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Over the last few months, I’ve covered some of the more obvious traits and behaviors that you need to adapt in order to improve your success with women. But while you’re busy brushing up on your fashion and learning how to eliminate “Nice Guy” behavior from your emotional repertoire, there are some skills that you may never have realized you need. Ones that, despite lacking any obvious connection to meeting and charming women, can charge up your game in new and exciting ways, as well as helping you become a better, more well-rounded person.
I’m not saying that you need all of them, but the more you have, the more metaphorical weapons you have in your arsenal. And if you happen to be in high-school or college, now is the perfect time to start boning up on these skills; with some dedicated study time and effort, you’ll have a head start when spring break and summer vacation roll around.
Improv
Theatrical improvisation – perhaps most famously used by the legendary comedy troupes the Groundlings, the Upright Citizens Brigade and Improv Everywhere and famously popularized by Whose Line Is It Anyway? – is an incredibly complex and rich skillset… and it’s far more involved than just trying to make off-the-cuff jokes based on audience suggestions.
Wait… really?
The basic focus of improvisation is communication and confidence, two things whose importance I cannot emphasize enough. Improvisation requires clarity of communication – in order to ensure that ideas are properly understood, active listening and awareness and the willingness to take risks and make choices on the spot without thinking. Improv requires being focused strictly on the moment, rather than worrying about potential consequences or failure. Overthinking is the death of improv – and it’s the curse of many a nerd who’s trying to talk to the woman he likes.
Imagine, if you will, the freedom you would have if you didn’t worry about every little thing – if you weren’t weighing your every word for possible misinterpretation or fearing every single possible negative outcome. Being able to smoothly follow the flow and rhythm of the interaction, rather than trying desperately to keep the conversation to the mental flow chart of things that you are comfortable with, will let you respond and react with ease and confidence.
In addition, skill at improvisation helps immensely when you’re dealing with interruptions and obstacles. No conversation in a public space is guaranteed to be without distractions, whether it’s her friends or incoming cockblocks from other would-be suitors; being able to smoothly incorporate them into the interaction – rather than doggedly trying to keep the conversation on track – is the sign of a confident man. In fact, one of the ways I recommend dealing with insulting jerks and AMOGS is a variation of the improv tactic “Yes, and…”. Agree and amplify the insult to the point of ridiculousness and suddenly the joke has been turned on the insulter.
And as a side bonus? Studying improv helps you learn how to be funny. And there’s a reason why women list “a sense of humor” as high as they do in the traits that they look for in a man.
Dancing
At first this seems to be a bit of a “Duh, George,” idea; after all, every girl loves a guy who can hit the dance floor at the club and show off a little. But I’m not talking about the sort of dancing you’ll find at clubs and music venues. Oh no. I’m talking about the foxtrot. The waltz. The cha-cha. The merengue. Salsa. Swing.
I’m talking about ballroom dancing.
Wait… Really?
A key component of any form of dance is leading. The male role in ballroom dancing is to provide the rhythm and timing of the dance as well as guiding his partner through the motions and directions. Leading in ballroom dancing requires being willing to take charge and direct with purpose. A skilled ballroom dancer cannot be wishy-washy or insecure; he has to take the initiative with purpose. Dancing is all about non-vocal communication. A dancer leads with his body, keeping a firm frame and firm, deliberate movements. This is not a time for being indecisive; a weak lead impedes communication, which in turn, ruins the dance. A dancer with a weak lead will confuse his partner, collide with her at the wrong moments, step on her feet and cause her to stumble. A dancer with a strong lead makes the dance look effortless and graceful. Even when his partner is unfamiliar with the dance, a dancer with a strong lead can guide her through the steps with ease, erasing her uncertainty and providing the confidence she needs.
Confidence and leadership – as I have mentioned before – are incredibly attractive traits in men. Being a confident is expressed in more than just bragging; it shows in your body language, in the way you move and in the way you stand. Ballroom dancing teaches you how to lead: a firm arm, back straight and moving with grace and purpose. Hesitant movements ruin a dance just as being hesitant with women – both in your behavior and body language – can ruin the interaction. You have to be willing to take charge and be the one to direct her… even if it’s just taking her over to the bar for another drink.
It also makes you far more familiar with your body and – critically – at ease with interacting with hers. Latin dances especially will require your being at ease with your partner and willing to move in seductive and sexy ways. If you are afraid of getting in close to your partner, wrapping your arm around her waist and swinging her around your hips, you will never manage to perform a salsa or merengue. Nor, for that matter, will you be able to make the move when it’s time with your crush.
In addition, being able to do more than the White Guy Shuffle (arms at ninety degrees, stepping side to side) or the 8th Grade Slow Dance Sway will serve you well in and of themselves. Most major cities will have swing nights, which make for excellent dates that go beyond the stale “Dinner and a movie” that most women are subjected to. Not to mention the value at weddings. Ignore the elaborate lies that Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson make up for themselves in Wedding Crashers; the secret to winning over the bridesmaids is being the fun guy at the reception. Being able to actually dance, especially more active dances like merengue or swing, will make you the most popular man at the party.
Cooking
Let me preface this with an old joke: A man comes up to the check-out at his grocery store with a basket full of ramen, instant soup and an array of frozen dinners. The clerk – a cute twenty something – looks up at him and smiles. “I bet you’re single,” she says. “I am,” he replies, “how did you know?”
“‘cuz you’re ugly,” she replies.
Wait, that was the wrong joke.
Still, the point remains that one of the most common stereotypes about young single men is that they can’t cook to save their lives, subsisting off of a steady diet of take-out, frozen waffles, cereal and pizza delivery. And really, with all of the options avialable to you, why should cooking be such a high priority skill to learn?
Wait… Really?
To start with, let’s look at the basics: cooking at home is cheaper and healthier for you than eating out or subsisting on prepackaged food and delivery. The portions are more reasonable, the food more nutritious and the component prices are frequently cheaper in total than the same meal prepared at a restaurant. It’s not as quick and convenient as prepared food, but the monetary and health benefits outweigh any convenience factor.
But more than just watching your wallet and your waistline, being able to cook for yourself is a mark of maturity. It’s a signal to women that you’re not a hyper-developed man-child, waiting for some woman to come and take care of him. You’re a grown-ass man who can take care of himself and – more importantly – provide for others when the need arises.
Every man should not only be able to handle the basics of cooking; he should also have at least one “signature” dish – one that looks impressive and tastes delicious and at least implies a great deal of skill and effort… even if it’s not necessarily required. A homemade pizza is an excellent example. Most people assume pizza is complicated to make and associate it either with delivery or with pre-made ingredients. Being able to make a pizza from scratch seems far more impressive than it really is. It also makes for an excellent date. I would always recommend inviting a girl over for a “romantic pizza”((The joke being, of course, that anything’s romantic with candlelight and wine)) … her job is to bring at least one ingredient, and it had better be a good one, because you’re totally going to judge her on what she brings.
While I didn’t include it on the list, grocery stores can also be excellent places to meet women. Food and cooking provides an instant topic of conversation; knowing how to prepare an unusual vegetable or an uncommon recipe is a subtle way to brag about yourself without actually bragging.
Cooking in and of itself is also a sensual pleasure. The aromas, textures and tastes of a home-cooked meal arouse and intrigue the senses; this is one of the reasons why my favorite second or third dates are almost always to invite my date over for dinner. I may be doing most of the work, but having her sit in the kitchen with me as I cook, occasionally giving a small taste of the meal is it progresses… it can be incredibly seductive when done well.
Music
Oh sure, another one that should be obvious on it’s face, right? After all, music and romance go together hand in hand, don’t they? Girls love musicians, so obviously that’s the whole point of even including this on the list, right?
Wait… really?
There’s more to music as a skill than strumming intently on a guitar while a girl watches you adoringly. After all, everyone who’s been to college has seen the one guy on the quad or in the lounge with his guitar, trying to give the impression that he’s, y’know, soooo deep. Or for that matter, the seven or eight guys smelling vaguely of patchouli, dirt and cheap weed slapping on the bongos in yet another drum circle.
More than using music as a tool to pick up girls, music is an outlet, it’s a passion. Even if you’re not terribly good at it, having some degree of musical skill helps you appreciate the craft that goes into music and helps give you a deeper understanding of just what your favorite musicians are capable of. Many music fans were dismissive of Ringo Starr as a drummer… until they actually tried to follow his rhythm, even when abstracted into Rock Band: Beatles. Being able to discuss a familiar topic – music – from an insider’s perspective, can be incredibly interesting… provided you’re not a condescending snob or obnoxious know-it-all lecturer.
But playing an instrument does more than just let you nurse dreams of rockstardom: it helps you with your body. You access parts of your brain you don’t normally stimulate, aiding in memory, emotional recall and verbal skill. It provides you with a greater sense of rhythm and tempo, which you can incorporate into your actions and body language. It provides you with a creative outlet for those times when you need to just lose yourself in something bigger than you. It helps you appreciate the art of performance, which in turn helps you understand how you present yourself to others.
Don’t just restrict yourself to musical instruments, however. Studying voice will help you learn how to project and speak with clarity and authority… as well as helping you kick ass at karaoke. Learn to appreciate music, especially genres you’ve never tried before. Being willing to explore your creative side will make you more interesting and – in turn – more attractive.
And also, yes, chicks totally dig musicians.
Cold Reading
Cold reading is the art of convincing others that you know more about them than you actually do. It’s a skill frequently practiced by fake psychics, mediums and fortune tellers in order to present the illusion that they have supernatural powers. So clearly the key to seducing women is to convince them you’re able to read their minds… right?
Wait… Really?
Well… not really. While being able to tell fortunes or pretend to communicate with the dead makes for excellent party games, being the guy rolling up into a bar with a deck of tarot cards or a bag of runes is just going to get you labeled as a weirdo. Cold reading, in the context of getting better with women, is the idea of using truisms that are more or less universal but make you seem observant and experienced. The idea is that you’re demonstrating that you not only understand women – an incredibly attractive trait, as it implies you have had positive experiences with women – but that you understand the person you’re talking to in an incredibly deep and meaningful way.
Cold reads tend to come in two varieties: the shallow cold read and the deeper read. Shallow cold reads are short teases designed to elicit a positive response as well as to set the frame for the interaction. “Wow, you were totally the trouble maker in high-school” or “You’re totally the mom of the group, aren’t you? OK, you need to stay away from me, I have a weakness for girls who can take care of me.” These are always short and playful; you demonstrate that you have insight into their character while at the same time establishing the frame that they are the characteristic you just “discovered”; her agreement is a tacit acceptance of the frame which then leads her to behave in the manner you just suggested.
Deeper cold reads are longer and more involved; they’re a bit longer and more personal while still being relatively universal. You might mention that you have an intuition about them: that they’re lonely despite being beautiful – they keep meeting the same low-quality guys and have to say no more often than they say yes. Or perhaps that their life is actually a lot more difficult than others would think and they rarely get credit for it or have to put up a front to pretend that they don’t work as hard as they do. Or, if they’re young and working a serious job, they’re a hard worker but their effort isn’t appreciated because of their age. Or you can base an aspect of their personality or behavior – or one that you’d like them to demonstrate – and base it off of how it’s related to their job. Again: it sets the frame that they act in the way that you prefer as well as showing that you understand women and you’re insightful enough to instinctively perceive this aspect of themselves that people rarely see.
One I would always find useful would be to say “Hey, I’m gonna just toss this out here and it’s completely random so feel free to tell me to fuck off but… were you a little geeky and awkward when you were younger?” The girl will inevitibly ask “Why?” And my response is always “Well, you have the personality of a geeky girl. Not in that ‘You’re a weirdo get away from me’ way but in the way that you’re a little cooler and friendlier than most of the people here. You’re obviously attractive, but girls as good looking as you don’t usually have a personality like yours. I just wanted to know where that came from.”
Yes, this one can be a little on the manipulative side. It can seem a little cold and calculating. However, when it’s handled properly it can be both fun and a useful tool to have.
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