We talk a lot about the importance of developing your social skills. However, one of the mistakes I see people make over and over again is how often they focus on the flashier skills; the ones that seem bigger or more impressive. People will, for example, get hung up on all the possible ways of approaching someone at a bar, or in the street or at a coffeeshop. But while those skills seem impressive, they’re actually far less important than people realize.
In fact, people get so focused on the flash that they neglect one of the most undervalued social skills imaginable: being a good conversationalist.
No. Seriously. While making approaches or taking people home gets all the attention, being a sterling conversationalist is what makes everything work. What do you think happens after you make the approach? What do you do to get them to want to stick around? The men who do the best with women are men who people love to talk to. If you don’t know how to engage someone intellectually and emotionally, you’re not going to engage with them physically either.
After all, almost every woman alive has been on dates with dudes who spend the entire time talking at them, not with them. Worse, they tend to run into the ones who only want to talk about themselves and never show the slightest interest in their dates.
The truth is that good conversation is a powerful tool. Most of my jobs and my relationships have come about because I’ve had a great time talking with people I’ve just met. A good friend of mine would fall in love with someone specifically because she had amazing conversations with them. Being able to connect with folks on an intimate and intense level is an invaluable skill to have.
Whether you’re networking, making friends or looking for love, being a great conversationalist is a skill you can’t afford to neglect. So let’s talk about what makes you someone people love to talk to.