Masculinity Archives - Paging Dr. NerdLove

Episode #80: How To Make Friends As an Adult

June 14, 2018 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Men on the whole, and white, heterosexual men in particular, tend to have fewer friends than women and the friendships they do have tend to be shallower and less fulfilling. It’s really not uncommon for guys to look up and realize just how few friends they have outside of family members and romantic relationships. And by then… it feels like it’s too late. After all, it’s easy to make friends when you’re in college. But how do you go about making friends when you’re a grown man?

Show Highlights:

How men train themselves out of having close friends
Why male friendships tend to be shallower than female friendships
Why it’s harder to make friends after college
The Friendship Formula: what it takes to make close friends
How to turn acquaintances into lifelong friendships

…and so much more

Related Links:

Men And the Epidemic of Loneliness

Five Secrets To Make People Like You

How To Make New Friends

Building a Closer Friendship Between Men

Finding Strength Through Vulnerability

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Want more dating advice? Check out my books at www.www.doctornerdlove.com/books

Episode #67 – Understanding Toxic Masculinity

February 22, 2018 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

In the wake of the recent shootings in Parkland, Florida, actor and comedian Michael Ian Black commented that “Deeper than the gun problem is this: boys are broken.”

And it’s in no small part because that all men grow up steeped in a culture that teaches us to be men in ways that are frankly, toxic. We live in a society that actively harms young men and pushes them towards violence and isolation. It’s time to talk about the effects that toxic masculinity has on boys and men, and on society as a whole.

Show Highlights:

Why the Parkland shooting means that we need to talk about what it means to be a man
How society teaches boys to be violent and angry
How toxic masculinity is literally sold to us
Why non-traditional forms of masculinity can seem so threatening to others
How non-toxic masculinity can co-exist with traditional masculine ideals

…and so much more.

When Masculinity Fails Men

Reclaiming Manhood

Captain America and Non-Toxic Masculinity

Be Proud of Being A Man

Listen Here
Download Here

Don’t forget to subscribe and review us on iTunes , Stitcher and on YouTube.

Like the podcast? Consider becoming a Dr. NerdLove patron at Patreon.com/DrNerdLove

Want more dating advice? Check out my books at www.www.doctornerdlove.com/books

The Broken Masculinity of The Punisher

December 11, 2017 by Dr. NerdLove 31 Comments

Warning: Spoilers for parts of Daredevil season 2 and The Punisher

Like the incredible Jessica Jones, Marvel’s The Punisher examines and elevates a character and a genre defined by tropes and clichés. Despite being one in a long series of knock-offs of the Lone Vigilante genre – codified in its modern format by Death Wish and the Executioner novels – Netflix’s Marvel series takes a one-note anti-hero and becomes a surprisingly thoughtful examination of the damage that war and violence does to the people we expect to carry it out.

Which then makes us feel awkward about enjoying the incredible fight choreography…

Unlike in previous versions of the character, we aren’t watching the Ultimate Bad-Ass going on his Rip Roaring Rampage of Revenge as we sit back and enjoy the splatter. Instead, we get deep into the meat of a character who is, ultimately, defined by pain and loss. And it’s in that examination that we see something interesting. In a very real way, Frank Castle is the ultimate Alpha Male – he looks like he’s carved from marble, is unquestionably the dominant figure in any room, takes damage that would bring down a Terminator and kicks ass like he’s driving an army of mules. But the things that make him that alpha also signal one crucial fact: Frank Castle is a completely and utterly broken human being.

[Read more…]

What Does It Take To Be A Better Man?

October 9, 2017 by Dr. NerdLove 265 Comments

It has been a long, long couple of weeks. There’s been seemingly no end of revelations, discussions and open not-so-secrets about supposedly “good” men who’ve been turning out to be far less than they’ve claimed to be.

Each disclosure of bad behavior from people long thought to be allies seems to tip the next domino, leading to yet more revelations. In August, Joss Whedon’s ex-wife famously came forward to disclose that Whedon had been cheating on her and was, in her words, “a hypocrite preaching feminist ideals.” Not long after, it was discovered that Tim League had been quietly continuing to employ Devin Faraci after having fired him from Birth, Movies, Death. That discussion lead to the women coming forward about having been harassed or groped by Ain’t It Cool News‘ Harry Knowles.

Then, this week, Buzzfeed overturned the rocks hiding Milo Yiannopoulos and Breitbart News’ network… including several erstwhile feminist “allies” who communicated and collaborated with Yiannopoulos in secret. Meanwhile, the New York Times published it’s investigation into reports of sexual harassment and assault by movie mogul Harvey Weinstein, while similar accusations were leveled against ScreenJunkies creator Andy Signore.

Meanwhile, Brie Larsen shared her story of inappropriate behavior directed towards her by men… which then turned into a thread of having to explain why that behavior was so inappropriate.

Nope. He’s working. He’s at his job. Think of me as a customer at his job. It’s inappropriate.

— Brie Larson (@brielarson) October 6, 2017

This confluence of events has lead a great deal of discussion on Twitter, on blogs and news organizations about just how much women could trust supposedly “good” men. And, for many men – men who want to be good – it’s a time that feels that their desire to learn and improve is hampered by the fear of doing wrong and getting attacked for it. Many, many men have written to me confused and worried about the new “rules” of being a good man or to complain about having been singled out for breaking them. They feel bewildered at having been punished for breaking a code of behavior they didn’t recognize existed. They’re hurt at the idea that they’re being tarred by the same brush as these seeming few bad actors.

These events – and the reactions that so many men are having – is why it’s important to do some introspection and contemplation. So let’s talk a little about what’s been going on, and how to be a better man.

[Read more…]

Paging Dr. NerdLove Episode #43 – Be A Better Man

August 31, 2017 by Dr. NerdLove 2 Comments

One of the topics that I return to again and again is the topic of positive masculinity and what it means to be a good man.

Problem is… a lot of guys tend to define “being a good man” as simply not being one of the bad. And that doesn’t really work. Being a better man means being willing to step up when needed. And as we’ve seen all too often in cases of harassment or assault – whether it’s cat-calling, an aggressive stranger on the subway or a creeper at a convention – most people don’t do anything. Part of positive masculinity is about standing up for others, especially if they can’t… and doing so the right way.

To quote Preacher: you’ve got to be a good man, because there’s way too many of the bad.

Show Highlights: