How do I get out of the friend zone, but, like, in the opposite direction that most people are interested in? How do I stop having a crush without going nuclear (especially in a situation where “going nuclear” would seem to imply finding a different job or asking to be scheduled every shift my crush does not have, which seems fairly extreme)?
Okay, so, I work with a girl and am recovering from a serious case of Oneitis regarding her: Great person. Good friend. Positively loves hanging out with me outside of work. Most of the time, I love hanging out with her too. However, no matter how much I tell myself we aren’t going to work as a couple, I’m apparently not quite prepared to see her with anyone else. She brought a date to our coworkers’ wedding recently, and seemed to be way closer than anticipated with her childhood friend who was allegedly her date mainly to keep her ex from creeping on her. I mean, there were kisses on the lips and hands on the butt between these two, which, in a perfect world, I would accept have nothing to do with me, but which were very painful to watch in the moment.
I mean, barring something drastic like finding a new job, I still have to work with this person, and I do honestly want to be her friend, not one of the many guys out there who “accepts” a woman’s offer of friendship while still pretending there’s a chance they’ll bone if they just solve a certain riddle correctly or whatever, but I don’t quite know how to do that, other than the supremely unpleasant experience of giving it time and hanging out with my crush as she dates people other than me until that pain eventually dies down. Is there a less painful way to go about this, in your experience?
So, what’s the least bad approach to trying to find an honest-to-God friendship where a self destructive crush used to live?
The Friend Zone is Never as Bad as When You Actually Want to be Friends