Hello Dr. NerdLove.
I recently entered online dating. After much failure, I started looking on the internet for answers. That is how I came across some of your materials (YouTube videos, then website) regarding confidence, Oneitis, etc. However, other subject that I came across is regarding avoiding scammers, including your own article here: https://www.doctornerdlove.com/dont-get-catfished/. The problem here is depending on the content listed on the site, some of the signs could also be applied to me (ex. lack of social media presence). I then tried to practice those tips and watch for signs, but I think I could also be over doing it, or maybe even hypocritical due to the just mentioned.
So my situation was that I was talking to someone on a dating site (to get this far in itself was rare). We had only 1 day of good chat online, but the other days were short texts. I was not sure enough time has passed and we have not met in person yet. Eventually the person did not want to be contacted by other people on the app and also wanted to focus on her real life. She did seem to want to continue to talk with me, so she offered several alternative chats.
Prior to this point, I had already done a reverse image search and was able to get enough information from her to find a matching LinkedIn account. However, I also thought that those information provided to me could have been stolen, and heeding the warning sign that trying to move off the dating site on to other communication platforms is a red flag. The online tips recommended that we meet face to face first and that has not happened. I was hoping to do that, but it would come at least 1-2 weeks down the line due to distance and my schedule. I tried to say something that was at least trying to stall for time. But in the end, I made the mistake of suggesting to use a non-free feature of the dating site as my response. Obviously that means she spends money, but I didn’t say it in a way that she had to; it was just a small suggestion, one I was willing to accept refusal. She didn’t take that well. Despite the friendliness of earlier conversations, this seem to turn for the worst and she simply ended the conversation. I don’t think I have Oneitis on this one, if she was real and I blew it and made her mad, then I can’t help be feel more horrible inside.
A part of me wondered if what I said caused this; in hindsight, my response was not very well thought out – it was rushed and not considerate. I see it basically as not offering to pay for the dinner. I should have suggested Skype – for video chat, which your Catfish article said, but I rushed out a response given what was happening in the day (things were going wrong where I was living, lots of frustration); and things hit a wall from there. I would not have done a phone number exchange due to some sites suggesting not doing that until you’ve met in person. But, was I right in being THAT cautious to avoid scammers and follow the online tips I read? Was I overdoing it or applying it wrong?
Any advice from your expert/3rd-person perspective on what I may have done right or wrong is appreciated.
If you think you need more details in order to reach conclusion(s), then reply and let me know.
New2OnlineDating
