One of the things that a lot of people get wrong about sex and sexual attraction is that it’s not about arousal. After all, as anyone who’s gone through puberty can tell you, arousal can happen to anyone at almost any time.
Nor is it about attraction or hitting the right numbers on the checklist. Sex and sexual attraction are holistic processes; as sexologist Emily Nagoski has pointed out, sexual attraction involves the whole brain. It’s a complex interaction of gas and brakes, reasons to have sex and reasons not to. And for women, there’re many good reasons to say no to sex. After all, a woman may well be aroused to the point of absurdity, but that doesn’t mean that she’s going to leap on the first available partner. Especially not when vibrators and showerheads are still a thing.
This is why men who want more sex – whether they’re a serial monogamist or someone who wants more variety – need to understand why women say yes to sex.