I’m a big fan of your website. I found it after doing some googling to help make a decision and help my mental state of being with my relationship of over two and a half years. I’m a young, 24 year old guy who is struggling with the decision to break up with my girlfriend or not. I’ve made a pro con list, I’ve talked to friends and family, and I still can’t come up with a conclusion. A little back story on me, my relationship, and her:
We’ve been dating for two and a half years and met through some friends in college during the fall of our senior year. When I first met her, she was just getting over a devastating relationship with a boyfriend who had cheated on her, abused her (mentally physically and emotionally) and was an all around bad dude. The first few months are rocky and she pushed me away due to her natural fears of getting in a relationship, and used the space to hookup with other guys, have fun, and find herself. I did the same, but only after being extremely hurt by this decision from her. Fast forward to early spring, she comes around and realizes that I am a good guy. Apologizes for it all and blames her fears and past. I accept this and we decide to try out the relationship, regardless of our post-grad plans (she moved to Boston to go to law school, I stayed in CT).
After a few months, she expected me to move to Boston because she wanted to be there for school. I did not want to move there, but I looked for jobs regardless and she was not happy when I couldn’t find any. She asked me to commute to Boston while working my job in CT (a 1.5-2 hour commute each way) and finally asked me to just move there without a job, which I refused. This was the start of where things got rocky.
Ever since then, about a year ago, she has been picking fights with me about things she is insecure about, most likely stemming from her previous relationships. She has a lot of trouble moving on from past problems. She brings old things up a lot. I have comforted her and limited what I tolerate, as I don’t believe it’s healthy to allow insecurities to get worse. This is my first relationship, and I am a fairly confident man with a lot going for him and come from an old-school family of values and traditions. I’ve never brought a girl home before her, because I am pretty picky and do not commit to relationships unless I am serious.
That being said, I’m tired of everything going on. She has asked me to choose her over my morals and beliefs, saying she should be worth the sacrifice. My friends and brothers have gotten upset at hearing the things she says to me and for being with her because she picks fights all the time. Not to mention, she takes up a lot of my time. I have visited her every weekend I can and put tons of miles on my car, missed family events and things I want to go to so I can be with her. She tells me every day she loves me and appreciates me and the things I do for her. She constantly reassures me we’re a team. She writes me notes, calls me several times a day, texts all day and night. She would never cheat on me or abuse me. She treats my family so well, constantly bakes for them and checks up on them. But I’m exhausted from the constant fights over and over about BS. I don’t hang with other women at all, I don’t go out to bars, I don’t look at other women online, etc. I find myself skipping out on things I would normally do with friends or family so I can be with her on the weekend.
My conscience is clear. We have said about a dozen times that we’re going to change and communicate better, not yell, etc. And we end up continuing to argue about the same old things she is upset about. I’ve made some changes but they aren’t helping. Sometimes, she can even talk to me like shes my mom and try to tell me what to do. I don’t know if its her natural instinct as the men in her life are a little empty-headed (to put it politely). I care about her, but I am so hurt and exhausted to the point that I am falling out of love with someone I have devoted so much to. Do I go on? Or throw in the towel? The decision is ultimately my own, but I do not want to let this drag out any longer and would like to act urgently.
Eyeing The Door