Hey Doc,

I’m almost a 40 years man and I’m in a relationship for about 20 years with a woman almost my age.

We’ve got our moments of pain and the last year we decided to break it because there were too many problems. She was depressed, not diagnosed but it was evident: she stopped taking care of herself, stopped working, we stopped having sex, we stopped doing things together. It went on for 4 years.

I tried to help without success, I tried to take her to a doctor but she didn’t want to so… I did not cheat or anything, but I was not happy and tried to search someone else, so I left her. We kept in touch.

In the meantime she changed, a lot, she found a job, lost some pounds, she was back to the living and I fell in love again. Now we’re back together and now I’m happy, but also worried.

We have a lot of common interests, we’re watching movies, playing games, nerding out all day long, cuddling and having sex often, but she seems interested only in my head and not the rest of me.

I have to say that I started taking care of myself too, building some muscles, taking a haircut once a month, but she’s not interested in all of that, and this bugs me. A lot.

I always point out how beautiful and intelligent she is (and she is, believe me), but she never compliment me on anything, and I need to know if she likes me. I mean: she says yes when I ask directly but then points out that it’s not fair that she have to comfort me on my confidence problems. I’m as confident as the next guy, but obviously never hearing some feedback makes me wonder if I have some issues with my appearance or anything else. She never say anything mean about me, physically at least.

I even asked her why she doesn’t do anything to seduce me, maybe some makeup, flirt a little, some lingerie, but she gets angry, accusing me of wanting to take her out of her comfort zone, and saying that it’s stupid to ask that an intelligent woman like herself to do such things. And this is bullshit I think, the issue must be something else.

To be honest it does not take a big toll on my confidence, and I don’t feel abused or stuff like that, but after 20 years would be nice to feel seduced and sexy for my significant other, it would give me some peace. The sex is great but that’s not everything I think. I don’t know, I feel like I need some reassurance that everything’s really ok.

I thought that maybe she’s just shy, or insecure, or maybe a consequence of her depression. But as I said going to a doctor is not something she’ll do, no matter how much I insist.

I’m just worried that our relationship will end again because she’s not really into me.

Need To Feel Wanted

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