One of the hardest parts of learning how to get better at dating is, ironically, learning how to get out of your own way.
Men, especially men without much social experience, have a tendency to sabotage their own progress. The single biggest culprit that stands in the way between guys and romantic success? Buying into myths about what women want — especially about what women find attractive in men. In fact, the most pernicious myths tend to be spread by other men… often with neither basis in reality nor a single woman backing it up.
To be fair: it’s easy to talk about these myths and why they’re not real. However, part of the reason why it’s so easy to buy into these self-limiting beliefs is because they play into men’s anxieties. When you worry that you’re “not good enough” or that you don’t measure up to what you think other guys have to offer, these beliefs act as confirmation of what you already believe. They’re hard to shake because of how well they line up with what you’re already afraid of. You may not want to think that you’re too short/nice/unattractive to date, but hearing someone else say “women only want X” is enough to trigger that part of your brain that wants to leap up and down and scream “I KNEW IT!”
(Especially if, for example, you’re already buying into ideas like “sexual market value”…)
But what can help is to have some concrete examples to look at — people who not only disprove these myths, but also provide a map towards what women actually do want. And since we’re all stuck at home during quarantine, it’s also the perfect time to watch some quality trash while you learn.
Enter Too Hot To Handle — a Netflix reality show about hornt-up hotties who’re duped into taking part in a show that isn’t about banging but learning how to love instead.
Now let’s be clear: this is a show with a lot of problems — something that I discuss in depth with my friend Dr. Liz in a series of Patron-exclusive videos. However, it is also a great example of how many myths there are surrounding attraction, why they’re wrong, and what actually matters instead.
(Obligatory spoiler warning: we’re going to discuss the entire series, including who gets together and who doesn’t)
Let’s get into it, shall we?