Dear Dr. Nerd Love,
I know your slogan says, “helping nerds get the girls” but I’m bi and this particular question pertains to a guy.
My issue is that last year I dumped him; after he moved in with his mother I basically felt extremely emotionally separated from him. We had been semi-long distance ever since we met, as we met over an online program called “Second Life” and we are both gamers, huge nerds and both huge Spillios [Fans of Spill.com – ED]. The issue is.. after the break up, we started talking again a few months later, and I’ve noticed that I’m still madly in love with him, to the point that I actually sabotage myself from getting anything else going with anyone. I’ve asked him back multiple times and all I’ve gotten is “maybe” and “we’ll see” It’s driving me insane because even he admits he still has feelings for me; he even calls me when he needs someone to talk to, when he needs someone who understands him and backs him up. I do all of that.. and he even breaks down at times, apologizing for being such an “asshole” – referring to him not taking me back. Which brings me to my question..
Knowing all of this, how can I convince him to stop being such a pussy and just trust me again? Ya know.. take me back? I know his heart on a major level wants it and he sucks at hiding it but his pride is cock blocking (so to speak).
This is really a problem because until I close that chapter one way or another, I can’t move on, and trust me I’ve tried. It’s only going to be worse because he’s moving in with me, so he can further his career as an animator in Dallas.
I’m afraid im gonna lose it or just end up treating him like shit cause i want to protect myself.
Any advice on this?
For the life of me I will never understand people who insist on living with their exes, especially if there are any lingering unresolved issues. If custody of children and/or pets aren’t an issue, it strikes me as being a really good way at making sure that you’re in for a nightmare roommate scenario on many, many levels.
But hey, before we worry about that, let’s focus on the meat of your question.
You want him back. He wants you back… and you’re not back together yet. Either there’s something you’re leaving out here or there’ve been some seriously crossed lines of communication. You say it’s his pride holding him back. I think to a certain extent that it’s also yours. Calling him a pussy for not trusting you after you dumped him isn’t going to help your case.
You say you’ve asked him back many times. OK, fine… except you don’t say whether you apologized for breaking up with him in the first place. You want him back? Well first, you’re going to need to apologize. Sincerely. Tell him why you broke up with him and admit that you were wrong. And then? You’re probably going to need to do some quality groveling.
Your pride may be getting in the way as much as if not more than his. But then, to quote a wise sage:
The night of the fight, you may feel a slight sting. That’s pride fucking with you. Fuck pride. Pride only hurts, it never helps.
I will tell you now: regardless of whether you get back together or you end things for good, his moving in with you is a bad idea. He will have just moved to a new city and started a new job. There will be all sorts of stresses and pressures on him and you will be his only social connection for some time. This is not a recipe for a happy relationship. Regardless of whether you get back together or not, he should find a place of his own. Preferably before he gets to town.