Hi there Doc!
Firstly, I know this isn’t as serious or deep as most of your columns, but I need help!
I’m now married to the love of my life, which is AWESOME, but our relationship started out pretty rocky. Which is the crux of the problem.
Before I met “Greg” (husband) I was super overweight and in an abusive relationship, which I feel was based on my weight and that partner’s fetish. I had weight loss surgery around 20 years old, for my health and happiness, then the guy I was with (for three years) and I broke up for a lot of reasons. Some of them were because he fetishized my weight, but honestly just tired of the emotional and sometimes physical abuse. Losing the weight made me feel like I was in top of the world and I kind of spiraled. I worked at a club at the time so opportunity was ripe and I took it. I slept around and went to a bit crazy, often mixing social groups which caused a bit of tension between the people I was with and embarrassment on my part. Eventually I met my now-husband at an unexpected place and I was out of the game completely…
Or so he thought.
For the first two years I still craved attention. And it wasn’t even that Greg didn’t give me that attention, he totally did. He made me feel like a queen and still does. I feel like at that point I thought I missed out on so much that i wanted it ALL. I never crossed the physical line while I was with Greg but I did cross some lines.
I flirted, I gave my number out to ghost the guy on purpose, I sent boob photos just to feel that “power.” I would sneak messages with a guy, “Chris,” who I knew from a previous job, back when I worked with my abusive ex-boyfriend. Chris sided with me after the abuse came out when no one else did.
The thing is, Chris and I would have been perfect for each other of circumstances were different. We started messing around when we still worked together, and he saw what was going on with my abusive ex and really helped me get out. He told me all the things I need to hear but I do believe he meant it. The thing holding me back was that he fucked any girl he could. When I told him we had to stop, it seemed like it did… but that was the same time I met Greg.
The sexting, however, didn’t. They were explicit and I wanted his attention. I wanted to be with him at the time because it was so perfect and with my new-found confidence I could have anything, right? Well, Greg found the texts and flipped out. I wanted this to work out with Greg, so I made the choice to block Chris (and his close friends) on social media and changed my phone number. We worked past the sexting and eventually got married.
I’ve recently discovered through Facebook that Chris is dating “Liz.” Liz is a close friend of Greg’s best friend, so I’m worried that Chris will show up at events and get-togethers with her.
I feel like I’ll be able to act normally. I’m genuinely happy Chris has found a woman he’s (maybe) compatible with, and I am past that whole time in my life. I’m nervous because Chris might not feel the same way and it seems to be just casual with Liz. I know he tried to find me many times times after I blocked him/his friends and changed my number, but that was four years ago. I know that if Greg ever saw Chris in person he’d end up in jail or we’d be getting a divorce on stress alone.
How do I deal if everyone is in the same place at the same time?
-Potential Blast From The Past