely

C-Creepyo

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