I know you probably get this question of how to talk to people in a romantic since every other day so i’ll try to help you see it from my perspective. So, you’re out in about and you see a cute girl. The location and what she’s doing doesn’t really matter in this case, because this is what goes through my head:
“This is the most busy, most important moment of her life and if you go up to her and interrupt, one of the following things will happen: a) she’ll yell at you and be mad. b) she’ll laugh and make fun of you. c) she’ll gut you like a fish. or d) all three.”
Now I can already hear you and everyone I’ve ever known say that will never happen, and the worst thing she can do is say no. But that’s doesn’t help. I’ve gotten all the dating advice: just be confident, they’re just as nervous as you are (side note, telling a nervous person that the other person is nervous doesn’t help, it makes it worse), etc.
I’ve even tried your breathing and 3 second rule. Doesn’t help. The being confident thing would be easier if i had any success when it came to dating; I’ve approached friends who I developed feelings for and have been rejected every time.
There is one outlier. One time I did approach a girl, it was 10 years ago at a comic shop. My best friend and I were just joking around. One of my jokes made this girl laugh, so after about 30 minutes of my friend practically begging me to talk to her, we approached her. We did a little small talk and we exchanged numbers. She was only in town visiting a friend for a few day,s so we never saw each other again, but she did text me that it was nice meeting me.
(In hindsight, 2 guys approaching a random girl isn’t really a good look)
But I see that as the exception, not the rule. I think it’s pretty easy to guess that my self esteem isn’t the greatest, but to be honest, it’s way better now than it was back then. I see myself so much better now I many ways, but I still can’t bring myself to approach women. Is there anything else I can try to get past this?
I flat out refuse to go out with anyone who is really attractive because in my own personal experience, they are shallow, manipulative, entitled, and morally bankrupt.
That being said, even if I can’t trust them enough to give them the time of day, I till am attracted to them because I just am. Ideally I could find myself someone who is not attractive but at the same time is not ugly, just somewhere in between. But that doesn’t seem to be working.
I figure ether I’m going to have to settle for less, treat my bias, or wind up alone with just a dog and a house. I’m 23, make 60k a year stand 5 foot 10 inches any advice on this issue.
Hey NerdLovers! I’m currently on vacation, which means that there won’t be a new episode of Paging Dr. NerdLove until I get back in two weeks. In the mean time, if you want to keep up with my adventures, be sure to follow me on Instagram where I’m probably going to post an obscene number of pictures.
See y’all on the flipside!
Dear Dr. NerdLove,
I’m currently in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend. We’ve been together for about three months and I’ve been constantly concerned about my girlfriend’s past. I’ve known her for around seven years and as long as I’ve known her, she has always been a conservative person. She always said that she wouldn’t get in a relationship until she was 18 and wouldn’t have sex until she was 21. However a year ago, one of her teachers, who was 26 at the time, started to pursue her, both in school and out of school. She fell in love with him and had sex with him over the course of three months. We’re both 17 now and she’s been telling me how she’s completely over him, but I’m still slightly bothered after seeing their texts and how a single person changed her from a incredibly conservative person to a very open minded person. Her ex is also much better than me, in bed or just as a person in general. Everytime I have time by myself I just get bothered by the fact that she’s been with someone 10 years older than her, at the age of 16.
I know this might seem normal to some but for me, a traditional Asian guy, I just don’t seem to be able to get over it. Could you please give me some advice?
Long Distance Dilemma