The Basics Archives - Page 2 of 13

Paging Dr. NerdLove Episode #40 – How To Write A Perfect Online Dating Message

August 10, 2017 by Dr. NerdLove 23 Comments

Maybe this has happened to you: you get a match on Tinder or find someone on OKCupid who seems to be absolutely perfect for you. You message them… and get absolutely nothing in return. Or you might have a conversation that peters out within two to three exchanges or you’re left with shorter and shorter replies that take longer and longer to arrive.

This has been the experience of a lot of men when it comes to online dating. And it can be incredibly frustrating to feel like you’re putting in all that effort for absolutely no return and have no idea why.

More often than not, it’s because you’re slipping up in one critical area – your first message doesn’t tweak their interest. Your first message to somebody on a dating site is going to be what makes someone decide whether they want to take a chance on talking to you, so you need to know how to make it count.

Show Highlights:

Why a perfect online dating profile isn’t enough
Understanding the dynamics of online dating
Why women quit responding
What makes a perfect first message
The mistake most guys make that cost them dates

…and so much more.

Related Links:

5 Common Texting Mistakes

How To Get Laid (Without Being A Fuckboy)

5 Critical Online Dating Questions Answered

How To Suck at Online Dating

When It Clicks: The Guide To Mastering Online Dating

Don’t forget to subscribe and review us on iTunes and on Stitcher.

Like the podcast? Consider becoming a Dr. NerdLove patron at Patreon.com/DrNerdLove

Want more dating advice? Check out my books at www.www.doctornerdlove.com/books

How To Talk To Attractive Women

February 27, 2017 by Dr. NerdLove 334 Comments

One of the hardest things for many men to do is to simply talk to attractive women. It’s hard enough simply making that first approach, but once you get there, what the hell do you say? Worse, you have your opener planned out but for some reason, there’s a disconnect between your brain and your mouth. You know that you have the eloquence of a modern day Baudelaire, but when you open your mouth, all that comes out is gibberish. How are you supposed to talk to this woman when it seems like English has become your second or third language?

On the plus side, maybe she’ll think that “Baw-Di-Baw” is a way of sharing your mutual love of Kid Rock?

Trying to talk to attractive women is – not surprisingly – pretty intimidating. The stakes feel so much higher than just shooting the shit with your friends and you feel like you need to bring your A-game. Worse, your brain short-circuits. The old joke that guys have enough blood to run the penis or the brain but not both may be hacky… but it’s not entirely wrong. Studies suggest that talking to attractive women really does make you stupid – at least temporarily.

So how do you learn to overcome being a blithering idiot and start talking to attractive women like it was no big deal?

[Read more…]

Level Up: Getting Fit (for The First Time)

February 20, 2017 by Dr. NerdLove 128 Comments

Whenever guys talk about being more attractive, they talk a lot about getting fit as though it were the keys to the kingdom. Get fit, get those six-pack abs, those striated muscles that look like shredded wheat and women will beat a path to your pants. And to be sure: one of the key parts of becoming someone worth dating is taking care of yourself. Taking care of your physical fitness is an incredibly important part of that self-care.

Too bad El Arroyo started to suck after they changed owners. Now Chuy's is better. THAT'S RIGHT. I FUCKING SAID IT. — Then again, there’s my favorite form of fitness…

But more often than not, guys go about it the wrong way. They sign up for gym memberships at the start of the new year, go for three weeks and then never show up again. They hit their new diet – low carb, paleo, what-have-you – with the passion of the newly converted and then bow out when that first extinction burst hits. If you want to get fit, you have to do it the right way.

Now, I want to be clear: I’m not going to talk about specific exercise routines or diets you should follow. The key to getting fit isn’t about the magic workout that’ll give you abs with minimal effort or a diet that will melt the pounds away in days instead of months. I want to talk about how to go about getting fit in ways that not only you can stick to, but that will actually get you the results you want.

So if you’re ready to start a real physical transformation, read on.

[Read more…]

Paging Dr. NerdLove Minisode #11 – Overcoming Approach Anxiety

January 5, 2017 by Dr. NerdLove 15 Comments

Approach anxiety is like having the world’s worst super power. It’s taking something relatively simple – the idea of going up to somebody and introducing yourself – and imagining all the ways that it could possibly go wrong, all at once. So what starts as a “hi, my name is -“ ends with you getting maced and being dragged off to prison for being The Worst.

It doesn’t matter if you’re approaching someone after class or at a bar, approach anxiety hits us wherever we go. And to make it worse, most of us don’t know how to handle it correctly. Here’s how to face down your fears and learn to overcome approach anxiety the right way.

Show Highlights:

Why most attempts to beat approach anxiety only make it worse
The importance of naming your fears
The mental flaw that makes us more prone to approach anxiety
How to defang your worst fears

…and so much more.

Related Articles:

Facing Your Dating Fears

Stop Being Socially Awkward Pt. 1

Stop Being Socially Awkward Pt. 2

Take The Hit: Getting Over Your Fear of Rejection

Don’t forget to subscribe and review us on iTunes and on Stitcher.

Want more dating advice? Check out my books at www.www.doctornerdlove.com/books

Learn To Be More Confident

December 26, 2016 by Dr. NerdLove 4 Comments

Confidence is one of the most valuable traits a person can have. Confident people are literally more attractive. As scientists have found, something as simple as a placebo in cologne is enough to make people feel more self-assured.

...I feel dirty just saying that. — Unfortunately, this means that those Axe commercials kinda have a point.

In and of itself, this is good news. The mere act of believing in your own value drastically alters your own behavior, from your body language to your attitude, making you more appealing to others with only slight changes.

The problem is that it’s incredibly hard to be confident when you don’t feel it already. The disconnect between the goal – being confident – and where you are now – decidedly not confident – is immense. It’s easy to say “just be confident” or “women love confident men” or something equally banal. It’s like suggesting that flying is easy; all you have to do is throw yourself at the ground and miss.

But the people who are the most confident aren’t the ones who started that way. They developed their confidence over time. Here’s how you can get the same results they have.

[Read more…]