Hello Dr. Nerdlove
I am currently in a friends with benefits situation with a girl I met on Tinder. I have been single for about 5 years now and this is my second try at the friends with benefits situation. I have to say, so far, I don’t think I’m wired to be in this kind of relationship.
I always saw myself as a monogamist so sleeping around was not never really my thing. The first time, the girl had just gotten out of a long relationship and wanted to be her own person for a while. I thought to myself, I’ve been single for too long this is perfect to figure out what I want ! I ended it after a week because she didn’t want to cuddle or kiss. And she had already met another guy in that week anyway so that didn’t fly with me. That was last year. Now I signed up on Tinder and met my current friend in my second week. I keep my Tinder active but I don’t go on it anymore because I don’t like to sleep around with a bunch of women. I like security and simplicity. But this girl, we hit it off right away. Same kind of humor, same hobbies etc… On the second date with her, she told me that she had a lot of bad experiences with her exes and that she was just dating and taking things slow. That put me off a bit but we get along so much I didn’t want not to see her again. A few days later she invited me to dinner at her place and I made a move. I’ll skip the details but needless to say we are very much in sync.
She told me again that she wasn’t looking for a relationship, I told her that even though I am, I still want to see her again because we really do have a wonderful time when we are together. We text every day, pretty much every morning and night, she loves it when I kiss, cuddle with and hug her. We watch tv like I love to do when I am in a relationship.
We have known each other for about a month now and here’s the big problem, even though I get a big part of what I want, she still says things like: ” I’m gonna regret when you meet someone and I have to let you go. I just can’t be in a relationship right now.” and other variants of this. I tell her that I don’t want to meet other people and that this is enough for me right now, and it is. She also tells me that she is done with dating sites because there are too many weirdos (no shit Sherlock) and that I am pretty much the only guy she is seeing. But I get very anxious because I don’t want her to meet someone else. I guess my problem is that I am split between an amazing girl with whom I get along amazingly that gives me almost everything I want, including amazing sex but with the thought in the back of my head that its only gonna explode in a horrible way sooner or later OR peace of mind and trying to find a better partner who actually is ready for a relationship…
Is there a way to change her mind ? Is there a hidden message I’m not seeing ? What’s your take on the situation ? Please help me figure this out… And thank you for your time.