Over the last few months, I’ve covered some of the more obvious traits and behaviors that you need to adapt in order to improve your success with women. But while you’re busy brushing up on your fashion and learning how to eliminate “Nice Guy” behavior from your emotional repertoire, there are some skills that you may never have realized you need. Ones that, despite lacking any obvious connection to meeting and charming women, can charge up your game in new and exciting ways, as well as helping you become a better, more well-rounded person.
I’m not saying that you need all of them, but the more you have, the more metaphorical weapons you have in your arsenal. And if you happen to be in high-school or college, now is the perfect time to start boning up on these skills; with some dedicated study time and effort, you’ll have a head start when spring break and summer vacation roll around.
Theatrical improvisation – perhaps most famously used by the legendary comedy troupes the Groundlings, the Upright Citizens Brigade and Improv Everywhere and famously popularized by Whose Line Is It Anyway? – is an incredibly complex and rich skillset… and it’s far more involved than just trying to make off-the-cuff jokes based on audience suggestions.
The basic focus of improvisation is communication and confidence, two things whose importance I cannot emphasize enough. Improvisation requires clarity of communication – in order to ensure that ideas are properly understood, active listening and awareness and the willingness to take risks and make choices on the spot without thinking. Improv requires being focused strictly on the moment, rather than worrying about potential consequences or failure. Overthinking is the death of improv – and it’s the curse of many a nerd who’s trying to talk to the woman he likes.
Imagine, if you will, the freedom you would have if you didn’t worry about every little thing – if you weren’t weighing your every word for possible misinterpretation or fearing every single possible negative outcome. Being able to smoothly follow the flow and rhythm of the interaction, rather than trying desperately to keep the conversation to the mental flow chart of things that you are comfortable with, will let you respond and react with ease and confidence.
In addition, skill at improvisation helps immensely when you’re dealing with interruptions and obstacles. No conversation in a public space is guaranteed to be without distractions, whether it’s her friends or incoming cockblocks from other would-be suitors; being able to smoothly incorporate them into the interaction – rather than doggedly trying to keep the conversation on track – is the sign of a confident man. In fact, one of the ways I recommend dealing with insulting jerks and AMOGS is a variation of the improv tactic “Yes, and…”. Agree and amplify the insult to the point of ridiculousness and suddenly the joke has been turned on the insulter.
And as a side bonus? Studying improv helps you learn how to be funny. And there’s a reason why women list “a sense of humor” as high as they do in the traits that they look for in a man.
At first this seems to be a bit of a “Duh, George,” idea; after all, every girl loves a guy who can hit the dance floor at the club and show off a little. But I’m not talking about the sort of dancing you’ll find at clubs and music venues. Oh no. I’m talking about the foxtrot. The waltz. The cha-cha. The merengue. Salsa. Swing.
I’m talking about ballroom dancing.
A key component of any form of dance is leading. The male role in ballroom dancing is to provide the rhythm and timing of the dance as well as guiding his partner through the motions and directions. Leading in ballroom dancing requires being willing to take charge and direct with purpose. A skilled ballroom dancer cannot be wishy-washy or insecure; he has to take the initiative with purpose. Dancing is all about non-vocal communication. A dancer leads with his body, keeping a firm frame and firm, deliberate movements. This is not a time for being indecisive; a weak lead impedes communication, which in turn, ruins the dance. A dancer with a weak lead will confuse his partner, collide with her at the wrong moments, step on her feet and cause her to stumble. A dancer with a strong lead makes the dance look effortless and graceful. Even when his partner is unfamiliar with the dance, a dancer with a strong lead can guide her through the steps with ease, erasing her uncertainty and providing the confidence she needs.
Confidence and leadership – as I have mentioned before – are incredibly attractive traits in men. Being a confident is expressed in more than just bragging; it shows in your body language, in the way you move and in the way you stand. Ballroom dancing teaches you how to lead: a firm arm, back straight and moving with grace and purpose. Hesitant movements ruin a dance just as being hesitant with women – both in your behavior and body language – can ruin the interaction. You have to be willing to take charge and be the one to direct her… even if it’s just taking her over to the bar for another drink.
It also makes you far more familiar with your body and – critically – at ease with interacting with hers. Latin dances especially will require your being at ease with your partner and willing to move in seductive and sexy ways. If you are afraid of getting in close to your partner, wrapping your arm around her waist and swinging her around your hips, you will never manage to perform a salsa or merengue. Nor, for that matter, will you be able to make the move when it’s time with your crush.
In addition, being able to do more than the White Guy Shuffle (arms at ninety degrees, stepping side to side) or the 8th Grade Slow Dance Sway will serve you well in and of themselves. Most major cities will have swing nights, which make for excellent dates that go beyond the stale “Dinner and a movie” that most women are subjected to. Not to mention the value at weddings. Ignore the elaborate lies that Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson make up for themselves in Wedding Crashers; the secret to winning over the bridesmaids is being the fun guy at the reception. Being able to actually dance, especially more active dances like merengue or swing, will make you the most popular man at the party.