Hey Doc,
I know you probably get this question of how to talk to people in a romantic since every other day so i’ll try to help you see it from my perspective. So, you’re out in about and you see a cute girl. The location and what she’s doing doesn’t really matter in this case, because this is what goes through my head:
“This is the most busy, most important moment of her life and if you go up to her and interrupt, one of the following things will happen: a) she’ll yell at you and be mad. b) she’ll laugh and make fun of you. c) she’ll gut you like a fish. or d) all three.”
Now I can already hear you and everyone I’ve ever known say that will never happen, and the worst thing she can do is say no. But that’s doesn’t help. I’ve gotten all the dating advice: just be confident, they’re just as nervous as you are (side note, telling a nervous person that the other person is nervous doesn’t help, it makes it worse), etc.
I’ve even tried your breathing and 3 second rule. Doesn’t help. The being confident thing would be easier if i had any success when it came to dating; I’ve approached friends who I developed feelings for and have been rejected every time.
There is one outlier. One time I did approach a girl, it was 10 years ago at a comic shop. My best friend and I were just joking around. One of my jokes made this girl laugh, so after about 30 minutes of my friend practically begging me to talk to her, we approached her. We did a little small talk and we exchanged numbers. She was only in town visiting a friend for a few day,s so we never saw each other again, but she did text me that it was nice meeting me.
(In hindsight, 2 guys approaching a random girl isn’t really a good look)
But I see that as the exception, not the rule. I think it’s pretty easy to guess that my self esteem isn’t the greatest, but to be honest, it’s way better now than it was back then. I see myself so much better now I many ways, but I still can’t bring myself to approach women. Is there anything else I can try to get past this?
Stranger Danger
