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What I’ve Learned About Having ADHD As An Adult

June 15, 2022 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

One of the weird things that comes up when you write about topics like sex, self-improvement or relationships is how often you face the question of whether or not to mine your own life for content. On the one hand, it’s one of the oldest and hoariest cliches for columnists and essayists to use their own lived experiences as fodder for material. It can feel… well, kinda hacky in some ways. It can feel as though you’re trying to sell the idea that you live this crazy, adventurous or glamorous life, rather than your actual writing. And when you’re writing about things like self-improvement or getting better at dating, it can feel as though you’re more upselling folks with columns that come across as “look how awesome I am, don’t you wish you were me, well if you subscribe to my Patreon…” rather than offering real advice.

photo of a white man in an olive overshirt and white tee isolated on blue background, pointing at himself with both hands and looking surprised
Whaaaaaaat? Nah, could never be me….

On the other hand, however… well, a lot of times, your lived experiences provide genuine context for what you’ve learned. In fact, talking openly about your personal experiences with the particular topic can make it easier for folks to talk about their experiences or to understand that their experiences are real, valid and normal. So there’s an unusual amount of tension whenever one wishes to pull back the curtain a bit and get personal.

Now, I bring this up because I’m coming up on the two year anniversary of my having gotten tested and diagnosed as having ADHD and – much like when I published my video on being diagnosed with ADHD as an adult – I want to normalize talking about struggles with mental health as well as some of the difficulties, adjustments, frustrations and downright weird shit that comes up when you’re dealing with and learning to live with it. Because, as it turns out, getting diagnosed and treated is the start, not the end.

So, as a follow-up to my last piece, let’s talk a little about what I’ve experienced and learned  about having ADHD, two years in.

[Read more…]

How To Stay Positive (Even When Everything Is Awful)

March 23, 2022 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

One of the keys to any sort of self-improvement, emotional resilience, even just making progress in your own development is also one of the least appreciated: knowing how to perservere, even when the world seems to be falling apart. In fairness, trying to stay positive and how to keep your head up, even when it feels pointless and hopeless, can feel like being told “just keep going, just keep grinding” or toxic positivity. And honestly, it’s hard to feel like there’s hope in the world right now.  Just look at… well, everything.

Figure in ragged hoodie, gas-mask and hazmat gear wanders in an orange-colored post-apocalyptic wasteland
🎶 I don’t want to set the world on fiiiiiiiire… I just want to start a flame in your heart… 🎶

Every day, we read more about assaults on people’s right to choose, politicians using trans kids and LGBTQ people as punching bags to stir up their base and survive primary challenges, we’re entering the third year of a global pandemic and Russia’s invasion of Ukraine has heralded the return of the looming threat of global thermonuclear war. Oh also the Nazis are back.

animated gif from Rise of Skywalker. Oscar Isaac as Poe Dameron speaking to a crowd. Text reads: "Somehow, Palpatine returned"
OH COME ON…

Of course, the world doesn’t have to be on the brink of WWIII to feel as though there’s no hope. You can have enough heartbreak, struggle and setbacks in your own life to feel as though all hope is lost, regardless of the rest of the world. But whether you’re living through a global crisis, local upheaval or even your own personal long dark teatime of the soul, it’s easy to surrender to despair. It can feel like there’s no point to anything.

But it doesn’t have to. Sometimes the bravest and strongest thing you can do is simply refuse to give up hope. Here’s how to keep hope alive… even when your world is falling apart.

[Read more…]

This is How You Solve Your Dating Problems

February 16, 2022 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

It doesn’t matter who you are, what you do, or what you look like; at some point your love life is going to go pear-shaped – quite possibly messily and all over the place. Sometimes it may only be for a few days or weeks. Other times, you end up in a dry spell that could last for months or even years.

Man in office clothes crawling on hands and knees in the sunny desert.
“How… how long has it been? Time passes so strangely here in the desert of the dateless.”
“It’s been two days, Bob.
“An eternity… an eternity…”

The frustration is understandable, even palpable. Many times, you don’t even know why you’re suddenly having all of these problems. It’s bad enough to be having a dry spell or to be struggling to date when you can’t even figure out what you’re doing wrong. Everyone’s had that frustrating moment of asking their friends what they should do, only to be met with a shrug. Worse, the only advice they may have for you feels less than useless or seemingly impossible to follow.

It’s understandable that many would give up; after all, how do you fix things when you don’t know where to start? What’s the dating equivalent of debugging your love life and can it be as simple as just turning it off and back on again?

Here’s how you can find your sticking points, fix your flaws and get your love life back on track.

[Read more…]

How To Build Emotional Strength

October 14, 2020 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Right now everything feels like chaos. We’re living through the worst pandemic the world has seen in more than 100 years. We are less than three weeks out from an election that feels like our choice is whether to pull America back from the brink of fascism or not. Our lives have been thrown into pandemonium like we’ve never known, even as people seem to insist that we’re fools for being concerned about a virulent disease. Violent extremists are attacking innocent protestors and activists and the people in charge are hosting giant gatherings all but guaranteed to spread the virus.

And yet life stubbornly insists on continuing like normal.

This is legitimately how it feels some days…

It’s enough to make you feel like you’re going mad.  Like you want to give up and just scream.

But even under the best of circumstances — when the world doesn’t feel like it’s teetering on the verge of collapse — there are times when life feels like it’s too much. There are days when you feel like you’re hanging on by your fingernails and you just want to let go. There are days when you simply don’t feel like you have the strength to keep going. Whether it’s chasing your long-term goals and dreams, finding the desire to keep moving forward, or even summoning up the courage to make the hard decisions, you will face moments that will push you to your very limits.

Those are the times when you need to have the resources to keep going. You need to build your emotional strength. You need to have the will and the strength to not just persevere but to thrive.

Here’s how.

[Read more…]

Episode #152 — This Is What Nobody Tells You About Having ADHD

October 7, 2020 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Growing up, I knew I was struggling with things that other people seemed to be able to do without a second thought. I thought I was just lazy, that I needed to be more disciplined and to take things more seriously. But it never worked, and I never understood why.

Now, after a lifetime of searching, I finally have the answers.

This week, I want to talk with you about my experiences with having been diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, how it can affect you and your relationships, and my experiences with getting diagnosed and getting treated.

Here’s what happened.

SHOW HIGHLIGHTS:

  • What people get wrong about ADHD
  • Why so many people don’t get diagnosed or treated when they need it
  • How having ADHD can affect your confidence and your relationships
  • Why people with ADHD have anxiety and depression
  • How getting treatment has changed my life

…and so much more.

RELATED LINKS: 

Overcome Your Fear of Rejection – https://www.doctornerdlove.com/overcome-your-fear-of-rejection/

Top 5 Dating Mistakes — https://www.doctornerdlove.com/top-5-dating-mistakes/

This is What Happened After I Tried Meditation for 30 Days — https://www.doctornerdlove.com/this-is-what-happened-after-30-days-of-meditation/

You Must Unlearn What You Have Learned — https://www.doctornerdlove.com/how-to-unlearn-what-you-have-learned/

When It’s Time To Ask For Help — https://www.doctornerdlove.com/when-its-time-to-ask-for-help/

ADHD In Adults — https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-in-adults/

Listen Here
Download Here


Don’t forget to subscribe and review us on iTunes , Stitcher, Spotify and on YouTube.

Like the podcast? Become a Dr. NerdLove patron at Patreon.com/DrNerdLove

Want more dating advice? Check out my books at www.www.doctornerdlove.com/books

[Read more…]

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About Dr. NerdLove:

Harris O'Malley (AKA Dr. NerdLove) is an internationally recognized blogger and dating coach who gives dating advice to geeks of all stripes. Making nerds sexier since 20011

Remember: Dr. NerdLove is not really a doctor. [Read More …]

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Recent Comments

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