I want to preface this letter by saying that I don’t believe that I am “forever alone” because of my looks, height, or lack of social skills. I’m 6 “1” and I’ve been told by people that I’ve met that I am fairly handsome, and although I do have social anxiety and (mild) Asperger’s I believe that I can work on my social skills to become better at talking to people. No, my problem is that in a cruel twist of fate the ever evolving pandemic situation keeps getting in the way of my plans to be more social and join hobby/interest groups and meet other like-minded people. It seems like whenever I think the pandemic is over it always throws another obstacle in my way to prove me wrong, and I’m not sure what to do about it.
I’m 21 years old, a 3rd university student in the stage of life when I’m supposed to be dating and socialising with others as much as possible. Your teens and twenties are the time when you’re supposed to be discovering your adult identity, a time to explore your interests and identity with other young like minded people. People meet their best friends and lifelong romantic partners in university because it is one of the only places where young adults can easily meet and date each other outside of online dating. After university most people are paired off with their lifelong romantic partner and friends are much harder. I don’t make friends easily, which is why I worry what will happen if I graduate without any substantial social interactions with others.
The thing is that I’m living at home with my parents even as I’m studying, a living arrangement that screams “basement dwelling loser”! I study a lot but otherwise I’ve reverted back to the age of 13, since my parents do most of the housework like vacuuming, cooking, and yardwork. I don’t have a part time job yet even though I’ve applied to a few job listings and really want a job. Since I’m immunocompromised I’ve had all 3 of my COVID shots as well.
My 1st (pre pandemic) university year didn’t go well because at the time I was engulfed in self loathing and tried to be someone I was not (I put on a fake British accent to impress others even though I’m Canadian born and raised). People understandably thought I was weird and that there was something wrong with me, and I ruined what could have been great platonic relationships as a result. I want to go back to school in person as my confident true self so that people will know the true authentic me, not the weird fake persona I put on as a 1st year. I know that I can be confident, sociable, and likeable person if I want to be, since I have been quite sociable and confident in the past when I worked on a political campaign and when I joined my high school’s geography and ecology club. However I can’t go to school in person right now because of uncertainties over this new Omicron variant. COVID has given me a lot of insight into what went wrong during my 1st year, but I remain haunted by the memories of my cringy behaviour.
I know that I’m not entitled to love and friendship obviously, but I’m not sure what to do to improve my friendship and romantic prospects in the future since COVID pandemic keeps throwing obstacles at me. I want to stay alive and COVID free obviously but I’m worried that 10 years down the road the COVID pandemic will still be ongoing and I’ll forever be a single friendless loser rotting away in his parents basement.
Do you have any tips on how to improve my friendship and romantic prospects while the uncertainties caused by the pandemic are still ongoing?
The former weirdo from uOttawa