One of the more tedious ideas in dating advice is the idea of “nice guys finish last” and “girls love bad boys”. It’s a truism that never seems to fully go away – the idea that women love assholes and will pick them over the self-described “nice guy”. The idea of assholes and bad boys underpins the PUA and Red Pill philosophies of learning how to be an asshole so women will love you. The whole “alpha fucks, beta bucks” mentality, dread game, negging women in order to prove your value and so on are all ways to try to dress up in bad boy drag and convince women that you’re “alpha”.
Frustrated nice guys will point to the success of the rape-tastic 50 Shades series, articles proclaiming that studies of dubious provenance have proven the high-octane sexiness of bad boys, women of their acquaintance who say they want nice men but go for scoundrels and of course, the asshole who got to their crush before they did. “I’m doing everything right and I’m still single, so what does he have that I don’t?” demand the lonely Nice Guys.
But the key to attraction isn’t about treating women like shit, it’s about understanding the underpinnings of why women seem to go for bad boys – even when they say they want someone nice.