Fashion & Style Archives

Men, This Is Why You THINK You’re Ugly

August 4, 2021 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

So, I’m gonna do something a little different today.

There’re some letters I get over and over again. Not from the same person, but variations on an incredibly common theme. There are some letters and topics that come up so often with the same insecurities, often using identical language, that it seems pretty obvious they’re coming from the same place, literally and metaphorically. And just between you, me and everyone reading this… it gets a bit frustrating. I mean, it’s not like I haven’t covered these topics in exhausting detail. And likewise, it’s not as though I haven’t covered how to handle these issues.

Angry frustrated annoyed young adult man consumer feel rage looking at computer notebook screen — I mean, do folks not realize I have a search bar and extensive archive?

So needless to say, I get a bit of a headache when I get the latest version of “why do women only like X guys” like this one:

Doc , I feel really depressed and I want to share with you my story. Growing up i knew i was not the most handsome man in the room , women always ignore me because i was , well , not an eye candy.i bet that you get this question asked fair often but , if you are average can you be attractive to women? it seems that in order to be attractive to women you need to be a really really good looking dude (and tall , and muscular..) never in my life any women give a damn about me (and being honest , i never talk to them) but why in the name of god a woman (who has all the options of the world and 0% reject rate and access to modern day dating apps such as Tinder or Bumble) will choose me?

i read your article about pre -rejection but i think you are underestimating the amount of power women have when it comes to dating , any woman no matter how “ugly” she is can have the most handsome man in the room for a casual fling or relationship , women don’t face any hardship in the dating world. in fact , being a man is actually a curse , you have to do all the hard work in all the stages all your life. my main problem Doc is that i find very difficult to feel empathy to women since they have all the advantage. i don’t want to feel that way but is the way i feel.

(All grammar and spelling are from the original.)

But rather than go into how to solve these problems — seriously, I’ve got ten years worth of archives, podcasts, YouTube videos and several books, folks — we’re gonna get to the root of it all. Because, quite frankly, no amount of self-improvement is going to work until you focus on why, not the how. And that means talking about how folks get here, first.

So come up to the lab and see what’s on the slab; it’s time for a little exploratory emotional surgery. Here’s why so many men feel unattractive.

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Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Do I Change My Feelings?

July 22, 2016 by Dr. NerdLove 49 Comments

Hey Dr. NerdLove,

I’m writing to you anyways because I really need your help. I’m actually pretty ashamed of my problems too. I despise the way I think and feel, yet no matter how hard I try to repress them, they just keep resurfacing. I feel like I have to repress them because if I try to express my thoughts and feelings to another person, I’ll most likely be vilified. Hell, even I would shun me. But you seem like a very intelligent individual with an open mind, so maybe you can help.

So just a little information about me to offer some insight. I’m eighteen and male. I reside in Canada. I also have dyslexia, ADHD and depression. I grew up in a small town which I, sadly, still live in. Drug use runs rampant throughout the town (I, myself, don’t do drugs anymore). There’s a colossal amount of racism as well (I’m also not racist). And everyone seems to hate each other.

This led to me slowly isolating myself and growing cynical over the years. I’ve never really had a close relationship with anybody. The only role models I’ve ever had was fictional characters like Dr. House or Temperance “Bones” Brennan. My parents, bluntly speaking, emotionally neglected me. The other kids essentially bullied me.

This finally brings me to the whole reason I’ve decided to write this. The worst of the maltreatment was at the hands of women. Both by my mother and female peers. My mother cheated on my father and manipulated us my entire life. My peers called me names. Like ugly, dumb or weird, to name a few.

I used to support feminism. But now I’m on the fence about it and women in general. I’ve only ever been hurt in relationships with women. So I’ve now become especially cynical towards them. I really wish I didn’t think this way, and I feel stupid for it, but I do. I don’t want to overgeneralize but when I look around me all I can see are affirmations. I also read stories online which makes me believe that women will always treat me disdainfully.

I hate to pester you with my problems but you’re honestly the only person I can think of that can help me at this point. How do I stop thinking and feeling like this? I despise it more than anything. :/

Sincerely yours,

Conflicted Dyslexic

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5 Ways To Look Better – Without Going Broke

June 13, 2016 by Dr. NerdLove 192 Comments

We all want to look better. The problem is just how to go about doing so. After all, unless you’re willing to undergo expensive, painful surgery, you’re going to have to work with the facial features you’re born with.

Also, a willingness to spend the next six months looking like you're Claude Raines. — Also, a willingness to spend the next six months looking like you’re Claude Raines.

However, there’s is a very quick and easy way to change how you look – change how you dress. Dressing well and developing your personal style lets you take advantage of what’s known as the Halo Effect. The effort you put into your self-presentation actually affects how people see you and makes you look better.

The problem, of course, is that this also costs money. But that’s where I come in. If you know what you’re doing, it’s possible to completely change your look without busting your budget in the process.

Here’s how.

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Discover Your Style

March 7, 2016 by Dr. NerdLove 196 Comments

Clothes are an important part of one’s identity. They serve as an outward expression of your innermost self. Want to tell people who you are? Dress appropriately.

This, for example, tells people about you're a member of Sergeant Pepper's Nuclear Wasteland Band — This, for example, tells people about you’re a member of Sergeant Pepper’s Nuclear Wasteland Band

But if you want to stand out in a way that gets you attention that you want? Then you want to develop your sense of style.

The difference between fashion and style is that fashion changes. It follows trends and everyone else follows two or three steps behind it, trying to come up with their own version. This is how you end up with silkscreened t-shirts with rivets and overly-embroidered jeans and embarrassing photos you’ll never be able to fully erase from social media.

Remember: Today's cool becomes tomorrow's douchebag sign. (credit: s_bukley / Shutterstock.com) — Remember: today’s cool frequently becomes tomorrow’s sign of douchebaggery .
(credit: s_bukley / Shutterstock.com)

Style, on the other hand, is personal. Sometimes it aligns with trends, other times it stands athwart them but it’s always uniquely yours. But if you know only clothes as “that which keeps my pasty meatsack covered in social situations,” style can feel as eldritch and unknowable as the Elder Gods. So how do you develop your own sense of style?

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The Man’s Guide On How To Smell Better

July 27, 2015 by Dr. NerdLove 288 Comments

One of the most important things that you can do when you’re trying to improve your dating success is also one of the most simple: you want to smell better. Scent is one of the most under-appreciated aspects of attraction. Our sense of smell is incredibly powerful and affects us in ways that we’re often unaware of. Not only is it the sense most intimately connected to memory and recall, but many scientists theorize that scent actually can be a signal for genetic compatibility. More importantly however, scent also affects how people perceive us on an unconscious level. In a study conducted by Oxford University, women were asked to rate the attractiveness of men in various photos. Unbeknownst to the participants, each photo had been subtly scented with different fragrances – some pleasant and sweet-smelling, others more pungent. The results were conclusive; every unpleasant-smelling photo – smelling faintly of burning rubber or basic BO – was rated as being far less attractive.

Because nothing screams "sexy times" like cabbage and rotten cheese... — Because nothing screams “sexy times” like cabbage and rotten cheese…

The photos that had more appealing scents – geraniums and men’s cologne – were consistently rated as being much more attractive.

Managing to smell better is an incredibly simple and surprisingly powerful tool in making yourself more attractive. But – as with most tools – you have to know how to use it properly.

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